Little boy #1, looking at Victoria’s Secret ad: Eewww!
Little boy #2, turning back to look: Eewww!
Both, pointing at woman’s ass in the ad: Eeewwwww!
–W 34 St & 6 Ave
Overheard by: VisitingMySister
Archive for 2011
Meet Her Brother.
Four-year-old girl: Hello titty…
Mom: Hello, stupid! It’s “Hello Kitty.“
Four-year-old girl: Hello titty!
–OB-GYN Office, City Hall
Her Titties Are Always Inviting Them in and Giving Them Candy
Drunk teenage boy #1: Yes, Jackie* was attractive. I told her she had a nice body. She said thank you. I said you’re welcome.
Drunk teenage boy #2: She had nice titties.
Sober teenage girl: That’s why people talk to her.
–Diner, 100th St & Broadway
Marry Him; He’s a Keeper
Guy: What happened?
Girl: So he, like, lied to me. And then he was really mad at me. And then he was like really really really mean to me like forever. And now I’m sucking his dick.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Sean
Wednesdildo One-Liners
Guy to woman on park bench: So then I was like, “Okay, it’s vibrating. It’s your turn.”
–108 & Broadway
Overheard by: carol
Guy to date: Anal beads!
–Auction House Bar, Upper East Side
Overheard by: JT
Brother: Hey, sis, fuck any guys in the ass with a dildo lately?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ry
Guy to friend: Hey man, I always wanted to own a sex shop, spend all day talkin’ to bitches ’bout dill-doez.
–Bushwick
Guy, screaming into cell: You don’t have a job, Rita*… you’re sitting at home sucking and fucking a dildo! At least I am out here handing out flyer’s for a living!
–8th & 39th
Overheard by: Becki M
Wednesday Gets More One-Liner Than a Toilet Seat.
Woman: I may be looking for one bed partner, but until I find him I’ll settle for many.
–Williamsburg
Woman on phone: Shaquanda’s a hoe. You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.
–St. George Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: John
Sorority suit to group of frat boy suits: I was in AOPi. They used to call us “AO cream pie.”
–53rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: tommya
Guy to friend: I ran into this girl the other day and she said “you don’t remember me? You fucked me like last week!” so I said “girl, youse a hoe!”
–1 Train
Not-ugly Columbia undergrad outside Pi Kappa frat house: Come on, let me in, I’m a pike slut. Just let me in and I’ll fuck you.
–114th St & Broadway
Bitchy coworker: She was sleeping with so many people that, statistically, someone had to die.
–52nd & 6th
Overheard by: simonfknyc
WASPday One-Liners
Professor: Wake your honky ass up and listen to me! Yes, I just said “honky.” Out loud.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Drug dealer to another: Why you sell to black people? Sell to white people – that’s where the money’s at.
–Prospect Park
Black dude to white girlfriend: If you think you’re setting one foot on that boardwalk without putting on this SPF 45, surely you are out of your damn mind.
–F Train
Overheard by: EmLo
Crazy black lady to white lady: This is a white man’s world! I oughta shoot you in the face!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: rudy STANTZ
Youngster, after being shown trailer for John Lennon biopic Nowhere Boy: Yo – that’s like a white people version of the Biggie Smalls movie.
–AMC Loews Theater, Kips Bay
I Love My Wednesday, but Oh You One-Liner!
Young black guy on cell: Okay, okay, okay… What if I told you I have another girlfriend… On the side?
–New Museum
Angry girl on cell: And my other boyfriend is cheating on me with his wife again!
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell
Angry woman trying to yell at her husband and not be overheard: You stretched her ass and licked it… Just like you did to me!
–Washington Square Park
Loud guy on phone: I have a very serious question, and I expect a very serious answer. Did you fuck my girlfriend last night?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Mimi
50-something guy to another: That’s why I never cheat on my wife, because I know I’d get caught. I just wish she wasn’t getting so fat.
–Outside Essex House
Overheard by: NewNewYorker
The Little Wednesday One-Liner That Could
Conductor: For reasons known only to the sadists who run the MTA, this downtown d train will be making all local stops to 59th Street.
–D Train
Conductor: 125th Street, next stop is 116, stand clear of the closing doors. (more quietly) You know, I’m kinda thirsty.
–Downtown C Train
MTA employee: This is the last stop on the q train. Please take all of your personal belongings… and don’t forget your children.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Victoria
Train driver, announcing last stop: This is it. There is no more… Nothing else.
–Times Square Subway Station
Overheard by: NYCQ
Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch.
Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we’re gonna get knifed.
–Times Square
Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?
–38th & 2nd
Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.
–7th St & Bedford Ave
Overheard by: NYCQ
Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can’t come to 14th Street or I’ll stab you.
–42nd St & Ave of the Americas
Overheard by: Matthew
