Punk rock girl hipster: It’s like if I had a dick, but only one ball. And I was living inside that ball.
Male counterpart: Yeah, and then your dick doesn’t even do anything.
Punk rock girl hipster: Wait, I have a dick?
–5th & 58th
Archive for 2011
Dear Diary– A Woman Hit on Me Today!
Scary-looking older woman creeping out from underneath stairs, loudly: Hey, you got any crack?
Passerby: No.
Scary-looking older woman, loudly: What the hell good are you, then?
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Emily Glass-Bowman
It’s a Black Hawk Helicopter or Nothing at All, Little Buddy.
Upper East Side kid: Can we take a cab?
Mom: No, all the cabs are full.
Upper East Side kid: What about a limousine?
–5th Ave & 88th St
Overheard by: Upper East Side Bingo
The Village Bicycle’s Wednesday One-Liners
Asian girl: I always spelled it “h‑o-e,” but apparently it’s spelled “h‑o.”
–Urban Outfitters
Student to group of friends: I’m black, I can be slutty and still get a welfare check.
–116th & Broadway
20-something girl on cell: I know I always say this, but I really thought I was just going to do a little bit with him!
–2nd Ave & 3rd St
Overheard by: Pedro
Dressed-to-the-nines, hermes-kelly-bag-carrying prep school mom to another: That’s because she’s such a slut!
–Upper West Side Prep-School Recruitment Fair
Wednesday One-Liners Like to Watch
Young guy on subway: Yo, I watch VH1 all the time! That’s how I know so much about the past.
–1 Train
Man on cell: Going to see the David Letterman show is no big deal. Trust me!
–West 49th St
Overheard by: Michael
Aggressive-looking Bronx chick to friend: And the guy I’m fuckin’ was like “yeah, I fucked Snooki once.” I was like “you just ruined Jersey Shore for me! I’ll never watch that show again. I can never look at Snooki the same!”
–Downtown F Train
Overheard by: Rose
Black guy, abruptly, to nonplussed white girl walking by: You be watchin’ Seinfeld at nine o’clock on the Family Channel?
–Clinton & Washington Ave, Bed-Stuy
Wednesday One-Liners Up the Yinyang
Pregnant girl: If I knew having a kid would be this hard, I would’ve started taking it in the ass.
–Bond St
30-something woman: No, Luke, third base is not anal.
–170th St
Overheard by: meg
Angry hobo, after being ignored: Just bein’ friendly! They misconstrued friendly for butt sex.
–145th & St. Nicholas
Dad to infant son having rectal temperature taken: Wow, look at him, just sitting there taking it. You really are Greek!
–Pediatric Emergency Room, Brooklyn
Overheard by: laughing parent
