Archive for 2011

The First Rule Of Beans Is, “Don’t Take About the Beans.”

Chipotle employee: Would you like beans?
Asian lady: Chicken and pork.
Chipotle employee: Okay, would you like beans?
Asian lady: And rice!
Chipotle employee: Would you like beans??
Asian lady: Blank stare.
Chipotle employee: Wou… Shakes head… Anything else?

–Chipotle, 56th & 6th

Overheard by: Burrito Lover

Walked Right Into That One.

Boyfriend: Honey, do you wanna see something ugly?
Girlfriend: What? Your face?

–Crescent St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Not That It Matters to My Girl Crush

Young blonde woman: Mila Kunis is amazing. She makes me want to go anorexic, dye my hair brown and turn Ukranian.
Male friend #1: She dated Macaulay Culkin, right?
Male friend #2: They broke up.
Young blonde woman: Oh, yeah. I guess they did.

–29th & 6th

Not Without Pharmaceutical Assistance, Anyway

Scholar #1: So what did you get on your PSAT?
Scholar #2: I got like 91st percentile.
Scholar #1: Yeah, I got like 90th.
Scholar #1: Do you think anybody gets 0th percentile?
Scholar #2: It’s probably, like… physically possible, but no one actually does.

–F Train

Overheard by: JestingPilate

It’s Not Easy Selling Green.

Russian teen #1: Their American civilization, this is crap. American youth is spoiled.
(Russian teen #2 nods unconvinced)
Russian teen #1: Look what the black guy was selling to the white guy ! (shows small transparent bag with weed)
Russian teen #2: Yeah… To pay 60 dollars for shit, fucking insane…
(Russian teen #1 looks puzzled)
Russian teen #2, taking out cash from his pocket: That’s what he paid.

–Lexington Ave

I Always Assumed They Were His Friends from School

White guy: What are those? I don’t know what a koi is!
White girl #1: It’s like a giant Japanese goldfish.
White guy: Oh, it’s Japanese?
White girl #2: My dentist used to have those in his office!

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Our Fingers, Our Toes and Our Penises!

Con ed guy #1: Ok, so it’s 33 plus 9. What’s that make?
Con ed guy #2: Ummm… Ahhh…
Con ed guy #1: Hmmm… Ummm… Let’s see…
Con ed guy #2: (shrugs shoulders, looks away)
Con ed guy #1: Ahhh, it’s 42 … I think.

–Grand b/w Broadway & Crosby

Overheard by: Pedro

You Mean “Tall?”

Customer to barista: Are your bathrooms open?
Barista: Yeah, there is probably someone in there now, though.
(10 seconds later)
Customer: Are there keys for the bathroom?
Barista: No, there is just someone in there.
(customer leaves)
Barista, really loudly: Man, that guy must have had to take a massive dump!

–Starbucks 33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Becky