Guy to friend: So how was that date you went on last night?
Friend: That guy was so boring. I blew my load on his back and left.
–23rd & 10th
Archive for October, 2012
Chelsea Has Homosexuals?
Tourist to another: They didn't say the tour guide would be a homosexual.
Tour guide: Stealth bombs of fabulous, we specialize in them!
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Trish
Again With the Peanuts?
Old man: He used to be Charlie Brown. Oh! Now he's Lucy.
Old lady: When he was really little, he was Linus.
–116th & Morningside Dr
Do You Get the Periods?
Wife: I'm cold. Are you cold?
Husband: Not really.
Wife: How come men never complain about being cold?
Husband: We have good thermostats, you have multiple orgasms. Wanna trade?
–MoMA
Otherwise You Might Suddenly Start Sucking Dicks
Tyler Durden-quoting thug: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.
Reference-missing thug: Nah, man, that's fucking gay. There's always other bitches around.
–30th Ave, Astoria
If New Yorkers Had Any Shame, Trains Wouldn't Need Conductors
Conductor: I swear, when people get on the subway system, their iq drops. (two stops later) I saw you put your foot in the door, lady, and you had your child with you! Just remember, he sees everything you do. (next stop, as passenger sticks foot in door to get on train) How long you gonna stand there with your foot in the door?
–1 Train
Busted.
Hobo: Hey, baby girl!
Black girl, freaked out: Hey…
Hobo: You got a boyfriend?
Random black girl: Yeah…
Hobo: He one of dem light skin niggas, ain't he?
(black girl laughs as she runs away)
–N Train
Is This a Stupid Question? Discuss.
Girl #1: So we're going to visit your brother?
Girl #2: Yeah, he's working tonight.
Girl #1: What's his last name?
–Grand Central Terminal
Girls Think About Boys; Boys Think About Vagina
Teen chick #1: I just can't tell how he really feels about me…
Teen chick #2: He likes you! He chose you! It's like Pokemon! He took his pokeball and said, “Nicole, I choose you”!
Teen chick #1: But, did he choose me? I think I chose him.
Teen chick #2: I don't know. Which one of you fits into a pokeball better?
–67th & Broadway
Overheard by: Minnie Amelia Rosario
Only You Understand Me, Roberto
Dumb girl: Do you think if I learned Italian I would get an accent?
Dumb boyfriend: You know Spanish and don't have one.
–Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: j. hood