Archive for February, 2012

Your Ed­i­tors Sud­den­ly Feel Old

Teenaged boy #1: Man, re­mem­ber the w train?
Teenaged boy #2: The w was the best!
Teenaged boy #1: We’re go­ing to be able to tell our kids, we were born when the w train was still run­ning. Go­ing some­where? Just hop on the w!

–N Train to As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Kate

Kung Fu Ground­hog Seems a Bit Unin­spired

Large woman with chirpy voice: Who was it that got bit­ten by Stat­en Is­land Chuck…? Oh, yeah, it was may­or Bloomberg!
Tall black guy: Gosh, I mean, he should’ve re­al­ized they’re ba­si­cal­ly like gi­ant rats, with large teeth and huge claws.
Large woman with chirpy voice: And he’s a fan of the Wu Tang! (gig­gles)
Tall black guy: Damn right! They should just call him “Shaolin Chuck”, but “ol’ dirty ground­hog” would be even bet­ter! I mean, any­thing that lives in the ground is dirty by de­fault…

–Chelsea

That’s a Tic, Ge­nius

Young woman, look­ing se­duc­tive­ly at male com­pan­ion: (winks)
Male com­pan­ion: That’s the most lame ass wink I’ve ever seen! I mean, geesh! I’ve seen a bet­ter wink on Wink Mar­tin­dale!

–West Vil­lage

You Fuck­ing Heard It Here Fuck­ing First

Guy #1: Who buys bis­cuits? When I open my restau­rant, we’re mak­ing that shit in house.
Guy #2: For re­al!
Guy #1: It don’t take no fuck­ing ge­nius to make no fuck­ing bis­cuits.

–F Train

Trans­la­tion: For­get You and Your Drunk Ass

20-some­thing girl: I had to ask the ques­tion, ‘could I be with some­one who has two dirty mar­ti­nis and three glass­es of wine on a Tues­day evening?’ (long pause).
Friend: I think I need to go out with some­one old­er.
20-some­thing girl: Well, they’ve got to be out there… I won­der if they’re any books on this — I mean, you could go on­line…
Friend: I should put you in con­tact with my friend, he’s a sweet­ie. He’d be a great men­tor… I mean, he cries a lot, but he’s a sweet­ie.

–Park Bench, W12th & 8th

Over­heard by: Corey Bir­tles

Dog: Ask My Pro­ba­tion Of­fi­cer, Here

Old­er vet in camo jack­et, walk­ing lit­tle white dog, to cop: Whad’ya doin, med­i­tatin’ ?
Cop, lean­ing on wall, open­ing eyes: Oh, um I just got off‑a lunch. (point­ing at dog) What’s your ex­cuse?

–26th & 7th

Over­heard by: rick

I Called His House and Woke Up His Wife

Girl #1: So what hap­pened with him?
Girl #2: Girl, you can touch my hand, you can touch my face… But call­in my house ?
Girl #1: That’s ha­rass­ment.
Girl #2 : My house, girl! That’s stalk­ing!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Steve

…Why, Wan­na Give It a Whirl?

Buster Poindex­ter dude: I hate bad sex. There are all kinds of bad sex. Bor­ing sex… and un­con­trol­lable cry­ing sex.
Girl on fourth date: You’ve had some­one cry un­con­trol­lably on you dur­ing sex?
Buster Poindex­ter dude: Oh, yeah! A ton of times.

–Brandy Li­brary

Over­heard by: Adri­an