Archive for 2011

Don’t Even At­tempt Gen­der Math in Chelsea, Dear Read­er

Man: So your friend got hit on by two gay cross-dressers?
Woman: They weren’t re­al­ly gay, more like drag queens.
Man: I’m pret­ty sure most drag queens are gay.
Woman: Ac­tu­al­ly, per­cent­age wise, most drag queens aren’t gay.

–8th Ave, Chelsea

Why Do You Have to Keep Bring­ing That Up?

Young fe­male #1: He’s such a spaz… It’s like hav­ing sex with you.
Young fe­male #2: You’ve nev­er had sex with me.
Young fe­male #1: Ex­act­ly!

–116th St & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Like Hero­in Ad­dicts

Of­fice work­er #1: Gosh, it’s so fog­gy out! I can’t see any­thing! Do you think the trains will still be run­ning?
Of­fice work­er #2: Well, they’re on tracks, so they kind of know where they’re go­ing.

–Of­fice Build­ing, 57th St

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

The Meek May In­her­it the Earth, but They Nev­er Get a Seat on the Train

Woman #1, get­ting on train: I don’t think there’s enough room for both of us on this seat.
Woman #2, get­ting on train: I would sit across from you if that woman had­n’t tak­en my seat. (points to woman across from them)
Woman #3, sit­ting across from them: Then you should have got­ten on five stops ago.

–A Train

Gary Glit­ter: Ahem, That’s “Al­leged Vam­pire”

20-some­thing girl #1 ex­cit­ed­ly telling a sto­ry: The vam­pire is a veg­e­tar­i­an…
20-some­thing girl #2: What is this, Twi­light?
20-some­thing girl #1, of­fend­ed: What? Hell no! A vam­pire that glit­ters? What kind of shit is that?

–N Train

Over­heard by: Lana

In­op­er­a­ble One-Lin­ers Of the Wednes­day

Hobo: 72 puls­es in your body, and I’ll hit every one of them with my ar­row.

–Court St, Brook­lyn

Girl, flir­ta­tious­ly to boyfriend: Your wrists are so tiny!

–Broad­way & 14th

Over­heard by: Sep10ber

20-some­thing woman on phone: Oh, god! My ovaries are killing me!

–4 Train

Woman on cell: You got­s­ta yell, this ear is bad. (now yelling) Yell! This ear is bad! (a minute lat­er) Shut up! Don’t talk to me like that… Quit yellin! I could­n’t hear you!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: rick

Some Clothes-Mind­ed Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Skin­ny white girl: Yeah, well, you know me. If I dress too chic, I look like a dv vic­tim.

–Coop­er square

Over­heard by: Lynne

Guy to friend: You got any jump­suits on ya?

–27th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kel­ly

Girl in black jeans: No one here is wear­ing jeans. Jeans are so spring 2012.

–W 24th, Hast­ed Hunt Kraeut­ler Gallery

Large, styl­ish black man on cell: Uh, huh, uh, huh… Well, just throw on some skin­ny jeans and get all up in that mutha­fuc­ka.

–Ba­nana Re­pub­lic

Over­heard by: Gretchen

Woman on cell: Look, I’ve al­ready bought the socks. There’s no go­ing back.

–103rd & Broad­way

iWednes­day One-Lin­ers

Mid­dle aged DVD au­dio en­thu­si­ast to un­in­ter­est­ed first date: Light up but­tons, voice com­mands, giz­mos like that… kin­da get me off!

–LIRR

Young 20-some­thing male to friend: Thus, ren­der­ing com­put­ers ob­so­lete.

–Green­wich & Har­ri­son

Over­heard by: hn­gry­Davy

Guy on cell: Well, the thing about com­put­ers, right, is you could see a com­put­er be­com­ing con­scious…

–70th & Broad­way

Young suit on phone: I know those were heady times, it was a pre-iPhone world.

–Riv­ing­ton & Allen

Over­heard by: ten­nesee­jed

La­dy to guy friends: Tech­nol­o­gy is awe­some! Let’s do this! Let’s do this!

–64th & Cen­tral Park West

Over­heard by: Ph­Dre