Archive for 2011

Na­ture: 3 Nur­ture: 0

Lit­tle boy #1, look­ing at Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret ad: Eewww!
Lit­tle boy #2, turn­ing back to look: Eewww!
Both, point­ing at wom­an’s ass in the ad: Eeewwwww!

–W 34 St & 6 Ave

Over­heard by: Vis­it­ingM­y­Sis­ter

Meet Her Broth­er.

Four-year-old girl: Hel­lo tit­ty…
Mom: Hel­lo, stu­pid! It’s “Hel­lo Kit­ty.“
Four-year-old girl: Hel­lo tit­ty!

–OB-GYN Of­fice, City Hall

Mar­ry Him; He’s a Keep­er

Guy: What hap­pened?
Girl: So he, like, lied to me. And then he was re­al­ly mad at me. And then he was like re­al­ly re­al­ly re­al­ly mean to me like for­ev­er. And now I’m suck­ing his dick.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Sean

Wednes­dil­do One-Lin­ers

Guy to woman on park bench: So then I was like, “Okay, it’s vi­brat­ing. It’s your turn.”

–108 & Broad­way

Over­heard by: car­ol

Guy to date: Anal beads!

–Auc­tion House Bar, Up­per East Side

Over­heard by: JT

Broth­er: Hey, sis, fuck any guys in the ass with a dil­do late­ly?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ry

Guy to friend: Hey man, I al­ways want­ed to own a sex shop, spend all day talkin’ to bitch­es ’bout dill-doez.


Guy, scream­ing in­to cell: You don’t have a job, Ri­ta*… you’re sit­ting at home suck­ing and fuck­ing a dil­do! At least I am out here hand­ing out fly­er’s for a liv­ing!

–8th & 39th

Over­heard by: Bec­ki M

Wednes­day Gets More One-Lin­er Than a Toi­let Seat.

Woman: I may be look­ing for one bed part­ner, but un­til I find him I’ll set­tle for many.


Woman on phone: Shaquan­da’s a hoe. You can’t turn a ho in­to a house­wife.

–St. George Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: John

Soror­i­ty suit to group of frat boy suits: I was in AOPi. They used to call us “AO cream pie.”

–53rd & Park Ave

Over­heard by: tom­mya

Guy to friend: I ran in­to this girl the oth­er day and she said “you don’t re­mem­ber me? You fucked me like last week!” so I said “girl, youse a hoe!”

–1 Train

Not-ug­ly Co­lum­bia un­der­grad out­side Pi Kap­pa frat house: Come on, let me in, I’m a pike slut. Just let me in and I’ll fuck you.

–114th St & Broad­way

Bitchy cowork­er: She was sleep­ing with so many peo­ple that, sta­tis­ti­cal­ly, some­one had to die.

–52nd & 6th

Over­heard by: si­mon­fknyc

WASP­day One-Lin­ers

Pro­fes­sor: Wake your honky ass up and lis­ten to me! Yes, I just said “honky.” Out loud.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Drug deal­er to an­oth­er: Why you sell to black peo­ple? Sell to white people–that’s where the mon­ey’s at.

–Prospect Park

Black dude to white girl­friend: If you think you’re set­ting one foot on that board­walk with­out putting on this SPF 45, sure­ly you are out of your damn mind.

–F Train

Over­heard by: Em­Lo

Crazy black la­dy to white la­dy: This is a white man’s world! I ough­ta shoot you in the face!

–Du­ane Reade

Over­heard by: rudy STANTZ

Young­ster, af­ter be­ing shown trail­er for John Lennon biopic Nowhere Boy: Yo–that’s like a white peo­ple ver­sion of the Big­gie Smalls movie.

–AMC Loews The­ater, Kips Bay

I Love My Wednes­day, but Oh You One-Lin­er!

Young black guy on cell: Okay, okay, okay… What if I told you I have an­oth­er girl­friend… On the side?

–New Mu­se­um

An­gry girl on cell: And my oth­er boyfriend is cheat­ing on me with his wife again!

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Joseph O’­Con­nell

An­gry woman try­ing to yell at her hus­band and not be over­heard: You stretched her ass and licked it… Just like you did to me!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Loud guy on phone: I have a very se­ri­ous ques­tion, and I ex­pect a very se­ri­ous an­swer. Did you fuck my girl­friend last night?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Mi­mi

50-some­thing guy to an­oth­er: That’s why I nev­er cheat on my wife, be­cause I know I’d get caught. I just wish she was­n’t get­ting so fat.

–Out­side Es­sex House

Over­heard by: NewNewYork­er

The Lit­tle Wednes­day One-Lin­er That Could

Con­duc­tor: For rea­sons known on­ly to the sadists who run the MTA, this down­town d train will be mak­ing all lo­cal stops to 59th Street.

–D Train

Con­duc­tor: 125th Street, next stop is 116, stand clear of the clos­ing doors. (more qui­et­ly) You know, I’m kin­da thirsty.

–Down­town C Train

MTA em­ploy­ee: This is the last stop on the q train. Please take all of your per­son­al be­long­ings… and don’t for­get your chil­dren.

–Coney Is­land

Over­heard by: Vic­to­ria

Train dri­ver, an­nounc­ing last stop: This is it. There is no more… Noth­ing else.

–Times Square Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: NY­CQ

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Will Cut a Bitch.

Mid­dle school­er on field trip: Oh my god, we’re gonna get knifed.

–Times Square

Woman on cell: Do you have any chain­saws I can bor­row?

–38th & 2nd

Harley David­son dude to an­oth­er: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.

–7th St & Bed­ford Ave

Over­heard by: NY­CQ

Woman on cell: To­day is not the day. I can’t come to 14th Street or I’ll stab you.

–42nd St & Ave of the Amer­i­c­as

Over­heard by: Matthew