Mother to daughter: I haven’t had sex since 1988!
Daughter, without pause or hesitation: Wow! Really, didn’t need to know that, mom.
Waiter, walking by: Bwahaha!
–El Ay Si Restaurant, Long Island Coty
Archive for May, 2012
Twelve-Year-Olds Think They Know Everything
Middle aged lady #1: Who are you talkin about? That boy Michael?
middle aged lady #2 Yeah.
Middle aged lady #1: He gives his kids liquor?
Middle aged lady #2: Yeah! And you can’t say nothin bout it either, cuz if you do (puts her hand up in the air in exasperation) …you wrong!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Veronica
I May Be Too Focused on the Hole
Guy #1: Bagels, they can’t last more than two days.
Guy #2: That’s one more day than most of my relationships!
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Not-Susan
So Not First-Date Appropriate
Drunk white girl coming home from the bar: He pooped?
Drunk Asian girl: Yeah, he pooped… in his pants!
Drunk white girl: Why?
Drunk Asian girl: Because he’s a weirdo.
–114th St & Broadway
…To Each Other…For My Pleasure…That’s Feminism, Right?
Beatnik dude #1: You know what the those b, d, f, m trains stand for? It’s “bondage,” “domination,” “feminism,” “masochism.“
Beatnik dude #2: “Feminism”?
Beatnik dude #1: Yeah, because I imagine it’s all women doing it.
–1 Train
So It’s, Like, the Internet?
Girl #1: What’s Girls?
Girl #2: A terrible tv show on HBO.
Girl #1: Oh, it’s bad?
Girl #2: I never saw it, but some of my friends have. They say it’s just about a bunch of ugly girls having sex.
–Eugene O’Neill Theater
Overheard by: T
Nobody on 94th Street Expected the Battle Of Armageddon
Black guy #1: That’s a white man’s holiday! Christmas!
Black guy #2: There goes Farrakhan now!
–94th & Columbus
Overheard by: Special K
Some Tasteful and Understated Wednesday One-Liners.
Teenage girl: I taste like fish.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Murphy
Pants-less girl: I miss having taste buds.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Victoria
Young girl to young man: Have you ever tasted ass?
–42nd St & Vanderbilt Ave
Overheard by: mon
Guy: I don’t have to taste it, I know it’s gonna be bad! And I know that because you never ask me to taste anything good.
–St. Mark’s Place
Wednesday One-Liners *Hic*
College girl to another: I knew you were drunk because every time you opened a beer can you said a Snapple fact.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Nicole
Mom with stroller to another: Am I the only one who thinks being a stay-at-home mom makes you a raging alcoholic? I mean… What else are you supposed to do with your time?
–Astoria
Overheard by: kfowler
White suit to black suit: So we’re getting drunk at the wake, or what?
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Old polish guy to another: You know what’s good for you? If you drink vodka, but you don’t drink it straight early in the morning…
–Greenpoint
Girl: I didn’t know if we had the vibe, and I was too drunk…
–Broadway & 8th
Overheard by: non-gay NYU guy
Edison contractor to coworker: Johnny with the MTA? That fuck is drunk every night–and he works on the third rail!
–Jones & Bleecker
Overheard by: Sasha
Say Whaaa???day One-Liners
Australian tourist: You’re so jellin’ that I’m so ballah, and I’m so ballah that I’m heaps cool berries.
–4th Ave & 61st St
Overheard by: American Slang at it’s finest
Angry suit on cell: I can sue you for defecation of character!
–Midtown
Overheard by: Joseph Firine
Teen on cell: To is or not to is, yoh? To is or not to is? What’z it gonna be, my n’ger?
–Union Square
Adamant teen to another: It’s pretty straightforward: it’s a ‘win, loose’ situation!
–Macy’s, 34st & Broadway
Overheard by: Isis
20-something to friend: She says she does what she pleases. “Pleases” ain’t even a fuckin word!
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Mollie
