Archive for 2012

We’ve Never Felt So Safe

Guy pushing handcart of fire extinguishers, after one falls and explodes: It’s just like baby powder! 

–43rd & 6th

How Do You Mean That, Kyle?

Drunk bro #1: Where the hell are you even from?
Drunk bro #2: Tarrytown, bro!
Drunk bro #1: Tarrytown fuckin’ sucks. Ossining, baby!
Drunk bro #2: Anyone from Ossining is a homo.
Drunk bro #1: Da fuck you say?! I’m gunna kick your ass. (turns to friend behind him) Hold my sandwich, bro!

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: I hate this train

Everybody’s Racist, but White People Do More Damage With It

Black girl #1: Yo, so I’m liking Joe*, but I don’t even know what to do with him.
Black girl #2: You said he’s all cute ‘n shit, so what’s up? Did he stop by your place?
Black girl #1: Naw, see that’s the problem. He’s a white dude and my mom would shit.
Black girl #2: For real?
Black girl #1: Yo, I’ll go out with him and suck his dick and all that, but when it comes to my mom…
Black girl #2: Seriously. You gotta be careful.
Black girl #1: Yeah…
Black girl #2: You start hanging out with white people too much and you start gettin’ weird.
Black girl #1: Yeah…
Black girl #2: Like Michael Jackson and shit.
Black girl #1: Yeah…

–Bedford & Carol

Overheard by: tchassis

And Would You Bring a Hot Friend?

Girl #1: Hey babe, do you wanna meet up tonight?
Guy #1: Nah, I’m busy. (walks off).
Guy #1 to girl 2: Hey, do you wanna meet up tonight?
Girl #2: Yeah, that’ll be great!

–Central Park

…Everyone Knows That’s My Song.

Guy walking past, singing in an operatic voice: And I am singing my song!
Street vendor nearby: Shawn, come the fuck on.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Just When You Think the Bar Can’t Get Any Lower

Guy: Hey, I think I just saw Snooki!
Girl: You know she was just arrested, right?
Guy: Yeah, I heard. She got arrested at the beach. Do you know how drunk you have to be to get arrested at the beach? I mean, it’s seaside. Come on!

–Metro-North Rail