Archive for 2011

Their Re­la­tion­ship Is All Over the Map.

Girl on train: Sarah Palin is such a mo­ron! I heard her call Africa a coun­try on the ra­dio. How do you not know Africa is a con­ti­nent, not a coun­try?
Boyfriend: Can you name all the con­ti­nents?
Girl on train: Yes! North Amer­i­ca, South Amer­i­ca, Asia, Africa, Eu­rope… (pause) North Amer­i­ca, South Amer­i­ca, Asia, Africa, Eu­rope, South Asia…
Boyfriend: Mmm-hmm.

–Down­town N Train

Over­heard by: smh

I Am the Most For­tu­nate Of Young Women

High school girl #1, re­fer­ring to girl #2: She thinks pud­ding tastes like cur­ry!
(lat­er, girl #1 of­fers girl #2 a sip of her bub­ble tea)
Girl #2: This tastes like flow­ers.
Girl #1: You think every­thing tastes like flow­ers!

–Vivi Bub­ble Tea, Chi­na­town

…With Ba­by Rape at a Close Sec­ond.

Loud, 30-some­thing morn­ing fe­male com­muter: Oh my god! It’s worse than can­cer!
Even loud­er 30-some­thing morn­ing fe­male com­muter: I know! Get­ting old sucks! It’s the worst thing!

–N Train

Over­heard by: Courtwick

Robert Pat­tin­son Is One Fine Drink Of Wa­ter.

20-some­thing woman to an­oth­er, hold­ing large ce­ram­ic mug with Twi­light char­ac­ters on it: That is a pret­ty great mug.
20-some­thing woman #2, nod­ding: Yeah.
20-some­thing woman #1: That might be the best mug ever.

–Down­town 4 Train

I Re­it­er­ate My Ques­tion.

Boy #1: Man, I am hun­gry! Let’s get off here and get some piz­za.
Boy #2: Nah, man. You don’t want to do that. Round here there’s on­ly kosher shit.
Boy #1: What’s wrong with kosher shit?
Boy #2: Cheese tastes like pussy!

–B6 Bus

“Pret­ty Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Walkin’ Down the Street…”

Girl scream­ing in­to cell: Lis­ten, I don’t care if he broke your heart, ate half of it, and then burned the oth­er half as you lay there dy­ing! He’s beau­ti­ful and I’m go­ing to sleep with him!

–Park Slope

Guy: I find Eileen so much more at­trac­tive when she sits down.

–Cen­tral Park

Man, shout­ing at pass­ing woman: You are as beau­ti­ful as the weath­er, you … Princess … Queen … Lord of lords.

–1st Ave & 2nd St

Lit­tle girl, watch­ing strip club ad on taxi: Mom­my, that la­dy is re­al­ly pret­ty!

–86th St

…Hence My High Heels and No Pants

Black guy #1: I ate two of them weed brown­ies and I was all nor­mal ex­cept for seein’ all of them car­toon hal­lu­ci­na­tions. Don­ald duck, mick­ey mouse–they was all there in front of me!
Black guy #2: Man, I’m gonna stay away from that shit. I’m para­noid enough al­ready.

–L Train

Over­heard by: Not a car­toon