Archive for 2012

Your Editors Suddenly Feel Old

Teenaged boy #1: Man, remember the w train?
Teenaged boy #2: The w was the best!
Teenaged boy #1: We’re going to be able to tell our kids, we were born when the w train was still running. Going somewhere? Just hop on the w!

–N Train to Astoria

Overheard by: Kate

Kung Fu Groundhog Seems a Bit Uninspired

Large woman with chirpy voice: Who was it that got bitten by Staten Island Chuck…? Oh, yeah, it was mayor Bloomberg!
Tall black guy: Gosh, I mean, he should’ve realized they’re basically like giant rats, with large teeth and huge claws.
Large woman with chirpy voice: And he’s a fan of the Wu Tang! (giggles)
Tall black guy: Damn right! They should just call him “Shaolin Chuck”, but “ol’ dirty groundhog” would be even better! I mean, anything that lives in the ground is dirty by default…


That’s a Tic, Genius

Young woman, looking seductively at male companion: (winks)
Male companion: That’s the most lame ass wink I’ve ever seen! I mean, geesh! I’ve seen a better wink on Wink Martindale!

–West Village

You Fucking Heard It Here Fucking First

Guy #1: Who buys biscuits? When I open my restaurant, we’re making that shit in house.
Guy #2: For real!
Guy #1: It don’t take no fucking genius to make no fucking biscuits.

–F Train

Translation: Forget You and Your Drunk Ass

20-something girl: I had to ask the question, ‘could I be with someone who has two dirty martinis and three glasses of wine on a Tuesday evening?’ (long pause).
Friend: I think I need to go out with someone older.
20-something girl: Well, they’ve got to be out there… I wonder if they’re any books on this — I mean, you could go online…
Friend: I should put you in contact with my friend, he’s a sweetie. He’d be a great mentor… I mean, he cries a lot, but he’s a sweetie.

–Park Bench, W12th & 8th

Overheard by: Corey Birtles

Dog: Ask My Probation Officer, Here

Older vet in camo jacket, walking little white dog, to cop: Whad’ya doin, meditatin’ ?
Cop, leaning on wall, opening eyes: Oh, um I just got off‑a lunch. (pointing at dog) What’s your excuse?

–26th & 7th

Overheard by: rick

I Called His House and Woke Up His Wife

Girl #1: So what happened with him?
Girl #2: Girl, you can touch my hand, you can touch my face… But callin my house ?
Girl #1: That’s harassment.
Girl #2 : My house, girl! That’s stalking!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Steve

…Why, Wanna Give It a Whirl?

Buster Poindexter dude: I hate bad sex. There are all kinds of bad sex. Boring sex… and uncontrollable crying sex.
Girl on fourth date: You’ve had someone cry uncontrollably on you during sex?
Buster Poindexter dude: Oh, yeah! A ton of times.

–Brandy Library

Overheard by: Adrian