Archive for June, 2012

100% Pure, Uncut Colombian Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: Yeah, well, her sister is like the prettier version of her in that ‘not having to try as hard, wear as much makeup, and do as much coke’ kind of way.

–Bowery Street

NYU premed student: I live off of jelly beans and Doctor Pepper. (whispers) and cocaine.

–NYU Student Center

Overheard by: Steve

Nerdy-looking guy: The cocaine I just bought is fair trade.

–Brazen Head, Brooklyn

Guy to friends: I don’t even take Nyquil and you think I do cocaine?

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Samantha

Crazy-looking blonde girl to boyfriend: I tried to throw it up, then realized I’d rather just do blow.

–Greenpoint.


Wednesday One-Liners Flip the Big Switch in Al Gore’s House

Older man on phone: No, seriously, do you have your tubes tied? I mean, I know I have grandchildren, but my oldest daughter is only 24 and I still want a boy. (pause) Don’t lie to me! (pause) Just let me know on either my MySpace or Facebook.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Sophia

Suit: You know, it’s like an electronic way to send a piece of paper. (pause) Well, if you have any more questions about this whole e‑mail thing, you just give me a call.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Boyda Johnstone

Mom on cell: I’m going to confiscate his computer and kick his ass!

–103rd & Broadway

Guy to date, about panama: Other than the internet, it’s the most racist place I’ve ever been to.

–Chavella’s, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli


Is the Expression “What a Gyp!” Offensive in This Context? Discuss.

Drunk girl, getting on cab to go home: How much to take me to East 31st?
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk Girl: What?
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: No!
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: You have go to be kidding me!
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: No! That is twice what it should be!
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: Why are you trying to take advantage of me? Why are you trying to do that?
Cabbie: (inaudible)
Drunk girl: No! No! No! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out of this cab, right now!

–Avenue of The Americas


Ignorance Of TV Law Is No Excuse

Girl #1, talking about old tv shows: Ohmigod, did you ever watch that show?
Girl #2: Umm… No.
Girl #1, enthusiastically: Me neither!

–Bard High School Early College, Queens


Or, If We’re Feeling Classier, Arby’s?

20-something brother: Well, I’m hungry too, we can just go to a pub or something.
20-something sister: A pub?! Ugh… Can’t we go to a real place, like IHOP?

–W 34th St

Overheard by: Phil


Wednesday One-Liners Look Nothing Like Demi Moore

NYU professor: I hate to break it to you, but there are ugly strippers. Go to Jersey City. There are ugly strippers.

–Waverly & Mercer

Guy to friend: I didn’t say I wanted white strippers, I said I wanted girls with big booties, big boobies and beautiful eyes…

–Q Train

Sorostitute at nearby table: I was like, ‘the strip-o-gram is a one time thing.’

–Junior’s, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Flaming teenage gay boy: So she calls me and says, “my stripper friend’s boyfriend is lost in Queens.” And I’m like, “What?! One, why are you hanging out with a 21-year-old stripper, and two, why was he in Queens?

–In Line for Something Corporate

Overheard by: Can you spot the pun here?


Wednesday One-Liners Look Nothing Like Demi Moore

NYU professor: I hate to break it to you, but there are ugly strippers. Go to Jersey City. There are ugly strippers.

–Waverly & Mercer

Guy to friend: I didn’t say I wanted white strippers, I said I wanted girls with big booties, big boobies and beautiful eyes…

–Q Train

Sorostitute at nearby table: I was like, ‘the strip-o-gram is a one time thing.’

–Junior’s, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Flaming teenage gay boy: So she calls me and says, “my stripper friend’s boyfriend is lost in Queens.” And I’m like, “What?! One, why are you hanging out with a 21-year-old stripper, and two, why was he in Queens?

–In Line for Something Corporate

Overheard by: Can you spot the pun here?


Mad Men’s Day One-Liners

Suit to buddies: So I have to do that every time I poop, or blood gets everywhere…

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: lezbotron

Young male suit: 34 years, 8 months, and 3 weeks until I retire. So I plan on marrying rich.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: Ferna

Suit on cell: Did you just say ‘bollocks’?

–13th & 1st

Suit: It’s legal S&M! That’s what I always say.

–A Train

Suit on cell: Okay, see you Sunday. (hangs up and says to himself) I’ve never seen you, I don’t want to see you, and I never will see you.

–King St