High school girl to friend: I know he lying!
Confused female friend: How?
High school girl: Cuz I know a liar from a truther… That’s how!
–McDonald’s, The Bronx
Overheard by: Ange
High school girl to friend: I know he lying!
Confused female friend: How?
High school girl: Cuz I know a liar from a truther… That’s how!
–McDonald’s, The Bronx
Overheard by: Ange
Mother: Now you get to sit in one of these cool chairs, and you put your head back and get shampooed!
Child: No! I don’t want that!
Mother: Okay, can I talk to you for a minute? Mama does this all the time. And it’s nice, because your head is back, no water gets into your eyes at all. Or on your face. Okay?
Child: Okay. (pause) I say no.
–Scott J Salon, 114th & Broadway
Female teen #1: You’re not a girl until you get your (points to her crotch) waxed.
Female teen #2: I was thinking of getting my ass crack waxed.
Female teen #1: Yeah, that shit is hairy. You’ve got to start when your 7 or 8 to tame it.
Female teen #2: Wanna fry?
–5 Train
Drunk, yelling at passerby: Turn to the Lord and you’ll see!
Passerby: I’ll pass.
Drunk: Turn to the Looord!
–Flushing, Queens
Effeminate guy: Can I have the corn salad please, with no corn?
Waiter: Sure!
–Taza Cafe, Brooklyn Heights
Loud guy, comfortingly: Listen, you shouldn’t be embarrassed that you’re Polish.
–14th St & University
Woman on the train: And then he said, “ciao bella” and I was like, “I don’t speak French, you idiot.”
–Penn Station
Exasperated girl on cell to boyfriend sitting next to her: I’m trying to tell him we’ll get there early but he’s not listening, he just keeps making those frenchy sounds at me.
–Bus from New York to Montreal
Guy to his friends: He reminds me of Stalin. (pause) You know, that Russian guy who always cusses at people.
–72nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Fancy
40-something guy to 30-something woman: Your husband’s kinda gay.
–30th Ave & 30th St
Overheard by: Ferna
Girl, after being told that every guy at NYU is gay: Every guy in New York is gay!
–Barnard College
Average-looking guy to flamboyantly dressed guy: I got fat, but you got gay.
–West Village
Overheard by: Ian
Mom to young child: No, he was just pretending to be gay, to trick her!
–15th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Lotte
Hobo, pulling hot dog out of a bin, taking a bite, and throwing it straight on the footpath: This is a fucking vegetarian dog!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Mike
Ditz: I’ve become a vegetarian. Specifically, a Presbyterian. Like, you know, I eat fish and lobster… (friend nods knowingly)
–Union Square
Overheard by: wgoddessw
Older woman getting out of the subway with a bike, singing: Vegan is the way, vegans are the best, vegans have better health, vegans have better sex.
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: Carnivore
Man to friend on bike: You’re not a vegetarian anymore! Now you’re a cannibal.
–Tomkins Square Park
Vegetarian: I’m vegetarian, but I still eat sugar.
–Red Bamboo
Overheard by: Matt Maciejewski
Middle-aged guy to another: So it’s like, which one do I give it to? One’s got one leg, and the other has no legs! (both laugh)
–61st & Broadway
Overheard by: Too many legs to be considered
Guy walking and talking on cell: Do you know how to sew? (pause) Not clothes, asshole. Skin!
–McCarren Park
Tipsy 30-something woman: It makes your cheeks look funny! The cheeks on your face!
–Restroom, Financial District Restaurant
Upper West Side lady: I have to develop my toes.
–Columbus & 69th St
African American man at the top of subway stairs: You sound African. There must be something wrong with my Bluetooth.
–Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall
Five-year-old boy: Put the phone down, mom. Now.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: You go kid
Guy on cell: I woke up with all these guys’ numbers in my phone. (pause) No, I have no idea what happened.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Ladle
Lady: I called you to tell you to stop calling.
–Macy’s
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist