Guy #1 at bar: Sure, I have a lot of pictures of penises on my computer.
Guy #2: Yeah, so what?
–Carroll St
Archive for 2011
You Have to Have Work Experience to Get Work Experience
Girl: You need to know a gypsy to know a gypsy.
–19th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Charlie
Heh. Who Names Their Kid “Carol”?
Dad: This is such a wide street.
Smart-ass teenage daughter: That’s why they call it Broadway!
Dad: Shut up, Carol.
–49th & 7th
Overheard by: Adam
During or After?
Guy #1: I just ran a 5k…
Guy #2, to girl: How many guys have you blown that have ran a marathon?
–51st & 2nd
Overheard by: Aaron
…Stop Guilting Me!
Bag lady, yelling: Get up off me, yo, I ain’t got nothin’!
Hobo, calmly: It ain’t about you got, man. It’s about what I got.
Bag lady: Why do I got to split half with you, yo? You don’t give me nothin’!
Hobo: Man, why you keep goin on about that?
Bag lady: Yo you don’t give me nothin’. You don’t even take me to the clinic. I got mad skin conditions! I don’t even know how you fuck me, yo!
Hobo: Shit, man…
–A Train
Overheard by: Juan Chung
Speaking Of Funny, Did I Mention That My Period’s Late?
Hip girl sitting on bench: Look at that sign he has! (points at a man carrying a “$1 for a joke” sign) I wonder if he has good jokes?
Hip boyfriend: What if he just said “Joke’s on you for giving me a dollar”? That’d be so funny!
–Central Park
She’s Inspired Me to Go Back to Bed
Woman to man, watching woman pace up and down, clapping hands in front of Baptist church: What does she think she’s doing? Man, that lady’s got issues.
Man: And so early in the morning, too!
–188th St & Fordham Rd
Overheard by: Eternal Student
Gorilla: Fucking Bronx
Little boy: Hey, gorilla! I have two words for you–soap.
Dad: That’s one word.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Melissa
WorkingGirlsday One-Liners
Caribbean nanny to three-year-old girl sitting with legs crossed: Close your legs! You look like a prostitute.
–St. Nicholas Park
Overheard by: othernanny
20-something girl on cell: Just because she graduated college doesn’t mean she’s not a prostitute.
–14th St & 8th Ave
English teacher: Welcome to BHSEC. We’re all prostitutes.
–Bard High School Early College, Queens
20-something girl to group of friends: Basically, I was a hooker.
–PATH Train
Overheard by: Mschuw
Wednesday One-Lions and Tigers and Bears– Oh My!
Giant guy on cell: Yeah, so then I had to undress in front of the biggest goddamn spider in the world. I swear it was judging my dick. (pause) You think my wife’ll be pissed?
–Outside Central Park Precinct
Man on cell: Have the camels gone under the mountain?
–45th & 6th
Chatty woman tourist: Well, we see ants all the time… at our hotel!
–Ant Exhibit, Rain Forest, Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman, about going to Africa: We’ll take the dogs with us and feed them to the lions.
–1250 Broadway
High school girl: I used to think Easter was because a bunny ate a rabbit.
–Seasonal Aisle, Rite Aid
