Tourist father talking to his #6 year old smart son: Well, here we are, welcome to the center of the universe!
Tourist son: Oh please, its not even the center of the united states…

–Times Square

Overheard by: lady_liberty

still drunk on the way to work.
Dude #1: I am so hungover right now.
Dude #2: Me too dude.
Dude #1: Come to think of it, I think I am still drunk.
Dude #2: Me too, this is going to suck.
Dude #1: Know what? Im ready for this shit. I mean im drunk but I feel totally ready for work. I mean, I could do math right now. Give me any math problem and ill do it. Algebra, geometry, doesn’t matter. I might be drunk, but I can definitely do math.
Dude #2: I just got the most amazing book ever.
Dude #1: Yeah? What is it?
Dude #2: Its called the truth about chuck norris and its just allll chuck norris jokes.

–Manhattan Bound J train, 7:30am

Dad: “kermit frogs? You mean kermit the frog?“
Little girl: “no…(pause)… Hermit frogs.“
Dad: “hermit frogs? I’ve never heard of them.“
Little girl: “yeah! They’re both a boy and a girl at the same time!”

–LaGuardia International Airport

Crackhead boyfriend on subway, talking to random baby: Baby, how you doin’ today? You like bein’ a baby? I got a baby right there.
Crackhead girlfriend, completing crossword puzzle: Whas fo’ lettas and is the middle of a egg? It can’t be “yolk” cuz then it don’t work with “wisdom” cause “yolk” don’t have a “e” in it.
Crackhead boyfriend, to baby: Baby, she crazy. Crack! It’s a beautiful day.

–5 train in the Bronx

Overheard by: what in the hell just happened?

1 coworker behind a partition: I like your new beard.
2^nd coworker behind partition: Thanks, I look like a magician who rapes, I’m a rapey magician.
1 coworker: I haven’t seen you in a while.

–the office building, 50^th and 6^th

Overheard by: pantsy

Little boy #1: Can I get a what what!?
Little boy #2: What?

–116^th and Lexington Ave, laundromat

“rachel, what are these called?”
“bagels.”
“oh. I thought you said beggles.”

–At the office, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Kat

Girl: I need a little more glee and a little less sons of anarchy in my life.
Guy: When you say “glee” do you mean, like, joy? Or the hit television series on fox?
Girl: Both.
Guy: [sigh].

–Park St., Bushwick

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Woman with puppy to guys on stoop: Next month we’re putting her in the dog therapy program at jacobi hospital.
Guy: (taps his head) to make sure she’s okay?

–Wilkinson Ave

Overheard by: francyne

Guy: What’s the difference between an r&b voice and a gospel voice?
Girl: Nothing. One just has a little sprinkle of jesus.

–1 Train