Archive for 2011

Thanks for the Business! –Your Editors

Drunk girl #1: I feel like if any of these train people were listening to our conversation right now, it would be hysterically confusing.
Drunk girl #2: We should talk louder.

–D Train


…And Buy Me More Fries

Asian girl: You guys still aren’t talking?
Asian guy: Nope.
Asian girl: Because you threw the fries at him?
Asian guy: Yeah.
Asian girl: But I thought you were going to apologize.
Asian guy: I was, but now I just think it’s funny, so I’m going to try and get him to apologize.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Oof


To Be Fair, That’s His Name.

Large Caribbean woman yelling at 5‑year-old son: What the fuck are you doing? You’re too fucking close to the fucking street. A fucking car is going to hit you. Give me your hand. Give me yo’ hand. You little faggot! I told you to give me your fuckin’ hand! (child takes her hand) Fucking faggot…

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Professor Blanco


I’ll Explain on the Way

Daughter: Where are we going?
Mother: We’re going to the 2nd Ave deli on 3rd Ave.

–44th b/w7th & 8th


Joe Cocker: That’s Not What I Meant!

Little girl: I never get sweaty in a hat! I always get sweaty in my clothes!
Mom: Fine, you can go naked wearing a hat.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: MPW


Translation: You Bore Me

Tattooed girl to boyfriend looking at iPhone: What are you reading?
Tattooed boyfriend: Tips on knife sharpening.
Tattooed girl: Why?
Tattooed boyfriend: I have varied interests.

–Barcade, Brooklyn

Overheard by: A‑cakes


Amy’s Curds Get in Her Whey

Girl: Do you smell something weird?
Friend: Yeah… I’m totally cottage- cheesing down south. Sorry, I’ll spray some perfume.

–Hudson Hotel


One-upmanship Is My Anti-Drug

Panhandler: It took me 15 years to kick up the crack habit
Lady: Dang! It took you 15 years, it only to me 7.

–Uptown 3 Train


Isn’t That Always the Way?

College student #1: I guess he’s attractive.
College student #2: He’s really hot. (pause) Too bad he’s gay.
College student #1: He didn’t used to be like that.
College student #2: He didn’t?
College student #1: No, it started when he went to France.

–Barnard Elevator

Overheard by: France Will Do That To You


The Hard Part Is Pretending to Listen

Guy #1: Oh, I’m not really up for a relationship. I mean… Being in a relationship means talking to the same person every single day.
Guy #2: Yeah…

–42nd St

Overheard by: Lana