Archive for July, 2012

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Still Pret­ty Spry

Old la­dy to guy push­ing cart with large mu­si­cal in­stru­ment case on top: Hey! Do you have a dead body in there?

–8th & 6th Ave

Old man: Tighty-whiteys! Tighty-whiteys! Does any­one know where the tighty-whiteys are? (pause) If any­one sees any tighty-whiteys, let me know.

–Good­will, Chelsea

Strung-out old la­dy: Call me! I’m go­ing to church, I need to pray for all of us!

–Mon­tague St, Brook­lyn

Long-haired old guy rid­ing bike very slow­ly, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: I hate you.

–Thomp­kins Square Park

Over­heard by: Eli

It’s a Race to the Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Young white woman: And I have to say–she failed to mention–not that it mat­ters or any­thing… But he was… black!

–Clin­ton & At­tor­ney

Over­heard by: YouriPod­Head­phones­Dont­Mean­I­Cant­HearY­ou

Hobo with imag­i­nary Blue­tooth de­vice: I saw Bern­stein suckin’ that nig­ga off in the bath­room! I ain’t lyin’! (pause) I’d like to thank the blacks, the Irish and the His­pan­ics!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Gin­ger Lass

White gangs­ta-type guy to two black gangs­ta-type friends: That chi­nese girl ain’t givin’ you noth­ing! No msg, no *noth­in’*!

–Up­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Black teen to an­oth­er: Lis­ten up: On Mar­tin Luther King Day, all white folks must walk down 7th Av­enue… or else!

–Lenox Av­enue & 125th St

Over­heard by: Man­hat­tan­Macken­zie

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Feel Pret­ty

My dad: Pa­pa John’s had some work done.

–78th & Park Ave

Friend to an­oth­er, dis­cussing prop­er eti­quette at fu­ner­al: Of course I checked Face­book! I need­ed to keep my mind off of things, plus I looked good that day… I had to post pics!

–Den­tist Of­fice

Tourists be­hind me: Her tat­toos look stun­ning now, but when she’s mid­dle aged they won’t look good.

–12th St, Ale­house

Over­heard by: I’m 41

Guy to girl: The scarf is do­ing most of the heavy lift­ing, but you look re­al­ly good.

–Ford­ham Law

Over­heard by: brook­lyn­lert

Guy to up­set girl: I was­n’t say­ing it to be mean, ok? But it’s true: You re­al­ly *do* look kind of like Bob Dy­lan.

–Out­side New York Pub­lic Li­brary

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Stroke It to the Food Net­work

Loud Puer­to Ri­can woman: You know what made me break out in hives?! All these nuts I ate the past few days! (awk­ward si­lence) I’m al­ler­gic to peanuts , y’­know!

–Hins­dale, Brook­lyn

Guy to fe­male friend: You know, if you lick the walls, they taste like snozber­ries…

–Dy­lan’s Can­dy bar

Guy, look­ing at menu, then to girl with him: Philly tubesteak? You’re hav­ing one of those tonight any­way. (pause) Cause I’m from Philly!

–Crif Dogs

Over­heard by: Ricky

Sob­bing sev­en-year-old: I just want… a nap… and a pep­per­oni piz­za­aaa!

–M86 Bus

Over­heard by: Liz

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Stroke It to the Food Net­work

Loud Puer­to Ri­can woman: You know what made me break out in hives?! All these nuts I ate the past few days! (awk­ward si­lence) I’m al­ler­gic to peanuts , y’­know!

–Hins­dale, Brook­lyn

Guy to fe­male friend: You know, if you lick the walls, they taste like snozber­ries…

–Dy­lan’s Can­dy bar

Guy, look­ing at menu, then to girl with him: Philly tubesteak? You’re hav­ing one of those tonight any­way. (pause) Cause I’m from Philly!

–Crif Dogs

Over­heard by: Ricky

Sob­bing sev­en-year-old: I just want… a nap… and a pep­per­oni piz­za­aaa!

–M86 Bus

Over­heard by: Liz