IT Geek #1, during lunch break: Oh, yo! I need to ask you something. What’s the most computers you ever moved in a day?
IT Geek #2: In a day? Oh, man…
(rest of IT geeks anxiously await answer)

–Fulton & Cliff

Overheard by: LiAps

Man #1: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Jesus?
Man #2: Yeah: right time, wrong century.

–14^th & Ave A

Guy #1, running from next subway car: Hold it, hold it! I wanna stop the train! Fuckin bitch, she’s looking for trouble.
Guy #2: If he stops this train he’s looking for trouble!

–6 Train

Overheard by: S. Donicce

Man: What kind of food is Asian fusion?
Girl: We serve Japanese and Malaysian cuisine.
Man: So, like Chinese food?
Girl: No, Japanese and Malaysian food.
Man: Is Malaysia in Japan?
Girl: No, they’re separate countries.
Man: What do they speak? Chinese?
Girl: No, they have their own languages.
Man: So what’s the food like?
Girl: Here’s the menu.
Man: What is this, sushi?
Girl: We have sushi and various cooked dishes, like curries.
Man: Do you have fried rice?
Girl: No.
Man: Oh. I want Chinese food. God bless! (leaves)

–Asian Fusion Restaurant, Bay Ridge

Camp counselor: So, Sarah, what are you doing tonight?
Five-year-old Sarah, who sounds like she has emphysema: My parents aren’t home tonight.
Camp counselor: Sounds like a party.
Five-year-old Sarah: Yeah, party with grandma.

–Central Park

Overheard by: LSB

Guy: So I was hanging out with my cousin and his friends and they’re, like, from Oklahoma and Canada, and we’re all hanging out. It’s around two am. One guy goes, “I think I’ll go take a walk” so I told him, “I don’t think you should.” It’s just not a good idea for someone to take a walk at two am their first time in the city, y’know?
Friend: Yeah… They could get lost.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Young preppy guy: I can’t wait to go to San Francisco and sit on the beach eating mushrooms all day.
Girlfriend: San Francisco doesn’t have any beaches…
Young preppy guy, yelling: I’m gonna drive north, suckaaaaa!

–N 7^th & Driggs, WIlliamsburg

Girl #1, looking at ad: I can’t believe there’s a new show called Jersey Couture.
Girl #2: Ew!
Girl #1: The biggest oxymoron I’ve ever heard.

–14^th St

Overheard by: anonymous

Well dressed young African American man: Which ones do you like?
Girlfriend: I don’t know man, I just want to stand out tonight.

–Topman, Soho

Bag lady asking for change to kind person who gave: Thank you! Can I ask – do these headphones make me look rich? Cause I need my music when I’m out here.

–23^rd St & 9^th Ave

Aggressive panhandler to passing bald guy: Hey, Kojak! Help me out here! Who loves ya, baby!

–5^th Ave & 12^th St

Overheard by: Richard Nixon

Drunk hobo arguing with another: I’m done talking to you. I can have a better conversation with the door. It just goes bing-bong.

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Amanda White

Hobo to suit: Look at you, playing with yourself! That is gross, you are disgusting… You can’t fight, you can’t dance, and you can’t fuck!

–7^th Ave

Overheard by: scotty 2

Hobo to college students entering college: Don’t go to class! Smoke crack, like me!

–Hunter College Lex Entrance