Archive for 2012

Umm, This Is Metro NY.

Black guy #1: Hey, come get your newspapers here!
Black guy #2: Hey man, is they free?
Black guy #1: Ohmigod. That’s the problem you with you black people! Damn, ya always want free shit! No, nigga, it ain’t free!

–2 Train

So Anyways, We’re Dating Now

17-year-old girl smoking on her stoop, on phone: We had this party at school and I was tardy, and my English professor told me don’t mark late, mark tardy, and I said but they said if I erased anything I’d be in trouble, he said, tell them they are stupid, tell them they are ignorant. So then I’m in English class, and my teacher and me are the only girls and one of the guys says I’m never getting married because all girls are birds, and I say, what is a bird? And he says a bird is a girl who gives it up on the first date, a bird is a girl who stays out til midnite on a school nite, a bird is a girl who takes your number at a party, a bird is girl who goes to clubs.

–Park Slope

You Know It’s Impossible to Get Her to Talk Dirty to You, Right?

Snobbish girl: My sister has no friends.
Disinterested guy: Hmmm.
Snobbish girl: She is lonely.
Disinterested guy: Hmmm.
Snobbish girl: I have been telling her to buy the new iPhone with Siri. She will at least have someone to talk to.
Disinterested guy: I wish I had that phone too.


Female Solidarity Is Alcohol-Soluble

Drunk girl #1: I don’t care if Tim’s going have a baby with her. I’m still gonna fuck him.
Drunk girl #2: Good for you!

–St. Mark’s

I’m Guessing It Has Something to Do with Shakira’s Hair.

Guy #1: Yeah, my parents are diehard Republicans and I just don’t get it… They love George Bush… My Puerto Rican mom is a Republican!
Guy #2: Yeah, I don’t know what the infatuation is with Spanish people and Bush.

–49th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Vin

Just Go with the Flow, Kid.

Squeaky little kid: I have to pee…I can’t open my snap… It’s coming!
Mom: Tell your pee to wait until I open this!
Squeaky little kid: Pee, wait!… My pee-maker doesn’t have a name. It doesn’t talk.

–Barnes & Noble Restroom

Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby’sNanny

God, I Miss Mom

20-something male #1: She was 6′2″ with fiery red hair… and no tits.
20-something male #2, incredulously: No. Way.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: catherine

Way to Rub Salt in My Wounds

(guy grabs salt shaker and starts sprinkling it into his macchiato instead of sugar)
Friend: Whoa! That’s the salt, not the sugar.
Guy: Oh, I just saw the shaker on the table and thought it was the sugar. (asks waitress if he can get a replacement)
Friend: The sugar’s in the little jar with the spoon.
Guy: Oh.
Friend: The salt’s the one that’s next to the pepper.
Guy: Asshole!

–La Lanterna, MacDougal St

Overheard by: Z