Wednesday One-Liners Have at Least One Marketable Skill

Pragmatist: I figure if I don’t get a job in publishing, I’ll become a video vixen.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: Christine

Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer!

–34^th & 8^th

Overheard by: Skye

Ditz: Supposably [sic], she’s going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She’s so stupid.

–54^th St between 9^th & 10^th

Media scholar: Well it’s different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15.

–20^th & 8^th

I’ll Wait and Give It to the Kid

Lady hobo: Hey, y’all, I’m homeless and I’m three months pregnant, and I’m looking for some help from the people of this train, so if anybody got some money they want to give, please help me take care of my baby.
College girl with change: I’ll give you this money if you’re saving up for an abortion.
Lady hobo: What? Nooo, I’m keeepin’ my baby.
College girl, putting change away: Okay, then.
Lady hobo: Wait, what?

–F train

In Person, Miley and Billy Ray Are Pretty Much What You’d Expect.

Guy, on Nextel: Hey, honey.
Girl, on other end of Nextel: Dad, I’m pissed! I think he’s cheating on me.
Guy: Why do you say that?
Girl: Cause my vagina is itchy and red.
Guy: Well, maybe you should go get checked.
Girl: But dad, what should I do?
Guy: Honey, let me call you back, I’m about to pay the cashier… call you in a little.

–33^rd & Madison

Overheard by: OZoNE

Would You Prefer “Dismounting”?

Bus driver: (to passenger standing near door) are you getting off?
Random old man: (mutters) I don’t like those two words, “getting off.”

–Q33 bus

Not Exactly American Girl, Honey

Elementary-aged girl to her mother, upon seeing an ad atop a passing cab: “wow, mom, new york dolls! Can we go?“
Mom: “uh… No.”

–Duane St. and Hudson St.

Cultural Imperialism? Discuss.

Older lady #1: Now who builds an art gallery in the middle of the ghetto??
Older lady #2: White people.

–Myrtle and Tompkins Ave. in Bedstuy

Overheard by: Matt Dallow

Um, That Was a Billboard.

lost yuppies (and you think hipsters are bad).
Yuppie guy #1: I think we have to go over the bridge before we can get off.
Yuppie girl: I never go to brooklyn, I prefer to stay in chelsea or the west village. I dont even like to go to les. Too divey.
Yuppie guy #2: You dont like to slum it?
Girl: No im not into slumming it in the les.
:: they all laugh::
Yuppie guy #1: (whispering) I hear where we are going is near the marcy projects.
Yuppie guy #2: (as the train starts to go over the bridge) yeah, I heard that too. There are just too many graffitied walls around here for my comfort.

–Brooklyn bound J train

“Blanket Statement:” Defined

heard a loud noise from a mother asking her room from outside.
“what was that, justin??”
“the blankets fell off the bed, mom!”
“how come his voice so loud?”
“in my blanket no, ma’am!”

–East 6^th & 3^rd Ave

We Totally Understand Why Our Submitter Sent This In

As I walked past two homeless guys:
Homeless guy #1: Wow! She’s beautiful!
Homeless guy #2 (condescendingly): She’s not [I]real[/I].

–116^th and Madison

Bob Thought He Was Drinking at the Library

Girl, hitting on guy with book: “oh, you like to read? What’s your name?“
Guy: (mutters inaudibly).
Girl: “is that how you talk to a girl at a bar?”

–Sycamore, Brooklyn

Overheard In New York

Archive for 2012