Guy #1: Yo, what's today's date?
Guy #2: Dude, it's the 4th! Obama's birthday!
–Broadway & Maiden Lane
Archive for 2011
The First Rule Of Beans Is, “Don't Take About the Beans.”
Chipotle employee: Would you like beans?
Asian lady: Chicken and pork.
Chipotle employee: Okay, would you like beans?
Asian lady: And rice!
Chipotle employee: Would you like beans??
Asian lady: Blank stare.
Chipotle employee: Wou… Shakes head… Anything else?
–Chipotle, 56th & 6th
Overheard by: Burrito Lover
Walked Right Into That One.
Boyfriend: Honey, do you wanna see something ugly?
Girlfriend: What? Your face?
–Crescent St & 34th Ave, Astoria
Not That It Matters to My Girl Crush
Young blonde woman: Mila Kunis is amazing. She makes me want to go anorexic, dye my hair brown and turn Ukranian.
Male friend #1: She dated Macaulay Culkin, right?
Male friend #2: They broke up.
Young blonde woman: Oh, yeah. I guess they did.
–29th & 6th
Not Without Pharmaceutical Assistance, Anyway
Scholar #1: So what did you get on your PSAT?
Scholar #2: I got like 91st percentile.
Scholar #1: Yeah, I got like 90th.
Scholar #1: Do you think anybody gets 0th percentile?
Scholar #2: It's probably, like… physically possible, but no one actually does.
–F Train
Overheard by: JestingPilate
It's Not Easy Selling Green.
Russian teen #1: Their American civilization, this is crap. American youth is spoiled.
(Russian teen #2 nods unconvinced)
Russian teen #1: Look what the black guy was selling to the white guy ! (shows small transparent bag with weed)
Russian teen #2: Yeah… To pay 60 dollars for shit, fucking insane…
(Russian teen #1 looks puzzled)
Russian teen #2, taking out cash from his pocket: That's what he paid.
–Lexington Ave
…Though I Have Been with Men Who've Left Me with a Burning Sensation.
Girl #1, seeing her friend order an espresso: No milk or water? Just strong coffee?
Girl #2: Yeah, I like my coffee the way I like my men. (thinks, then laughs) Actually, that's totally not true.
–Abraco Espresso
Overheard by: Jens
Kids Extend Your Nervous System Into the World– Where They Irritate It
Frustrated tourist dad: You're really getting on my nerves!
Son: What are nerves?
–6th Ave & 49th St
Overheard by: Almostanewyorker
Whenever It Tries to Escape, They Drag It Back
Teenager: Who wants to sleep on the plane? Lets just stay here!
Dad: Who knows, this plane might go to Anchorage or something…
Teenager: Oh cool, I like Canada. I wouldn't mind staying there.
Flight attendant: Anchorage is in Alaska…
–LGA
Overheard by: Tired FA
I Always Assumed They Were His Friends from School
White guy: What are those? I don't know what a koi is!
White girl #1: It's like a giant Japanese goldfish.
White guy: Oh, it's Japanese?
White girl #2: My dentist used to have those in his office!
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden