Archive for 2011

Some People Get Way Too Into The Sims.

Woman #1, sobbing uncontrollably against wall: I swear if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be there for you.
Woman #2, very angry: Yeah, well, he was just my husband until a month ago!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Clarence Eckerson Jr.

There’s No Defense Against Kindness

Passerby to man: I know you! You’re a good guy, man.
Man: You don’t know me.
Passerby: I’ve seen you around here a couple of times.
Man: You don’t know me!

–3rd Ave & St. Mark’s

Overheard by: Katherine

Regardless, You’ll Be Judged.

Judge: So I’ll adjourn this trial to April 12, 2012.
Lawyer: They say the world may end in 2012.
Judge: Then I recommend you settle the case.

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

Ethiopians Are Understandably Wary Of the Pine Barrens

Cab driver: Excuse me, where are you from?
Girl: Jersey.
Cab driver: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were from my home country.
Girl: Where’s that?
Cab driver: Ethiopia.
Girl: I knew my diet was working!

–75th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liner Talk With Linda Richman

Woman on cell: I can’t find you. What are you near? (pause) You’re near a Starbucks?

–Herald Square, Corner of Starbucks & Starbucks

Overheard by: Eve

Southern male tourist, very excited: I found a Starbucks, honey!

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: Charley

Flamboyant black man with coffee, pushing his way through crowd, loudly: I got coffee and I’m not saying “excuse me.” I’m not sick in the head.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: erkala

Pudgy Southern tourist woman to pudgy southern tourist man: Look, honey, there’s Starbucks! Oh! Oh! Look, there’s Starbucks!

–Washington & Albany

30-something woman to ex: The answer is no. And if I change my mind, I’m not going to let my ego get in the way of calling you, but no fucking way. A whiskey? Sure. Sex? Maybe. But there is no fucking way I am getting coffee with you.

–Bar, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Evan

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners…”

Chic blonde girl to chic blonde friend: I was like “I don’t really know what’s going on mentally, but your hair looks really good.”

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Rose

Loud mixed race Jamaican woman to blonde woman asking her to be quiet: You think you so great? You got blonde hair… I got blonde hair!

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Fred

Cat fight spectator: Oh, shit… She ripped out her track… Shit, there’s mad weaves on the floor!

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: love my school

Young man in elevator to friend: He’s taller than me with my hair gelled.

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Jim N

Man to wife, during intermission: I don’t think anyone gets killed, I think someone gets a haircut.

Marriage of Figaro,Metropolitan Opera

Overheard by: Cheryl

A Wednesday One-Liner a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Furious teenage girl to boyfriend: Who’s the cantaloupe now, motherfucker?

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Sunny

Man to bodega vendor: What would you get a girl for two dollars? I think I’ll go with the grapefruit.

–Bleecker St

Guy eating watermelon: Fucking seedless, my ass!

–Central Park

Female suit: She was flying down the stairs with her dress up, no panties, half of her ass hanging out, and a banana in her mouth.

–57th St &7th Ave

Overheard by: varumarke

20-something, cheerfully: We make the goo! It’s fresh goo, and the strawberries are real!

–Carroll St & Kingston Ave

Overheard by: Scared of the goo!

Psh, You Still Read Wednesday One-Liners?

Hipster guy, rejecting hip-hop CD offered by street vendor: I would buy it if it was like, alternative folk… Or, like, alternative hip-hop… Really, I’d buy it if it just had the word “alternative” in it.

–West Village

Hipster girl to friend: Don’t worry, we’ll find a time to watch socialist movies together soon!

–Eugene Lang College

Hipster girl staring at Pabst beer: I can’t believe we’re drinking hipster beer!

–Bogart & Varet, Brooklyn

Hipster girl to hipster boyfriend, after PA announced that a crowded subway is no excuse for inappropriate touching: I like to be touched inappropriately.

–B Train

Overheard by: Rich Weksberg

Hipster boy: The first time I got gay-raped I was like, “oh yeah, I might like this.”

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Lesbian Unicorn

Hipster guy to hipster girlfriend: Getting a job is not selling out; it’s just getting a job.


Overheard by: Bearded Wonder