Archive for 2011

It’s Al­ways Teenag­er Mat­ing Sea­son

Pi­geons un­der a bode­ga: Cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo…
Teenage boy, dis­in­ter­est­ed: It sounds like those birds are hav­ing raunchy bird sex up there.
Teenage girl: I was think­ing the same thing, just not in those ex­treme terms.
Teenage boy, pump­ing his arms and closed hands in and out of his chest: You can do it, put your wing in­to it…
(teenage girl laughs hys­ter­i­cal­ly as teenage boy holds his hand to his chin, paus­ing)
Teenage boy: I can do it, put my plume in­to it!

–Hunts Point Ave & Lafayette Ave, Bronx

Mom Just Got Over the Clap

Irate moth­er: Bob­by*, stop the clap­ping, you know I hate the clap­ping. You keep up that clap­ping and I’m go­ing to give you some­thing to clap about.
Bob­by*: Mom…
Irate moth­er: No more clap­ping!

–103rd & West End

Over­heard by: Gen­tle­man Jim

And Robin, His Al­tar Boy

Girl #1: Why are you wear­ing a man’s bat­man shirt?
Girl #2: Be­cause Bat­man is the best darn su­per­hero in the world. Well, not in the world. That’s Je­sus. Af­ter Je­sus, there’s Bat­man.

–Tar­get

Over­heard by: I love Bat­man too!

Trans­la­tion: I Would­n’t Fuck You on a Bet

Girl: Every time I see a two-wheeled bi­cy­cle, I think of you.
Guy: Um, all bi­cy­cles have two wheels…

–Brook­lyn Flea, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: She must think of him a lot, in this neck of the woods

Noth­ing That Cool, Hon­ey

Girl #1: Where’s Andy tonight?
Girl #2: He could­n’t make it, he has his javascript class on Thurs­day nights.
Girl #1: Oh, cool. So he’s train­ing to be a barista or some­thing?

–Brook­lyn Bridge Park

Over­heard by: Arielle

Some Stat­en Is­land Head­lines Re­al­ly Write Them­selves.

Stu­dent #1: I hate it when sin­gle mar­ried peo­ple…
Stu­dent #2, in­ter­rupt­ing: Wait, sin­gle mar­ried peo­ple?
Stu­dent #1: Yeah, sin­gle mar­ried peo­ple…
Stu­dent #2: Do you hear your­self when you speak? What the hell is a sin­gle mar­ried per­son?!
Stu­dent #1: You know, it’s peo­ple who were mar­ried but are sin­gle now…
Stu­dent #2: You mean di­vorced peo­ple?!
Stu­dent #1: Yeah! It’s the same shit!
Stu­dent #2, walk­ing away: You’re a mo­ron…

–Col­lege of Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Michael Saa­di

Your Pe­nis Is Out, Sir.

La­dy walk­ing dog, to dog who had run away and over road: Come back!
Man walk­ing past: Why is your dog not on a fuck­ing leash? He could have been killed, that’s so fuck­ing ir­re­spon­si­ble!
La­dy, qui­et­ly: Sor­ry, he got away from me.
Man: You’re so fuck­ing stu­pid, it makes me mad!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Slick­back Lamar

Tonight on Shame­less

Phys­i­cal­ly fit 30-some­thing Puer­to Ri­can man: Hey, can you just give me a dol­lar?
Blind Do­mini­can guy: I’m sor­ry man, if I had it I would give it to you.

–44th St & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: ne­grap­o­la

Oh, the Ladies Al­ways Say That.

Cen­tral Park con­ser­van­cy guy: I like your style, beau­ti­ful la­dy.
Beau­ti­ful la­dy: Thanks. I like your golf cart.

–Out­side Dela­corte The­ater, Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Alexan­dra