Archive for 2012

She’ll Be Un­der­em­ployed and Over­dressed

Guy #1: I’m fi­nal­ly got to in­ter­view can­di­dates for my as­sis­tant po­si­tion.
Guy #2: Nice!
Guy #1: Yeah, I had the per­fect one all picked out, but HR had the fi­nal say so I did­n’t get the one I want­ed.
Guy #3: Oh, who did you have in mind?
Guy #1: I had this chick that was like a sales as­so­ciate at The Gap or some­thing, but in­stead they gave me this chick that used to be a an­a­lyst at some bank…
Guys in uni­son: Too bad, man, we feel your pain!

–E Train

Over­heard by: Neems

I Call Her Salmon El­la

16-year-old boy #1: Oh, yeah, I just mushed his face on the grill and made him eat the chick­en cut­let and shit was still cold.
16-year-old boy #2: Yo, but was the grill on?
16-year-old boy #1: You mean lit? Yeah, hot and pop­pin’, but it was­n’t about the grill, if you feel me, I want­ed him to die of ptomaine.
16-year-old boy #2: Next time he’ll fin­ger his own step­mom!
(they high five each oth­er)

–Chelsea Piers

Over­heard by: in­con­sid­er­ate

I’m Here on a Stu­dent Visa

Guy walk­ing: Hey man, do you know where the bar Spike Hill is?
Guy with a cig­a­rette: Sor­ry, I’m from up north.
Guy walk­ing: Like what, Maine?
Guy with cig­a­rette: Nah, dude, Green­point.

–Williams­burg

…Here’s a Rain Check

Girl, re­ceiv­ing birth­day gift from date: Oh my god, that’s so cute, I’m go­ing to cry.
Guy: Re­aly?
Girl: No… Well, maybe if I was­n’t on Zoloft.

–6th & 17th

…If You Want to See My Clit

Girl to guy: You have no body fat! If you were a girl you’d have like no pe­ri­ods!
Guy: Uh… Thanks? I don’t know if that’s a com­pli­ment or…

–5th Ave & 42nd St

Over­heard by: Clara R.

How So?

Run­ner #1: That was a such a great, great race.
Run­ner #2: What do they call the event?
Run­ner #1: The Great Race.
Run­ner #2: Oh, that makes sense.

–86th & 1st

Over­heard by: John

Raise Your Hand If You Want to See the Movie

Guy #1: Who are we hav­ing brunch with again?
Guy #2: The ones who are the Jew­ish ver­sion of us.
Guy #1: Oh, so he’s black and she’s Puer­to Ri­can?

–30th Ave, As­to­ria

For a While, We All Thought We Were Turn­ing Japan­ese

Bar­tender: You al­ready closed out your tab.
Cus­tomer: No I did­n’t.
Bar­tender: Yeah, you did, check your pock­et.
Cus­tomer: I did­n’t sign any­thing.
Bar­tender: Oh, oh, oh, wait, no. No you did­n’t, I’m sor­ry.
Cus­tomer: Oh, I get it. (mo­tions to an­oth­er guy at bar) Two asian guys, right?

–Union Pool