Archive for November, 2012

Bitch­es Got Is­sues

Woman with pup­py to guys on stoop: Next month we’re putting her in the dog ther­a­py pro­gram at ja­co­bi hos­pi­tal.
Guy: (taps his head) to make sure she’s okay?

–Wilkin­son Ave

Over­heard by: fran­cyne

It Was Be­yond the Pale

La­dy #1: Whatch­oo doin this week­end.
La­dy #2: Omg we’re goin to hunka­ma­nia for my girlfriend’s bach­e­lorette.
La­dy #1: Omg we went a month ago and I got­ta tell you sto­ries. I ate, like a 5 course meal off this hunk’s tan ass.

–Broad­way and Wall

On a Mov­ing Train. Dur­ing Rush Hour.

Girl to an­oth­er girl: “and that’s when you fart­ed re­al­ly bad. I mean, it was nox­ious.“
Fart girl: “but I fart all the time“
Orig­i­nal girl: “this one had peo­ple, like, run­ning for cov­er. ”

–Ho­tel Metro

Over­heard by: CM

Ha­ha, Kid­ney Fail­ure!

Girl #1, stand­ing in line for food at #8pm: “oh my god, you look so skin­ny!“
Girl #2: “that’s be­cause I lit­er­al­ly haven’t eat­en in a week. I nev­er un­der­stood be­fore the idea of not hav­ing time to eat! I haven’t used the bath­room since 6pm!”

–Xi’An Fa­mous Foods

So Mex­i­co + New Jer­sey = New Mex­i­co?

Woman: Where is the cou­ple from?
Man: She is from mex­i­co and he is from new jer­sey.
Woman: Same thing. New jer­sey is like our mex­i­co. Tox­ic waste dump.

–90th and 2nd Av­enue

Tonight’s Movie: The Gods Must Be Di­a­bet­ic

two guys are drink­ing ari­zona ice teas in an el­e­va­tor.
Brit: This stuff is the juice of the gods.
Amer­i­can: It is.
Brit: I won­der how much sug­ar it has it… Oh my god!!! 24 grams of sug­ar!!!??
Amer­i­can: Hey, it nev­er said it was good for you.
Brit: And that’s per a serv­ing! There’s 2.5 serv­ings in this bot­tle! What am I go­ing to do?
Amer­i­can: Get fat like the rest of us?

–27th st. and Broad­way, el­e­va­tor

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Brook­lyn Is Too Big to Fail, Dear Read­er

Clear­ly lost tourist: Is this wall street?
Tourist’s friend: …no. Why the fuck would you think that?!? We’re in fuck­ing brook­lyn!
Tourist: Be­cause… look at all the banks!

–Court St & At­lantic Ave., Brook­lyn

An­oth­er Born So­cial Climber

dad has young son on shoul­ders, moth­er is walk­ing with them.
Dad to young son: Hey! What are you do­ing? You’re do­ing it again!
Moth­er: What? What is he do­ing?
Dad: He keeps try­ing to climb up my head!
Dad to son: There’s no more neck for you to climb kid! Don’t you get it?

–115th St. and 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Hell Is Oth­er Coun­tries

Girl with in­di­ana h. S. Hood­ie: So once we saw the brazil­ian soc­cer team in the air­port and I asked my friend if brazil was in africa.
Boy she’s try­ing to im­press: {looks on stunned}.
Girl: I mean, they look the same! ::: Gig­gles:::
Boy: What the hell?
Girl: I mean, I did bad in ge­og­ra­phy be­cause mr. Hugh­es hat­ed me.
Boy: {mum­bles some­thing in­audi­ble}.
Girl: Well I mean, I got all a’s.

–JFK air­port head­ed to Eu­rope… or Africa?

Over­heard by: A Galas