Archive for 2011

It’s Always Teenager Mating Season

Pigeons under a bodega: Cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo…
Teenage boy, disinterested: It sounds like those birds are having raunchy bird sex up there.
Teenage girl: I was thinking the same thing, just not in those extreme terms.
Teenage boy, pumping his arms and closed hands in and out of his chest: You can do it, put your wing into it…
(teenage girl laughs hysterically as teenage boy holds his hand to his chin, pausing)
Teenage boy: I can do it, put my plume into it!

–Hunts Point Ave & Lafayette Ave, Bronx

Mom Just Got Over the Clap

Irate mother: Bobby*, stop the clapping, you know I hate the clapping. You keep up that clapping and I’m going to give you something to clap about.
Bobby*: Mom…
Irate mother: No more clapping!

–103rd & West End

Overheard by: Gentleman Jim

And Robin, His Altar Boy

Girl #1: Why are you wearing a man’s batman shirt?
Girl #2: Because Batman is the best darn superhero in the world. Well, not in the world. That’s Jesus. After Jesus, there’s Batman.

–Target

Overheard by: I love Batman too!

Translation: I Wouldn’t Fuck You on a Bet

Girl: Every time I see a two-wheeled bicycle, I think of you.
Guy: Um, all bicycles have two wheels…

–Brooklyn Flea, Williamsburg

Overheard by: She must think of him a lot, in this neck of the woods

Nothing That Cool, Honey

Girl #1: Where’s Andy tonight?
Girl #2: He couldn’t make it, he has his javascript class on Thursday nights.
Girl #1: Oh, cool. So he’s training to be a barista or something?

–Brooklyn Bridge Park

Overheard by: Arielle

Some Staten Island Headlines Really Write Themselves.

Student #1: I hate it when single married people…
Student #2, interrupting: Wait, single married people?
Student #1: Yeah, single married people…
Student #2: Do you hear yourself when you speak? What the hell is a single married person?!
Student #1: You know, it’s people who were married but are single now…
Student #2: You mean divorced people?!
Student #1: Yeah! It’s the same shit!
Student #2, walking away: You’re a moron…

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Michael Saadi

Your Penis Is Out, Sir.

Lady walking dog, to dog who had run away and over road: Come back!
Man walking past: Why is your dog not on a fucking leash? He could have been killed, that’s so fucking irresponsible!
Lady, quietly: Sorry, he got away from me.
Man: You’re so fucking stupid, it makes me mad!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Slickback Lamar

Tonight on Shameless

Physically fit 30-something Puerto Rican man: Hey, can you just give me a dollar?
Blind Dominican guy: I’m sorry man, if I had it I would give it to you.

–44th St & Lexington

Overheard by: negrapola

Oh, the Ladies Always Say That.

Central Park conservancy guy: I like your style, beautiful lady.
Beautiful lady: Thanks. I like your golf cart.

–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Overheard by: Alexandra