Archive for November, 2012

Bitches Got Issues

Woman with puppy to guys on stoop: Next month we’re putting her in the dog therapy program at jacobi hospital.
Guy: (taps his head) to make sure she’s okay?

–Wilkinson Ave

Overheard by: francyne

It Was Beyond the Pale

Lady #1: Whatchoo doin this weekend.
Lady #2: Omg we’re goin to hunkamania for my girlfriend’s bachelorette.
Lady #1: Omg we went a month ago and I gotta tell you stories. I ate, like a 5 course meal off this hunk’s tan ass.

–Broadway and Wall

On a Moving Train. During Rush Hour.

Girl to another girl: “and that’s when you farted really bad. I mean, it was noxious.“
Fart girl: “but I fart all the time“
Original girl: “this one had people, like, running for cover. ”

–Hotel Metro

Overheard by: CM

Haha, Kidney Failure!

Girl #1, standing in line for food at #8pm: “oh my god, you look so skinny!“
Girl #2: “that’s because I literally haven’t eaten in a week. I never understood before the idea of not having time to eat! I haven’t used the bathroom since 6pm!”

–Xi’An Famous Foods

So Mexico + New Jersey = New Mexico?

Woman: Where is the couple from?
Man: She is from mexico and he is from new jersey.
Woman: Same thing. New jersey is like our mexico. Toxic waste dump.

–90th and 2nd Avenue

Tonight’s Movie: The Gods Must Be Diabetic

two guys are drinking arizona ice teas in an elevator.
Brit: This stuff is the juice of the gods.
American: It is.
Brit: I wonder how much sugar it has it… Oh my god!!! 24 grams of sugar!!!??
American: Hey, it never said it was good for you.
Brit: And that’s per a serving! There’s 2.5 servings in this bottle! What am I going to do?
American: Get fat like the rest of us?

–27th st. and Broadway, elevator

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Brooklyn Is Too Big to Fail, Dear Reader

Clearly lost tourist: Is this wall street?
Tourist’s friend: …no. Why the fuck would you think that?!? We’re in fucking brooklyn!
Tourist: Because… look at all the banks!

–Court St & Atlantic Ave., Brooklyn

Another Born Social Climber

dad has young son on shoulders, mother is walking with them.
Dad to young son: Hey! What are you doing? You’re doing it again!
Mother: What? What is he doing?
Dad: He keeps trying to climb up my head!
Dad to son: There’s no more neck for you to climb kid! Don’t you get it?

–115th St. and 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Hell Is Other Countries

Girl with indiana h. S. Hoodie: So once we saw the brazilian soccer team in the airport and I asked my friend if brazil was in africa.
Boy she’s trying to impress: {looks on stunned}.
Girl: I mean, they look the same! ::: Giggles:::
Boy: What the hell?
Girl: I mean, I did bad in geography because mr. Hughes hated me.
Boy: {mumbles something inaudible}.
Girl: Well I mean, I got all a’s.

–JFK airport headed to Europe… or Africa?

Overheard by: A Galas