Archive for 2012

Little May Bee Had a Rough Childhood.

Toddler: Maybe go upstairs? Maybe go upstairs?
Dad: Don’t start sentences with “maybe.” where are you getting this “maybe” from?
Toddler: Maybe go upstairs?
Dad: Don’t say “maybe”! Be definitive.

–Columbia University

Do You Spit or Swallow, Sir?

Man at counter: I *love* this shit! (slaps trident vitality Vigorate gum down on counter).
Cashiers: (giggle)
Man at counter: The flavor only lasts like, two seconds, but… I just think it’s tasty.

–Duane Reade

The Olsen Twins’ Reality Show Was Short-lived.

Drunk girl #1: Wait, I think I ate all my gum. Do you have any gum?
Drunk girl #2: Wait, you ate it? Like, you swallowed it?
Drunk girl #1: No, but I love cigarettes?

–3rd St & Mercer

Overheard by: subwaybums

…Like Daycare!

Four-year-old girl to mom: It smells like weed on this bus?
Mom: What?
Four-year-old girl: It smells like weed on this bus!
(mom ignores her)

–S46 Bus, Staten Island

Overheard by: Expecting a child

God Bless the USA

Nanny to little boy: So Matty, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Little boy: I want to be an astronaut, a pizza man, and sit on a bar stool like my daddy.

–Tin Tin’s Laundromat

…It’s Just That They Look Like Welding Goggles

Girl #1: Are those sunglasses?
Girl #2: It’s sunny outside! You can wear sunglasses any time of the year, so long as the sun is out! Especially if you’re like me and you have sensitive eyes!
Girl #1: Okay…


For the Win!

Girl #1: It’s a great yoga class. They tell you how to place your hips…
Girl #2: Oh, that sounds nice… I did my studies on yoga in India…
Girl #3: (silence)


Overheard by: kat g