Archive for 2011

Who's the Dorky One? Show Your Work.

Mom: So what are you doing tonight?
Adult daughter: I dunno. Probably playing Prince of Persia.
Mom: Oh! The one I got you?
Adult daughter: Yeah. The Sands of Time.
Mom: “Like sand through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives.”
Adult daughter: Umm…
Mom: Like that?

–Penn Station

Your Editors Feel Both Reassured and Disappointed

Guy #1: Yours was the first one I touched, you know.
Guy #2: Oh wow, really?
Guy #1: Yeah. It's addicting.
Guy #2: Tell me about it.
Guy #1: So I went out and bought my own iPad. I love it.

–42nd St & 11th Ave

They Confiscate the Ones They Like

Guy waiting in LaGuardia x-ray to girlfriend: They're lookin at my balls right now.
TSA officer: Copy. Copy. You can go.
Guy's girlfriend: They didn't like 'em.

–LaGuardia Airport

Now I Hate You

Pretty brunette #1: My parents hate me.
Pretty brunette #2: What do you mean?
Pretty brunette #1: They told me I have to pay for my own gas and insurance! Plus, I already have to pay for my ice skating lessons and my trip to France.
Pretty brunette #2: Didn't they pay for us to see this show tonight?
Pretty brunette #1: Yeah, but that's not what I mean!

–Majestic Theatre

Hot Tranny Wednesday One-Liners

Father to son: Hey! You boy! You don't work that pole!

–L Train

Overheard by: Sanam

Tranny, wailing to nobody in particular: Women! You don't have any vagina muscles! You can't please the men!

–Amsterdam & 96th St

Tall black man: Can you believe that that bitch called me a faggot? A faggot is a little boy, I am a grown ass drag queen. I will put on a wig and some heels and rip that bitch's throat out!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Jade

20-something white girl on phone: Oh my god, guess where I went today… Target! (pause)
It's in Spanish Harlem. (pause) Yes, I went with someone, I went with this gay guy who acted more of a girl than I did!

–Penn Station

30-something suit on cell: But you know what? (audible snap!) That's just a good lesson for the trannies!

–A Train

Overheard by: willbnyc

Wednesday One-Liners, Now in 3D!

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, here is today's trivia question: in the movie The Wizard of Oz, what was the name of Dorothy's uncle? If you know the answer please tell the conductor. It's driving him nuts.

–F Train

Overheard by: Nick Mavro

Man on cell: Are you on 17th or 18? Okay, we'll meet in the middle. Like Benjamin Button.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Megan

Coed to friend: Girl, don't even question how many times I've seen Maid in Manhattan.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Lix

Old gayguy sagely talking to really old gay guy on stoop: When A Clockwork Orange was made it was a fable. Now it's a documentary.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Beethoven

Hobo pushing office chair down street to students waiting in long line: What is this line for? This better be for a damn good movie, with lots of sex and violence! What is this shit? Chucky gets married or something?!

–University & 8th

Wednesday One-Liners See the Big Picture

Usher to couple taking pictures: Excuse me, please. If you love Jesus, you'll stop taking pictures of the chandelier.

–Broadway Theater

Guy on cell: And the Jackie Onassis picture had laser beams for eyes!

–Central Park Reservoir

Hobo, screaming at young female tourist attempting to photograph him: Go ahead, take a picture, bitch! I'll break that shit. (looks at her companion) That yo man? I'll break him too!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Mark P

Holidaying mum to teenager: Why do you have to do that? You ruin every freaking picture! Take a nice picture!

–6 Train

Overheard by: katherine Wallace

Teen on cell: I'm gonna take a big dump, send you a picture of it, then you can call me back.

–Bushwick