Archive for 2012

She’ll Be Underemployed and Overdressed

Guy #1: I’m finally got to interview candidates for my assistant position.
Guy #2: Nice!
Guy #1: Yeah, I had the perfect one all picked out, but HR had the final say so I didn’t get the one I wanted.
Guy #3: Oh, who did you have in mind?
Guy #1: I had this chick that was like a sales associate at The Gap or something, but instead they gave me this chick that used to be a analyst at some bank…
Guys in unison: Too bad, man, we feel your pain!

–E Train

Overheard by: Neems

I Call Her Salmon Ella

16-year-old boy #1: Oh, yeah, I just mushed his face on the grill and made him eat the chicken cutlet and shit was still cold.
16-year-old boy #2: Yo, but was the grill on?
16-year-old boy #1: You mean lit? Yeah, hot and poppin’, but it wasn’t about the grill, if you feel me, I wanted him to die of ptomaine.
16-year-old boy #2: Next time he’ll finger his own stepmom!
(they high five each other)

–Chelsea Piers

Overheard by: inconsiderate

I’m Here on a Student Visa

Guy walking: Hey man, do you know where the bar Spike Hill is?
Guy with a cigarette: Sorry, I’m from up north.
Guy walking: Like what, Maine?
Guy with cigarette: Nah, dude, Greenpoint.


…Here’s a Rain Check

Girl, receiving birthday gift from date: Oh my god, that’s so cute, I’m going to cry.
Guy: Realy?
Girl: No… Well, maybe if I wasn’t on Zoloft.

–6th & 17th

…If You Want to See My Clit

Girl to guy: You have no body fat! If you were a girl you’d have like no periods!
Guy: Uh… Thanks? I don’t know if that’s a compliment or…

–5th Ave & 42nd St

Overheard by: Clara R.

How So?

Runner #1: That was a such a great, great race.
Runner #2: What do they call the event?
Runner #1: The Great Race.
Runner #2: Oh, that makes sense.

–86th & 1st

Overheard by: John

For a While, We All Thought We Were Turning Japanese

Bartender: You already closed out your tab.
Customer: No I didn’t.
Bartender: Yeah, you did, check your pocket.
Customer: I didn’t sign anything.
Bartender: Oh, oh, oh, wait, no. No you didn’t, I’m sorry.
Customer: Oh, I get it. (motions to another guy at bar) Two asian guys, right?

–Union Pool

Fathering Children Means It’ll Never Be Your Turn

Toddler: Mum, mum, mum, mum…
Dad: How about daddy?
Toddler: Mum, mum, mum, mum…
Dad: But what about daddy??
Toddler: Mum, mum, mum, mum…
Dad, stressed: When is it going to be daddy’s turn?

–B Train

Overheard by: Akiko