Archive for February, 2012

It’s a Petition to Ban Talking to Strangers

Petitioning man, running towards a woman with his arms outstretched: You… I’m going to talk to you now.
Woman, shaking head in fear: No, no.
Random passerby: Haha, yeah! You’re doing it right.
Petitioning man: Thank you!

–63rd St & Broadway

Will New Yorkers Ever Change?

40-something year old woman: Would you please give me change, sir?
Teen dude: What kind of change would you like?
40-something year old woman, after staring: Don’t you know what change is, motherfucker? I am holding a cup. You know what that means?
Teen dude: It means that you’re a freakish bitchwoman. (walks away)

–Broadway & 242nd Street, Bronx

So “Flogging the Dolphin” Doesn’t Involve Actual Dolphins

Thoughtful 14-year-old girl: I don’t think I’d like leather subculture, I mean, do they have a choice? Like, doesn’t that involve hurting little animals and shit?
Knowledgeable friend: It doesn’t have to be, like, actual leather.
Thoughtful 14-year-old girl: Oh! Okay.

–Cafe, 115th & Broadway

God Makes It Difficult to Resist the Forbidden Fruit

Man #1: I hate far Rockaway, man. It’s crazy there!
Man #2: Yeah, man.
Man #1: Yeah! This one time I was walking down the street in far Rockaway and I saw a man clinging to the back of a truck, just throwing apples at people!

–A Train

Overheard by: Dislikes Apples

…Copy That?

Boy: Julie*, can I copy your homework?
Julie: Are we friends?
Boy: What?
Julie: I said, are you my friend?
Boy: Yeah, we’re friends.
Julie: Then go away.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Our Acquaintanceship Seems Also to Have Begun at Its End

Eminem style white guy, trying pickup line: How was the book?
Pretty Chinese girl reading book, turning page left to right: What?
Eminem style white guy: The book you just finished, how was it?
Pretty Chinese girl reading book: I’m Chinese, this how we read books!

–N Train

And Instead Of Aruba, It’s Albany

Girl #1: It makes me so sad… and mad! For them…
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: You know, all the Madoff stuff.
Girl #2: What about the Madoff stuff?
Girl #1: Well, since all that Madoff shit, now they can only take, like, half the vacations they used to!

–57th St & Lexington

…Wanna See My Aslan?

Girl #1 to overly friendly boy: You can’t sit here.
Girl #2: Yeah, we’re too cool for you to sit with us.
Girl #3: We’re so cool we know where Narnia is.
Boy: I know where Narnia is!
Girls, in unison: Where?
Boy: In my pants.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny