Guy #1: Yo, what’s to­day’s date?
Guy #2: Dude, it’s the 4th! Oba­ma’s birth­day!

–Broad­way & Maid­en Lane

Chipo­tle em­ploy­ee: Would you like beans?
Asian la­dy: Chick­en and pork.
Chipo­tle em­ploy­ee: Okay, would you like beans?
Asian la­dy: And rice!
Chipo­tle em­ploy­ee: Would you like beans??
Asian la­dy: Blank stare.
Chipo­tle em­ploy­ee: Wou… Shakes head… Any­thing else?

–Chipo­tle, 56th & 6th

Over­heard by: Bur­ri­to Lover

Boyfriend: Hon­ey, do you wan­na see some­thing ug­ly?
Girl­friend: What? Your face?

–Cres­cent St & 34th Ave, As­to­ria

Young blonde woman: Mi­la Ku­nis is amaz­ing. She makes me want to go anorex­ic, dye my hair brown and turn Ukran­ian.
Male friend #1: She dat­ed Macaulay Culkin, right?
Male friend #2: They broke up.
Young blonde woman: Oh, yeah. I guess they did.

–29th & 6th

Schol­ar #1: So what did you get on your PSAT?
Schol­ar #2: I got like 91st per­centile.
Schol­ar #1: Yeah, I got like 90th.
Schol­ar #1: Do you think any­body gets 0th per­centile?
Schol­ar #2: It’s prob­a­bly, like… phys­i­cal­ly pos­si­ble, but no one ac­tu­al­ly does.

–F Train

Over­heard by: Jest­ing­Pi­late

Russ­ian teen #1: Their Amer­i­can civ­i­liza­tion, this is crap. Amer­i­can youth is spoiled.
(Russ­ian teen #2 nods un­con­vinced)
Russ­ian teen #1: Look what the black guy was sell­ing to the white guy ! (shows small trans­par­ent bag with weed)
Russ­ian teen #2: Yeah… To pay 60 dol­lars for shit, fuck­ing in­sane…
(Russ­ian teen #1 looks puz­zled)
Russ­ian teen #2, tak­ing out cash from his pock­et: That’s what he paid.

–Lex­ing­ton Ave

Girl #1, see­ing her friend or­der an espres­so: No milk or wa­ter? Just strong cof­fee?
Girl #2: Yeah, I like my cof­fee the way I like my men. (thinks, then laughs) Ac­tu­al­ly, that’s to­tal­ly not true.

–Abra­co Espres­so

Over­heard by: Jens

Frus­trat­ed tourist dad: You’re re­al­ly get­ting on my nerves!
Son: What are nerves?

–6th Ave & 49th St

Over­heard by: Al­mostanewyork­er

Teenag­er: Who wants to sleep on the plane? Lets just stay here!
Dad: Who knows, this plane might go to An­chor­age or some­thing…
Teenag­er: Oh cool, I like Cana­da. I would­n’t mind stay­ing there.
Flight at­ten­dant: An­chor­age is in Alas­ka…

–LGA

Over­heard by: Tired FA

White guy: What are those? I don’t know what a koi is!
White girl #1: It’s like a gi­ant Japan­ese gold­fish.
White guy: Oh, it’s Japan­ese?
White girl #2: My den­tist used to have those in his of­fice!

–Brook­lyn Botan­ic Gar­den