Archive for September, 2012

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick: I have money on me, but I’m not gonna spend it on fucking food!

–E 10th St

Overheard by: j

Guy on cell, in line for New York to Boston Fung Wah bus: I gotta go the the bean.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Rebecca

Hobo, screaming out loud: Turkey does not cure cripple!

–Lincoln Square

Overheard by: M

Overly excited 20-something: I have an egg timer, have you ever seen an egg timer?

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: wish I had one

Don’t Get All Broken Up Over These Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell phone: When we break up, what’s he gonna do, take the fuckin’ lawn, too?

–Merrick Blvd

Overheard by: Luki

Guy on steps to other: If you want a divorce, bitch, you gotta die! (pause) Til death do us part!

–9th St & Ave A

Fat lesbian to another: If I break up with her, she is going to sodomize me with a fork.

–Mullane’s Bar and Grill, Brooklyn

Woman to man: I mean, when women are dumped they die immediately. Scream, cry, throw things, eat. Then rise again like the phoenix… only slightly fatter, and move on.

–Olympic Flame Diner

Overheard by: Liz Reddick

Rage Against the Wednesday One-Liner

Teen: I’m only considerate of people so I can be mad at them if they’re inconsiderate of me.

–Greenwich Village

Drunk ghetto girl: She’s just mad because she eats pussy!

–Classon St

Overheard by: kelly

College girl on cell: I’d shove a rusty wire hanger up her vag just to get my anger out.

–Union Square

Boy: If I found out Angelina Jolie was living under my bed, I would be mad at her.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners Are Much Ado About Nuttin’

High school kid: So wait, his balls had asthma?

–Downtown B Train

Man on cell: I know what your life’s like now. Out in the world. On tour. You got life by the balls.

–Pommes Frites

Guy in front of bar: I taped this joint to my balls; who wants a toke?

–MacDougal & 8th

20-something classy girl to friend: Well, he was leaning over me, teasing me with his balls… So… I just flicked them! He got so mad!

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Tall Mocha Frap

I Assumed It Was Just a Pet Name for His Penis?

Girl to boyfriend, both watching laptop: Why did he call himself Heisenberg again?
Boyfriend: The uncertainty principle?
Girlfriend, hesitant: Oh. Wait… what?
Boyfriend: (silence)

–JFK Terminal

Overheard by: rick

Hey, She Loved That Stupid Movie

Teen Girl #1: I just hate how this book is so cliche.
Teen Girl #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Teen Girl #1: Hey, Chloe might like this. Do you think she’d read it?

–Battery Park City

Overheard by: Lala

…I’m Not Homeless!

Drunk, upset girl to ambulance crew: A homeless man bit me.
Drunk boy passing by: What the fuck?

–113th & Broadway

Bob Majored in Two-Beer-Queer Studies

20-something guy leaving office building to two others: Now we’re only going to have two beers, right? Just a couple, okay?

–41st St & Madison Ave