Archive for 2011

Nature: 3 Nurture: 0

Little boy #1, looking at Victoria's Secret ad: Eewww!
Little boy #2, turning back to look: Eewww!
Both, pointing at woman's ass in the ad: Eeewwwww!

–W 34 St & 6 Ave

Overheard by: VisitingMySister

Meet Her Brother.

Four-year-old girl: Hello titty…
Mom: Hello, stupid! It's “Hello Kitty.”
Four-year-old girl: Hello titty!

–OB-GYN Office, City Hall

Her Titties Are Always Inviting Them in and Giving Them Candy

Drunk teenage boy #1: Yes, Jackie* was attractive. I told her she had a nice body. She said thank you. I said you're welcome.
Drunk teenage boy #2: She had nice titties.
Sober teenage girl: That's why people talk to her.

–Diner, 100th St & Broadway

Marry Him; He's a Keeper

Guy: What happened?
Girl: So he, like, lied to me. And then he was really mad at me. And then he was like really really really mean to me like forever. And now I'm sucking his dick.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Wednesdildo One-Liners

Guy to woman on park bench: So then I was like, "Okay, it's vibrating. It's your turn."

–108 & Broadway

Overheard by: carol

Guy to date: Anal beads!

–Auction House Bar, Upper East Side

Overheard by: JT

Brother: Hey, sis, fuck any guys in the ass with a dildo lately?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ry

Guy to friend: Hey man, I always wanted to own a sex shop, spend all day talkin' to bitches 'bout dill-doez.

–Bushwick

Guy, screaming into cell: You don't have a job, Rita*… you're sitting at home sucking and fucking a dildo! At least I am out here handing out flyer's for a living!

–8th & 39th

Overheard by: Becki M

Wednesday Gets More One-Liner Than a Toilet Seat.

Woman: I may be looking for one bed partner, but until I find him I'll settle for many.

–Williamsburg

Woman on phone: Shaquanda's a hoe. You can't turn a ho into a housewife.

–St. George Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: John

Sorority suit to group of frat boy suits: I was in AOPi. They used to call us "AO cream pie."

–53rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: tommya

Guy to friend: I ran into this girl the other day and she said "you don't remember me? You fucked me like last week!" so I said "girl, youse a hoe!"

–1 Train

Not-ugly Columbia undergrad outside Pi Kappa frat house: Come on, let me in, I'm a pike slut. Just let me in and I'll fuck you.

–114th St & Broadway

Bitchy coworker: She was sleeping with so many people that, statistically, someone had to die.

–52nd & 6th

Overheard by: simonfknyc

WASPday One-Liners

Professor: Wake your honky ass up and listen to me! Yes, I just said "honky." Out loud.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Drug dealer to another: Why you sell to black people? Sell to white people–that's where the money's at.

–Prospect Park

Black dude to white girlfriend: If you think you're setting one foot on that boardwalk without putting on this SPF 45, surely you are out of your damn mind.

–F Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Crazy black lady to white lady: This is a white man's world! I oughta shoot you in the face!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: rudy STANTZ

Youngster, after being shown trailer for John Lennon biopic Nowhere Boy: Yo–that's like a white people version of the Biggie Smalls movie.

–AMC Loews Theater, Kips Bay

I Love My Wednesday, but Oh You One-Liner!

Young black guy on cell: Okay, okay, okay… What if I told you I have another girlfriend… On the side?

–New Museum

Angry girl on cell: And my other boyfriend is cheating on me with his wife again!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Joseph O'Connell

Angry woman trying to yell at her husband and not be overheard: You stretched her ass and licked it… Just like you did to me!

–Washington Square Park

Loud guy on phone: I have a very serious question, and I expect a very serious answer. Did you fuck my girlfriend last night?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Mimi

50-something guy to another: That's why I never cheat on my wife, because I know I'd get caught. I just wish she wasn't getting so fat.

–Outside Essex House

Overheard by: NewNewYorker

The Little Wednesday One-Liner That Could

Conductor: For reasons known only to the sadists who run the MTA, this downtown d train will be making all local stops to 59th Street.

–D Train

Conductor: 125th Street, next stop is 116, stand clear of the closing doors. (more quietly) You know, I'm kinda thirsty.

–Downtown C Train

MTA employee: This is the last stop on the q train. Please take all of your personal belongings… and don't forget your children.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Victoria

Train driver, announcing last stop: This is it. There is no more… Nothing else.

–Times Square Subway Station

Overheard by: NYCQ

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch.

Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed.

–Times Square

Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?

–38th & 2nd

Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.

–7th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: NYCQ

Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you.

–42nd St & Ave of the Americas

Overheard by: Matthew