Guy #1: Yo, what’s today’s date?
Guy #2: Dude, it’s the 4th! Obama’s birthday!
–Broadway & Maiden Lane
Archive for 2011
The First Rule Of Beans Is, “Don’t Take About the Beans.”
Chipotle employee: Would you like beans?
Asian lady: Chicken and pork.
Chipotle employee: Okay, would you like beans?
Asian lady: And rice!
Chipotle employee: Would you like beans??
Asian lady: Blank stare.
Chipotle employee: Wou… Shakes head… Anything else?
–Chipotle, 56th & 6th
Overheard by: Burrito Lover
Walked Right Into That One.
Boyfriend: Honey, do you wanna see something ugly?
Girlfriend: What? Your face?
–Crescent St & 34th Ave, Astoria
Not That It Matters to My Girl Crush
Young blonde woman: Mila Kunis is amazing. She makes me want to go anorexic, dye my hair brown and turn Ukranian.
Male friend #1: She dated Macaulay Culkin, right?
Male friend #2: They broke up.
Young blonde woman: Oh, yeah. I guess they did.
–29th & 6th
Not Without Pharmaceutical Assistance, Anyway
Scholar #1: So what did you get on your PSAT?
Scholar #2: I got like 91st percentile.
Scholar #1: Yeah, I got like 90th.
Scholar #1: Do you think anybody gets 0th percentile?
Scholar #2: It’s probably, like… physically possible, but no one actually does.
–F Train
Overheard by: JestingPilate
It’s Not Easy Selling Green.
Russian teen #1: Their American civilization, this is crap. American youth is spoiled.
(Russian teen #2 nods unconvinced)
Russian teen #1: Look what the black guy was selling to the white guy ! (shows small transparent bag with weed)
Russian teen #2: Yeah… To pay 60 dollars for shit, fucking insane…
(Russian teen #1 looks puzzled)
Russian teen #2, taking out cash from his pocket: That’s what he paid.
–Lexington Ave
Kids Extend Your Nervous System Into the World– Where They Irritate It
Frustrated tourist dad: You’re really getting on my nerves!
Son: What are nerves?
–6th Ave & 49th St
Overheard by: Almostanewyorker
I Always Assumed They Were His Friends from School
White guy: What are those? I don’t know what a koi is!
White girl #1: It’s like a giant Japanese goldfish.
White guy: Oh, it’s Japanese?
White girl #2: My dentist used to have those in his office!
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Our Fingers, Our Toes and Our Penises!
Con ed guy #1: Ok, so it’s 33 plus 9. What’s that make?
Con ed guy #2: Ummm… Ahhh…
Con ed guy #1: Hmmm… Ummm… Let’s see…
Con ed guy #2: (shrugs shoulders, looks away)
Con ed guy #1: Ahhh, it’s 42 … I think.
–Grand b/w Broadway & Crosby
Overheard by: Pedro
You Mean “Tall?”
Customer to barista: Are your bathrooms open?
Barista: Yeah, there is probably someone in there now, though.
(10 seconds later)
Customer: Are there keys for the bathroom?
Barista: No, there is just someone in there.
(customer leaves)
Barista, really loudly: Man, that guy must have had to take a massive dump!
–Starbucks 33rd & 5th
Overheard by: Becky
