Guy #1 at bar: Sure, I have a lot of pictures of penises on my computer.
Guy #2: Yeah, so what?

–Carroll St

Girl: You need to know a gypsy to know a gypsy.

–19^th St & 5^th Ave

Overheard by: Charlie

Dad: This is such a wide street.
Smart-ass teenage daughter: That’s why they call it Broadway!
Dad: Shut up, Carol.

–49^th & 7^th

Overheard by: Adam

Guy #1: I just ran a 5k…
Guy #2, to girl: How many guys have you blown that have ran a marathon?

–51^st & 2^nd

Overheard by: Aaron

Bag lady, yelling: Get up off me, yo, I ain’t got nothin’!
Hobo, calmly: It ain’t about you got, man. It’s about what I got.
Bag lady: Why do I got to split half with you, yo? You don’t give me nothin’!
Hobo: Man, why you keep goin on about that?
Bag lady: Yo you don’t give me nothin’. You don’t even take me to the clinic. I got mad skin conditions! I don’t even know how you fuck me, yo!
Hobo: Shit, man…

–A Train

Overheard by: Juan Chung

Hip girl sitting on bench: Look at that sign he has! (points at a man carrying a “$1 for a joke” sign) I wonder if he has good jokes?
Hip boyfriend: What if he just said “Joke’s on you for giving me a dollar”? That’d be so funny!

–Central Park

Woman to man, watching woman pace up and down, clapping hands in front of Baptist church: What does she think she’s doing? Man, that lady’s got issues.
Man: And so early in the morning, too!

–188^th St & Fordham Rd

Overheard by: Eternal Student

Little boy: Hey, gorilla! I have two words for you – soap.
Dad: That’s one word.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Melissa

Giant guy on cell: Yeah, so then I had to undress in front of the biggest goddamn spider in the world. I swear it was judging my dick. (pause) You think my wife’ll be pissed?

–Outside Central Park Precinct

Man on cell: Have the camels gone under the mountain?

–45^th & 6^th

Chatty woman tourist: Well, we see ants all the time… at our hotel!

–Ant Exhibit, Rain Forest, Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Woman, about going to Africa: We’ll take the dogs with us and feed them to the lions.

–1250 Broadway

High school girl: I used to think Easter was because a bunny ate a rabbit.

–Seasonal Aisle, Rite Aid

Respectable-looking father to very young daughter: I drink it all the time… I love Four Loko, shit gets you fucked up.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Jaz

50-something suit: If I need a break from alcohol, I drink water. And by water I mean beer. And by beer I mean whiskey. And by whiskey I mean vodka.

–9^th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Keith

Man, eating: You know, I don’t really like to drink water… I mean, it’s okay.

–Chinatown

Thug: Yo, does anyone have any water? I got mad Loko on my hands and mad Loko on my shoes.

–Central Park, The Ramble

Young girl walking really fast: I know he’s gay! But he’s open to artificial insemination or copious amounts of vodka.

–39^th St & 6^th Ave