Male clerk to short-haired female customer: Five dollars, sir.
Female customer, cheerfully: Thank you, madam!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Sunissa
Male clerk to short-haired female customer: Five dollars, sir.
Female customer, cheerfully: Thank you, madam!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Sunissa
Man at bagel shop: You got peanut butter?
Girl at counter: Yeah.
Man: Give me a garlic bagel with peanut butter on both sides of the bagel.
(girl gives look of disgust)
–83rd & Lexington
Girl #1: I know giraffe is kosher, but they just don’t know where to cut it.
Girl #2: Yeah. The neck is just so long.
–115th & Broadway
Teenage tourist girl in school band jacket: I love New York!
Teenage tourist boy in school band jacket: And the best part is we don’t even look like tourists!
Teenage tourist girl in school band jacket: I know, right? Where’s the subway?
Teenage tourist boy in school band jacket, glancing around: That way. (points toward 7th Ave)
–35th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Katarina
Crazy preacher: And so, you should praise the name of Jesus!
Young African American girl: Amen!
Crazy preacher: You should say blessings and not curses!
Young African American girl: I said ‘amen,’ you fucker!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Uri Fintzy
Middle-aged Italian man #1: They got ketchup on wundabread in dea.
Middle-aged Italian man#2: Dat’s a pizza even the mice wud send back!
–Lexington & 45th
Overheard by: Marianne Maguire
Ghetto fab black girl: Hey, can we see that pic you just took?
Ghetto fab Latina, sitting across: No, bitch.
Ghetto fab black girl: How about you come over to our side? Sit over here!
Ghetto fab Latina, getting up and walking away: How ’bout you eat my butt?
–4 Train
Overheard by: CMK
Suit on phone: So the asshole is chewing me out and I said “Well, don’t blame me! The monkey’s butt was red when I got there!” Well, that shut him up, cause he knew I was talkin about him…
–Columbia
Overheard by: Smileythedog
Husband to wife, about towel with monkey design: That’s a culturally biased rag, because it has monkeys on it.
–Target, Gateway Center
Overheard by: Scott Hutchins
Raspy hobo: Hey sweetheart, whatchya got in dat bag? A baby gorilla?
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Lisa
Excited little boy to dad: He looked like a huge gorilla with slimy skin, and he had a salamander face on his fingers!
–DeKalb Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Girl: Just stop. Stop! Enough with the fucking monkeys!
–Khyber Pass Restaurant, St. Mark’s Place
Drunk blonde girl on cell: I’m here! I’m here! I don’t know where I am!
–St. Marks Place
Overheard by: Kristin
Guy on cell: I’m coming up Bedford, and… I don’t know, on the corner of Bedford and Jews.
–Bedford & Heyward
High school boy on cell: Where am I at? I’m in morning… Uh, morning wood park.
–Morningside Park
Overheard by: wirehead
Teenage girl on cell: I don’t know where I am … I’m just here!
–Sheridan Square
Cheerful guy, singing: Oh, the shaaaaake shack is a little old place where we can… get a burger…
–Madison Square
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Stoned man with ukulele, to the tune of “Bohemian Rhapsody”: Father… just killed my mom, put a gun against her head, pulled my trigger now she’s dead…
–72nd St & CPW
Overheard by: stepping away from the platform edge
Little boy, singing out Jewish day school bus window: Oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-yoi-yoi! Oy-oy-oy-oy-yoi!
–76th St & West End Avenue
Overheard by: Suze V
Guy to friend, about Alicia Keys/Jay‑Z song: That’s not how that song goes! She doesn’t sing: “concrete jungle with green tomatoes”!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: M.
Man walking down street, singing loudly: She’s a maniac, maniac, my love. And she’s dancing like she did when she was four.
–East Harlem
Overheard by: Sisk of China
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist