Girl to guy, in curious tone: Hey, is there anything we export in the US?
Guy to girl, in serious tone: Yeah… Jobs.

–Tribeca

Man trying to sell tickets to comedy show: We’re giving out dildos tonight, ladies.
Skinny black girl: No, thanks. I have a real one at home.
Man trying to sell tickets to comedy show: Free weed if you go to the show.
Skinny black girl: Ooh! Ooh! Me!

–Broadway

New Yorker to tourist: Yeah, it’s kind of far over there… I didn’t even know there *was* a 12^th avenue.

–18^th & 5^th

Good-natured thug #1: Yo, man, you speak Spanish?
Good-natured thug #2: Naw, man, I speak the language of love.

–12^th & 7^th

Caribbean man #1: Dis is America, yuh fight for ya own!
Caribbean man #2: La di da. That’s why the black nation still in bondage!

–Clarkson Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Just an Asian wanting pizza

Young female clerk: Did you hear that the iPhone guy died?
Man stocking shelves: It’s sad.
Young female clerk: That’s why they didn’t come out with the iPhone 5. It’s the 4S.

–Hudson Square Pharmacy

Overheard by: bill gates

Professor: Hey, you ever heard of a guy named Spike Jonze?
Student: Didn’t he direct an Ikea commercial?

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Little kid, pointing at rides outside window: I wanna go on that one! And that one! And that one!
Dad: The only ride you goin’ on is this train ride!

–Q Train

Suit: Are you guys from Occupy Wall Street?
Hipster in apparent squatters’ camp: No, we’re waiting for SNL tickets.

–49^th & 6^th

Confused five-year-old during Santa Con: Mom? Where are the Santas going?
Mom: Shopping. They’re going shopping.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Andrea