Archive for February, 2012

It’s a Pe­ti­tion to Ban Talk­ing to Strangers

Pe­ti­tion­ing man, run­ning to­wards a woman with his arms out­stretched: You… I’m go­ing to talk to you now.
Woman, shak­ing head in fear: No, no.
Ran­dom passer­by: Ha­ha, yeah! You’re do­ing it right.
Pe­ti­tion­ing man: Thank you!

–63rd St & Broad­way

Will New York­ers Ever Change?

40-some­thing year old woman: Would you please give me change, sir?
Teen dude: What kind of change would you like?
40-some­thing year old woman, af­ter star­ing: Don’t you know what change is, moth­er­fuck­er? I am hold­ing a cup. You know what that means?
Teen dude: It means that you’re a freak­ish bitch­woman. (walks away)

–Broad­way & 242nd Street, Bronx

So “Flog­ging the Dol­phin” Does­n’t In­volve Ac­tu­al Dol­phins

Thought­ful 14-year-old girl: I don’t think I’d like leather sub­cul­ture, I mean, do they have a choice? Like, does­n’t that in­volve hurt­ing lit­tle an­i­mals and shit?
Knowl­edge­able friend: It does­n’t have to be, like, ac­tu­al leather.
Thought­ful 14-year-old girl: Oh! Okay.

–Cafe, 115th & Broad­way

God Makes It Dif­fi­cult to Re­sist the For­bid­den Fruit

Man #1: I hate far Rock­away, man. It’s crazy there!
Man #2: Yeah, man.
Man #1: Yeah! This one time I was walk­ing down the street in far Rock­away and I saw a man cling­ing to the back of a truck, just throw­ing ap­ples at peo­ple!

–A Train

Over­heard by: Dis­likes Ap­ples

…Copy That?

Boy: Julie*, can I copy your home­work?
Julie: Are we friends?
Boy: What?
Julie: I said, are you my friend?
Boy: Yeah, we’re friends.
Julie: Then go away.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Our Ac­quain­tance­ship Seems Al­so to Have Be­gun at Its End

Em­inem style white guy, try­ing pick­up line: How was the book?
Pret­ty Chi­nese girl read­ing book, turn­ing page left to right: What?
Em­inem style white guy: The book you just fin­ished, how was it?
Pret­ty Chi­nese girl read­ing book: I’m Chi­nese, this how we read books!

–N Train

And In­stead Of Aru­ba, It’s Al­bany

Girl #1: It makes me so sad… and mad! For them…
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: You know, all the Mad­off stuff.
Girl #2: What about the Mad­off stuff?
Girl #1: Well, since all that Mad­off shit, now they can on­ly take, like, half the va­ca­tions they used to!

–57th St & Lex­ing­ton

…Wan­na See My Aslan?

Girl #1 to over­ly friend­ly boy: You can’t sit here.
Girl #2: Yeah, we’re too cool for you to sit with us.
Girl #3: We’re so cool we know where Nar­nia is.
Boy: I know where Nar­nia is!
Girls, in uni­son: Where?
Boy: In my pants.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny