Punk rock girl hip­ster: It’s like if I had a dick, but on­ly one ball. And I was liv­ing in­side that ball.
Male coun­ter­part: Yeah, and then your dick does­n’t even do any­thing.
Punk rock girl hip­ster: Wait, I have a dick?

–5th & 58th

Scary-look­ing old­er woman creep­ing out from un­der­neath stairs, loud­ly: Hey, you got any crack?
Passer­by: No.
Scary-look­ing old­er woman, loud­ly: What the hell good are you, then?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Emi­ly Glass-Bow­man

Up­per East Side kid: Can we take a cab?
Mom: No, all the cabs are full.
Up­per East Side kid: What about a lim­ou­sine?

–5th Ave & 88th St

Over­heard by: Up­per East Side Bin­go

Asian girl: I al­ways spelled it “h‑o-e,” but ap­par­ent­ly it’s spelled “h‑o.”

–Ur­ban Out­fit­ters

Stu­dent to group of friends: I’m black, I can be slut­ty and still get a wel­fare check.

–116th & Broad­way

20-some­thing girl on cell: I know I al­ways say this, but I re­al­ly thought I was just go­ing to do a lit­tle bit with him!

–2nd Ave & 3rd St

Over­heard by: Pe­dro

Dressed-to-the-nines, her­mes-kel­ly-bag-car­ry­ing prep school mom to an­oth­er: That’s be­cause she’s such a slut!

–Up­per West Side Prep-School Re­cruit­ment Fair

Young guy on sub­way: Yo, I watch VH1 all the time! That’s how I know so much about the past.

–1 Train

Man on cell: Go­ing to see the David Let­ter­man show is no big deal. Trust me!

–West 49th St

Over­heard by: Michael

Ag­gres­sive-look­ing Bronx chick to friend: And the guy I’m fuckin’ was like “yeah, I fucked Snoo­ki once.” I was like “you just ru­ined Jer­sey Shore for me! I’ll nev­er watch that show again. I can nev­er look at Snoo­ki the same!”

–Down­town F Train

Over­heard by: Rose

Black guy, abrupt­ly, to non­plussed white girl walk­ing by: You be watchin’ Se­in­feld at nine o’­clock on the Fam­i­ly Chan­nel?

–Clin­ton & Wash­ing­ton Ave, Bed-Stuy

Preg­nant girl: If I knew hav­ing a kid would be this hard, I would’ve start­ed tak­ing it in the ass.

–Bond St

30-some­thing woman: No, Luke, third base is not anal.

–170th St

Over­heard by: meg

An­gry hobo, af­ter be­ing ig­nored: Just bein’ friend­ly! They mis­con­strued friend­ly for butt sex.

–145th & St. Nicholas

Dad to in­fant son hav­ing rec­tal tem­per­a­ture tak­en: Wow, look at him, just sit­ting there tak­ing it. You re­al­ly are Greek!

–Pe­di­atric Emer­gency Room, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: laugh­ing par­ent