Lit­tle boy: Dad, you have a Kom­bucha mus­tache!
Dad: Just eat your Clif Bar.

–2 Train

Se­cu­ri­ty guard to woman who has just set off alarm: Are you wear­ing any­thing from an­oth­er store that might have set it off? J. Crew? Madewell?
Woman, aghast: Are you se­ri­ous?

–Open­ing Cer­e­mo­ny Store

Over­heard by: Jonathan Lee

Man with boom­ing voice: Do they make books any­more that do not have vam­pires in them?
Woman with equal­ly loud voice: No, they have to have vam­pires, were­wolves, or wiz­ards in them. That is all there is.

–Bor­ders