Archive for November, 2012

Wednes­day Shoplifters

Hip­ster to friend: I’m sor­ry hon, we can’t lift at Shoprite tonight. I just heard that Rob­bie got caught steal­ing can­dles at a crack­er bar­rel.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Yelling hobo, to no­body in par­tic­u­lar: If you want to get robbed, go to Ma­cy’s. Have your cred­it cards ready, they’ll swipe you!

–F Train

Over­heard by: Ken

An­gry gap-toothed man wait­ing for light to change, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: Maybe you moth­er­fuck­ers will learn when we start rob­bing you!

–8th Ave & 26th St

Over­heard by: Grace­ful Space

20-some­thing woman on phone: What! They stole your vi­bra­tor. What the fuck are they go­ing to do with that?

–Q Train

Over­heard by: Hal

Wednes­days Take the Es­ca­la­tor to the One-Lin­er De­part­ment

Pan­ick­ing tourist: Where are the stores?

–8th Ave & 34th St

An­gry black woman on cell out­side bode­ga: I’m­ma ’bout to get all ug­ly up in this fuckin’ store.

–St. Nicholas Ave, Harlem

Over­heard by: Joe

Guy ar­gu­ing with girl­friend: I’m telling you, there’s on­ly one rea­son peo­ple go to pet stores!

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

Tiny old white la­dy dressed in full-on wool stock­ings, long knit skirt, long sleeved but­ton down shirt, and sweater in 90 de­grees weath­er, look­ing at two young black girls next to her wear­ing su­per tight tube tops and hoochie shorts: Oh I see we shop at the same store.

–Broad­way & 12th St

Over­heard by: cate

It’s Like Puer­to Ri­co All Up in Here!

Con­ver­sa­tion in span­ish:
Mex­i­can #1: I have been work­ing so hard.
Mex­i­can #2: Yes me too, I’m so tired.
Mex­i­can #1: I think I’m mov­ing back home, this city is full of weirdos and it sucks!
Mex­i­can #2: Re­al­ly? Wow I think me too.
I’m mex­i­can and this re­al­ly made me laugh : P the ex­o­dus back home is start­ing soon just like that movie “a day with­out a mex­i­can”

–at the 2 train go­ing up­town from the Ful­ton st sta­tion

Over­heard by: Jen­ny Arredon­do

Prob­a­bly Should­n’t Send Her Pic­tures Of My Girl­friend

per­son 1 “I don’t let any­body bring down my day.“
per­son 2. “u crazy. Yeah man. I see all these women walk­ing around with sad faces. Hope their men are treat­ing them right. But then again, it could be their kids dri­ving them crazy. U treat your woman right? I hope u do. But your di­vorced, so I don’t know.”

–140th St & Willis Ave

Over­heard by: Dan­ny

…Did You See Her Shoes?!

sat next to a ta­ble where there is a hus­band and wife hav­ing drinks and a very beau­ti­ful woman walks by.
Hus­band said: “holy crap hon­ey, I am go­ing to look at this woman… She looks like a mod­el, please don’t be mad!“
Wife said: “don’t wor­ry … I am look­ing too!”

–Lo­cal Bar ‑11 E. 36th St

“Set­tling:” De­fined

Man: Look hon­ey, our first date! *points to chi­na chalet*.
Woman: Ugh, should’ve been the last.

–Broad­way and Mor­ris St.

Over­heard by: Stephanie

Talk About Slip­pery Slope Ar­gu­ments

spo­ken as man is do­ing up his pants in the mid­dle of the street. “yeah I ate her pussy while she was on her pe­ri­od, but it was the last day.”
“dude, she’s your sec­ond cousin.”
“yeah but she’s hot. You’d fuck your first cousin if she was hot, but your cousin is­n’t hot.”

–Bleeck­er Street & Thomp­son Street

Over­heard by: Tama­ra

Oh, Leave Jeff Gold­blum Alone.

two twen­ty­ish girls walk­ing and talk­ing.
Girl #1: Would I be afraid to meet him in a dark al­ley? (pause) no.
Girl #2: I would.

–20th be­tween Park & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Far­ley

Pet­ti­ness and Back­bit­ing, for Ex­am­ple

Cop #1: So she took her break around noon and I did­n’t see her back out here again ’til #2: 15.
Cop #2: That’s some shit, spe­cial­ly on a day this crazy.
Cop #1: I can’t be­lieve that bitch is go­ing to clock some over­time for to­day!
Cop #2: So messed up, some things nev­er change.

–Fo­ley Square (9/17/12 about 8pm)

Over­heard by: Nate

Yeah, Your Zip­per’s Open

Girl: Thank you cap­tain ob­vi­ous.
Guy: I love cap­tain ob­vi­ous. He’s my fa­vorite su­per­hero. I’m ac­tu­al­ly wear­ing cap­tain ob­vi­ous box­ers.

–1st bet 85th and 86th

Over­heard by: Bun­ni