Guy to friend: So how was that date you went on last night?
Friend: That guy was so bor­ing. I blew my load on his back and left.

–23rd & 10th

Tourist to an­oth­er: They did­n’t say the tour guide would be a ho­mo­sex­u­al.
Tour guide: Stealth bombs of fab­u­lous, we spe­cial­ize in them!

–Chelsea Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Tr­ish

Old man: He used to be Char­lie Brown. Oh! Now he’s Lucy.
Old la­dy: When he was re­al­ly lit­tle, he was Li­nus.

–116th & Morn­ing­side Dr

Wife: I’m cold. Are you cold?
Hus­band: Not re­al­ly.
Wife: How come men nev­er com­plain about be­ing cold?
Hus­band: We have good ther­mostats, you have mul­ti­ple or­gasms. Wan­na trade?

–Mo­MA

Tyler Dur­den-quot­ing thug: We’re a gen­er­a­tion of men raised by women. I’m won­der­ing if an­oth­er woman is re­al­ly the an­swer we need.
Ref­er­ence-miss­ing thug: Nah, man, that’s fuck­ing gay. There’s al­ways oth­er bitch­es around.

–30th Ave, As­to­ria

Con­duc­tor: I swear, when peo­ple get on the sub­way sys­tem, their iq drops. (two stops lat­er) I saw you put your foot in the door, la­dy, and you had your child with you! Just re­mem­ber, he sees every­thing you do. (next stop, as pas­sen­ger sticks foot in door to get on train) How long you gonna stand there with your foot in the door?

–1 Train

Hobo: Hey, ba­by girl!
Black girl, freaked out: Hey…
Hobo: You got a boyfriend?
Ran­dom black girl: Yeah…
Hobo: He one of dem light skin nig­gas, ain’t he?
(black girl laughs as she runs away)

–N Train

Girl #1: So we’re go­ing to vis­it your broth­er?
Girl #2: Yeah, he’s work­ing tonight.
Girl #1: What’s his last name?

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Teen chick #1: I just can’t tell how he re­al­ly feels about me…
Teen chick #2: He likes you! He chose you! It’s like Poke­mon! He took his poke­ball and said, “Nicole, I choose you”!
Teen chick #1: But, did he choose me? I think I chose him.
Teen chick #2: I don’t know. Which one of you fits in­to a poke­ball bet­ter?

–67th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Min­nie Amelia Rosario

Dumb girl: Do you think if I learned Ital­ian I would get an ac­cent?
Dumb boyfriend: You know Span­ish and don’t have one.

–Strand Book­store

Over­heard by: j. hood