Archive for July, 2012

Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Pretty Spry

Old lady to guy pushing cart with large musical instrument case on top: Hey! Do you have a dead body in there?

–8th & 6th Ave

Old man: Tighty-whiteys! Tighty-whiteys! Does anyone know where the tighty-whiteys are? (pause) If anyone sees any tighty-whiteys, let me know.

–Goodwill, Chelsea

Strung-out old lady: Call me! I'm going to church, I need to pray for all of us!

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Long-haired old guy riding bike very slowly, to no one in particular: I hate you.

–Thompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Eli

It's a Race to the Wednesday One-Liner

Young white woman: And I have to say–she failed to mention–not that it matters or anything… But he was… black!

–Clinton & Attorney

Overheard by: YouriPodHeadphonesDontMeanICantHearYou

Hobo with imaginary Bluetooth device: I saw Bernstein suckin' that nigga off in the bathroom! I ain't lyin'! (pause) I'd like to thank the blacks, the Irish and the Hispanics!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ginger Lass

White gangsta-type guy to two black gangsta-type friends: That chinese girl ain't givin' you nothing! No msg, no *nothin'*!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Black teen to another: Listen up: On Martin Luther King Day, all white folks must walk down 7th Avenue… or else!

–Lenox Avenue & 125th St

Overheard by: ManhattanMackenzie

Wednesday One-Liners Feel Pretty

My dad: Papa John's had some work done.

–78th & Park Ave

Friend to another, discussing proper etiquette at funeral: Of course I checked Facebook! I needed to keep my mind off of things, plus I looked good that day… I had to post pics!

–Dentist Office

Tourists behind me: Her tattoos look stunning now, but when she's middle aged they won't look good.

–12th St, Alehouse

Overheard by: I'm 41

Guy to girl: The scarf is doing most of the heavy lifting, but you look really good.

–Fordham Law

Overheard by: brooklynlert

Guy to upset girl: I wasn't saying it to be mean, ok? But it's true: You really *do* look kind of like Bob Dylan.

–Outside New York Public Library

Wednesday One-Liners Stroke It to the Food Network

Loud Puerto Rican woman: You know what made me break out in hives?! All these nuts I ate the past few days! (awkward silence) I'm allergic to peanuts , y'know!

–Hinsdale, Brooklyn

Guy to female friend: You know, if you lick the walls, they taste like snozberries…

–Dylan's Candy bar

Guy, looking at menu, then to girl with him: Philly tubesteak? You're having one of those tonight anyway. (pause) Cause I'm from Philly!

–Crif Dogs

Overheard by: Ricky

Sobbing seven-year-old: I just want… a nap… and a pepperoni pizzaaaa!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Liz

Wednesday One-Liners Stroke It to the Food Network

Loud Puerto Rican woman: You know what made me break out in hives?! All these nuts I ate the past few days! (awkward silence) I'm allergic to peanuts , y'know!

–Hinsdale, Brooklyn

Guy to female friend: You know, if you lick the walls, they taste like snozberries…

–Dylan's Candy bar

Guy, looking at menu, then to girl with him: Philly tubesteak? You're having one of those tonight anyway. (pause) Cause I'm from Philly!

–Crif Dogs

Overheard by: Ricky

Sobbing seven-year-old: I just want… a nap… and a pepperoni pizzaaaa!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Liz