Eager hipster guy: So if we are friends with benefits we can have sex with no strings attached?
Jaded hipster girl: Yeah, I guess…
Eager hipster guy: Yesssssss!
–Ditmars Blvd & 36th St
Archive for 2011
…No One Else Has Problems Like I Do!
Adolescent prep school boy #1: Winter’s Bone was definitely the biggest upset of the Oscars.
Adolescent prep school boy #2: Wouldn’t know. It wouldn’t load it onto my iPad.
–79th St
Overheard by: crosstowner
At Least It’s Not One Of Those Cheese Lines.
Tourist: What’s everyone sitting around for?
New Yorker: We’re waiting for the aliens to land.
Tourist, walking away: New Yorkers are weird.
–Times Square
Overheard by: snickering into my magazine
…But His Parents Will Shame Him
Asian teen #1: He failed it.
Asian teen #2: Wait, did he fail fail, or Asian fail?
Asian teen #1: He fail failed–he got like a sixty five.
Asian teen #3: No, that’s an Asian fail.
Asian teen #2: Yeah, he still passed.
–R Train
Google Will Tell Me How I Feel
Tourist mom to worried-looking daughter: Are you pleased or unpleased?
Tourist daughter: I’m not sure, mom. I’ll have to google it.
–White Stret, Chinatown
Overheard by: BillySometimes
And People Milk His Name for All It’s Worth.
Four-year-old girl wearing cheese head: Mom, does Jesus have a cheese head, too?
Mom: I don’t know. Why do you think he would?
Girl: Because he has ‘cheese’ in his name.
–Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn on Halloween
Overheard by: brownie
Wednesdays Brush After Every One-Liner
Gay guy to friends: And you know what? His teeth look like chiklets! There, I’ve said it! It’s like he fished in his pocket, grabbed a handful of chiklets, went to a cosmetic dentist and said, “make me a smile!”
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Gus
Cotton candy vendor: Hey, yo! Last call for a root canal…
–Yankee Stadium
Old hobo to hot younger woman: Sure would like to hold you, but you got teeth. I wouldn’t know what to say. Met some beautiful women in my youth, didn’t know what to say to them neither. Should’ve kept it simple: can I get a kiss?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Christine
Young child: Mom, where are my teeth?
–Lafayette St
Dude, Just Roll With It
Drunk girl trying to flirt with a stranger: Oh my god! No way I have actually met people, that’s so funny!
Stranger: Wait… What?
–L Train
…And, Really, What Wouldn’t a Mother Do for Her Child?
Guy: I can’t believe you! I can’t believe you slept with my boss.
Girl: Well, you got the promotion, didn’t you?
–Central Park
Nicole Richie? Really?
BMCC student #1: I can’t believe she played that card, what a self-hating Puerto Rican.
BMCC student #2: Sounds like it!
–Chambers St & Greenwich St
Overheard by: A.J.
