Archive for December, 2012

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have at Least One Mar­ketable Skill

Prag­ma­tist: I fig­ure if I don’t get a job in pub­lish­ing, I’ll be­come a video vix­en.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Dit­mars Blvd, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Chris­tine

Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer!

–34th & 8th

Over­heard by: Skye

Ditz: Sup­pos­ably [sic], she’s go­ing to be danc­ing in some Be­y­once video. She’s so stu­pid.

–54th St be­tween 9th & 10th

Me­dia schol­ar: Well it’s dif­fer­ent when the girl get­ting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15.

–20th & 8th

I’ll Wait and Give It to the Kid

La­dy hobo: Hey, y’all, I’m home­less and I’m three months preg­nant, and I’m look­ing for some help from the peo­ple of this train, so if any­body got some mon­ey they want to give, please help me take care of my ba­by.
Col­lege girl with change: I’ll give you this mon­ey if you’re sav­ing up for an abor­tion.
La­dy hobo: What? Nooo, I’m keeepin’ my ba­by.
Col­lege girl, putting change away: Okay, then.
La­dy hobo: Wait, what?

–F train

In Per­son, Mi­ley and Bil­ly Ray Are Pret­ty Much What You’d Ex­pect.

Guy, on Nex­tel: Hey, hon­ey.
Girl, on oth­er end of Nex­tel: Dad, I’m pissed! I think he’s cheat­ing on me.
Guy: Why do you say that?
Girl: Cause my vagi­na is itchy and red.
Guy: Well, maybe you should go get checked.
Girl: But dad, what should I do?
Guy: Hon­ey, let me call you back, I’m about to pay the cashier… call you in a lit­tle.

–33rd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: OZoNE

Would You Pre­fer “Dis­mount­ing”?

Bus dri­ver: (to pas­sen­ger stand­ing near door) are you get­ting off?
Ran­dom old man: (mut­ters) I don’t like those two words, “get­ting off.”

–Q33 bus

Not Ex­act­ly Amer­i­can Girl, Hon­ey

El­e­men­tary-aged girl to her moth­er, up­on see­ing an ad atop a pass­ing cab: “wow, mom, new york dolls! Can we go?“
Mom: “uh… No.”

–Du­ane St. and Hud­son St.

Cul­tur­al Im­pe­ri­al­ism? Dis­cuss.

Old­er la­dy #1: Now who builds an art gallery in the mid­dle of the ghet­to??
Old­er la­dy #2: White peo­ple.

–Myr­tle and Tomp­kins Ave. in Bed­stuy

Over­heard by: Matt Dal­low

Um, That Was a Bill­board.

lost yup­pies (and you think hip­sters are bad).
Yup­pie guy #1: I think we have to go over the bridge be­fore we can get off.
Yup­pie girl: I nev­er go to brook­lyn, I pre­fer to stay in chelsea or the west vil­lage. I dont even like to go to les. Too di­vey.
Yup­pie guy #2: You dont like to slum it?
Girl: No im not in­to slum­ming it in the les.
:: they all laugh::
Yup­pie guy #1: (whis­per­ing) I hear where we are go­ing is near the mar­cy projects.
Yup­pie guy #2: (as the train starts to go over the bridge) yeah, I heard that too. There are just too many graf­fi­tied walls around here for my com­fort.

–Brook­lyn bound J train

“Blan­ket State­ment:” De­fined

heard a loud noise from a moth­er ask­ing her room from out­side.
“what was that, justin??”
“the blan­kets fell off the bed, mom!”
“how come his voice so loud?”
“in my blan­ket no, ma’am!”

–East 6th & 3rd Ave

Bob Thought He Was Drink­ing at the Li­brary

Girl, hit­ting on guy with book: “oh, you like to read? What’s your name?“
Guy: (mut­ters in­audi­bly).
Girl: “is that how you talk to a girl at a bar?”

–Sycamore, Brook­lyn