Starbucks barista to waiting customers: Hey, everyone, guess what July 12th is.
Random girl: The end of the world!
Starbucks barista, incredulous: No! (pause) Harry Potter!
–Lexington & 87th
Starbucks barista to waiting customers: Hey, everyone, guess what July 12th is.
Random girl: The end of the world!
Starbucks barista, incredulous: No! (pause) Harry Potter!
–Lexington & 87th
Man #1, buying wheat grass: They say this is equal to 40 pounds of vegetables. It can get rid of all your health problems.
Man #2: Even your crack addiction?
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Wheaty
Mom tourist : Hunny, hold the pole. Don’t you want to look like a New Yorker, not a tourist? All New Yorkers hold the pole cause they know what’s coming for them when the train stops.
Little tourist boy: Okay, mom. (holds pole) I’m a New Yorker!
–Manhattan-Bound F Train
Overheard by: Elina
Flaming kindergarten teacher to children, watching junkies: Oh look, he put a book under his friend’s head as a little pillow!
(a few seconds later)
Kindergarten teacher to children: Okay, let’s go to another section of the park! Find your adult buddy!
–Washington Square Park
Girl #1, listening to Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep”: I love that song.
Girl #2: Me too. I’m going to sing it at the sophomore karaoke.
Girl #1: Can you hook me up?
Girl #2: Yeah. I didn’t know you can sing.
Girl #1: No, not with that. I need a job.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Lady who left her cars inside to locksmith opening her car with a slim jim: Hey, that thing is pretty handy, they should make one in a purse size.
Locksmith: They do… we call them “keys.”
–12th St
Overheard by: Bkberger
Drunk girl: I’m a a sexy bitch! (walks into street light post, staggers, and almost falls)
Friend, catching her: Are you okay? Are you okay?
Drunk girl: Yeah! I’m fine! And I’m still a sexy bitch!
–5th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Pedro
Middle aged daughter in build-it-yourself furniture aisle: Why don’t you get Stanley* to put that together for you?“
Elderly mother: Stanley*? Stanley*? Do you know how long it would take him to put that together? He couldn’t even finish painting my cabinet. He’d arrive at 11 and leave at 2. Had to go get his crack. That fool could never build that for me!
–Target, Atlantic Centre, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tigertail
Brunette ditz to friends: Oh my god, I just had the most awful experience. I jumped the turnstile on the subway, you know my thing with the MTA, right?
Blond ditz: Uh-huh.
Black-haired ditz: Oh, yeah.
Brunette ditz: Whenever they double charge me, I jump the turnstile. You know, when it says swipe again, it always does this! (pause) So this bitch yelled at me and told me that I was responsible for making her fares go up, and I was stealing!
Blond ditz: What?! That is totally not like stealing a loaf of bread or something.
Black-haired ditz: Yeah, and it’s not like the MTA watches and raises prices every time you jump the turnstile.
Brunette ditz: I know. It’s ridiculous! And I had to sit there listening to her for like a whole minute. I should just get an unlimited, you guys.
Blond ditz: I get weeklies in case I lose the monthly one. It only comes out to $5 more.
Black-haired ditz: Oh, that’s a good idea…
Blond ditz: Because like, the monthly is $104. And how many weeks are in a month?
Black-haired ditz: Ummmmmm…
Brunette ditz: Ummmmmmmm.…
–Crunch, Union Square
Elementary school girl to father: You know I was so popular in first grade that I used Pamela’s technique from kindergarten and had different people sit with me on different days of week.
–B67 Bus
Overheard by: never had this problem
8‑year-old boy sitting on coin-operated kiddie horse ride: If this was El Toro, my wiener would really hurt!
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Rachel
Young child in public restroom, watching mother dry hands under electric dryer: Mommy, do we have to pay for air?
–5th Ave & 23rd St
Overheard by: Jenica
Little girl with blank stare to no one in particular: Don’t push me, you bastard!
–PATH Station
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Four-year-old girl: Mary had a little lamb… but I ate it!
–Penn Station
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist