Girl to guy, in cu­ri­ous tone: Hey, is there any­thing we ex­port in the US?
Guy to girl, in se­ri­ous tone: Yeah… Jobs.

–Tribeca

Man try­ing to sell tick­ets to com­e­dy show: We’re giv­ing out dil­dos tonight, ladies.
Skin­ny black girl: No, thanks. I have a re­al one at home.
Man try­ing to sell tick­ets to com­e­dy show: Free weed if you go to the show.
Skin­ny black girl: Ooh! Ooh! Me!

–Broad­way

New York­er to tourist: Yeah, it’s kind of far over there… I did­n’t even know there *was* a 12th av­enue.

–18th & 5th

Good-na­tured thug #1: Yo, man, you speak Span­ish?
Good-na­tured thug #2: Naw, man, I speak the lan­guage of love.

–12th & 7th

Caribbean man #1: Dis is Amer­i­ca, yuh fight for ya own!
Caribbean man #2: La di da. That’s why the black na­tion still in bondage!

–Clark­son Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Just an Asian want­i­ng piz­za

Young fe­male clerk: Did you hear that the iPhone guy died?
Man stock­ing shelves: It’s sad.
Young fe­male clerk: That’s why they did­n’t come out with the iPhone 5. It’s the 4S.

–Hud­son Square Phar­ma­cy

Over­heard by: bill gates

Pro­fes­sor: Hey, you ever heard of a guy named Spike Jonze?
Stu­dent: Did­n’t he di­rect an Ikea com­mer­cial?

–Tisch School of the Arts

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Lit­tle kid, point­ing at rides out­side win­dow: I wan­na go on that one! And that one! And that one!
Dad: The on­ly ride you goin’ on is this train ride!

–Q Train

Suit: Are you guys from Oc­cu­py Wall Street?
Hip­ster in ap­par­ent squat­ters’ camp: No, we’re wait­ing for SNL tick­ets.

–49th & 6th

Con­fused five-year-old dur­ing San­ta Con: Mom? Where are the San­tas go­ing?
Mom: Shop­ping. They’re go­ing shop­ping.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: An­drea