Guy #1 at bar: Sure, I have a lot of pic­tures of penis­es on my com­put­er.
Guy #2: Yeah, so what?

–Car­roll St

Girl: You need to know a gyp­sy to know a gyp­sy.

–19th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Char­lie

Dad: This is such a wide street.
Smart-ass teenage daugh­ter: That’s why they call it Broad­way!
Dad: Shut up, Car­ol.

–49th & 7th

Over­heard by: Adam

Guy #1: I just ran a 5k…
Guy #2, to girl: How many guys have you blown that have ran a marathon?

–51st & 2nd

Over­heard by: Aaron

Bag la­dy, yelling: Get up off me, yo, I ain’t got noth­in’!
Hobo, calm­ly: It ain’t about you got, man. It’s about what I got.
Bag la­dy: Why do I got to split half with you, yo? You don’t give me noth­in’!
Hobo: Man, why you keep goin on about that?
Bag la­dy: Yo you don’t give me noth­in’. You don’t even take me to the clin­ic. I got mad skin con­di­tions! I don’t even know how you fuck me, yo!
Hobo: Shit, man…

–A Train

Over­heard by: Juan Chung

Hip girl sit­ting on bench: Look at that sign he has! (points at a man car­ry­ing a “$1 for a joke” sign) I won­der if he has good jokes?
Hip boyfriend: What if he just said “Joke’s on you for giv­ing me a dol­lar”? That’d be so fun­ny!

–Cen­tral Park

Woman to man, watch­ing woman pace up and down, clap­ping hands in front of Bap­tist church: What does she think she’s do­ing? Man, that la­dy’s got is­sues.
Man: And so ear­ly in the morn­ing, too!

–188th St & Ford­ham Rd

Over­heard by: Eter­nal Stu­dent

Lit­tle boy: Hey, go­ril­la! I have two words for you–soap.
Dad: That’s one word.

–Bronx Zoo

Over­heard by: Melis­sa

Caribbean nan­ny to three-year-old girl sit­ting with legs crossed: Close your legs! You look like a pros­ti­tute.

–St. Nicholas Park

Over­heard by: oth­er­nan­ny

20-some­thing girl on cell: Just be­cause she grad­u­at­ed col­lege does­n’t mean she’s not a pros­ti­tute.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Eng­lish teacher: Wel­come to BH­SEC. We’re all pros­ti­tutes.

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege, Queens

20-some­thing girl to group of friends: Ba­si­cal­ly, I was a hook­er.

–PATH Train

Over­heard by: Mschuw

Gi­ant guy on cell: Yeah, so then I had to un­dress in front of the biggest god­damn spi­der in the world. I swear it was judg­ing my dick. (pause) You think my wife’ll be pissed?

–Out­side Cen­tral Park Precinct

Man on cell: Have the camels gone un­der the moun­tain?

–45th & 6th

Chat­ty woman tourist: Well, we see ants all the time… at our ho­tel!

–Ant Ex­hib­it, Rain For­est, Cen­tral Park Zoo

Over­heard by: Su­san Vol­chok

Woman, about go­ing to Africa: We’ll take the dogs with us and feed them to the li­ons.

–1250 Broad­way

High school girl: I used to think East­er was be­cause a bun­ny ate a rab­bit.

–Sea­son­al Aisle, Rite Aid