Archive for 2012

Eat. Pray. Wednes­day-One-Lin­er.

Burly black man: I’m just not a flir­ty per­son.

–10th St & 4th Ave

Odd woman con­sol­ing her friend: You see, he could be a di­a­mond, but he choos­es to be coal! And here you are, sparkling!

–6 Train

Woman on cell: So I says to him, ‘that Sue* is a good woman! You want to make her your shorty? You bet­ter get your shit to­geth­er and ap­proach her the right way!’

–14th & 7th

Straight white male on cell: I want to pun­ish her for mak­ing me feel in­se­cure.

–8th Ave & 19th St

Over­heard by: Lisa Levy

Wednes­day Weight-Losers

Girl­friend to boyfriend: If we got mar­ried, do you think every­one in our lives would loose weight for the wed­ding?

–4 Train

Teen girl to friend: It’s like anorex­ia but… spir­i­tu­al.

–34th & 7th

Girl to friend: I’m pay­ing you to tell me to gain weight so you can suck it out of me?

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Fat Boy Slim

8‑year-old boy: Mom, can I take off this coat? It makes me look fat.

–120th st & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Over­heard by: Car­ol

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Bring Back the Side Pony

Blond-haired, blue-eyed six-year-old girl with mom to ras­ta: Are those pony­tails in your hair?

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Casey

Guy with enor­mous gin­ger afro: The hair thing is very weird; I feel like every­one is star­ing at me…

–Bow­ery & 4th St

Over­heard by: RED

Girl on cell, prob­a­bly speak­ing to an­oth­er girl: And she wants straight bangs, like the ones I’ve had for years, and she thinks it’ll look good on her?

–14th & 4th Ave

Over­heard by: Boblrid­er

Boy at bar watch­ing Pa­tri­ots Game: I love Tom Brady. His hair makes me want to be a bet­ter man.

–Brass Mon­key

Over­heard by: Miss Marisol

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Keanu Reeves

Old­er man to wife, in front of freez­er: “Slow churned” What does that mean? They could put any­thing in there–how do you know he’s re­al­ly churn­ing it slow?

–Key Foods, White­stone

Man with Russ­ian ac­cent: You are slow like tur­tle… but in the head.

–95th & 3rd

Over­heard by: tom

Four-year-old boy, throw­ing tantrum while get­ting on­to train: But I wan­na take the r train! I wan­na take the r train! The q is too slow! I don’t like get­ting off at 7th Av­enue! I wan­na take the r train!

–B Train

Over­heard by: I don’t like the B and the Q ei­ther

Pi­lot, as plane is about to take off: Hold on every­one, I’m about to go re­al­l­l­l­ly fast!

–Plane Leav­ing JFK

End Sday One-Lin­ers

Six-year-old, play­ing video game: Whee! I’m go­ing to com­mit sui­cide!

–B Train

Emo kid on train to an­oth­er: I once tried to over­dose, but my me­tab­o­lism was so fast that it did­n’t work cor­rect­ly.

–N Train

Over­heard by: Rachel

Guy on cell, in bored voice: I wan­na fuck­ing kill my­self… but be­sides that, it’s just an­oth­er love­ly day in the neigh­bor­hood…

–Mid­town, Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: Ni­na

Fe­male NYU un­der­grad to an­oth­er: Well, if it makes you feel any bet­ter, I tried to com­mit sui­cide too…

–Uni­ver­si­ty Place & 10th St

Over­heard by: Don Will­mott

Girl on cell: My psy­chol­o­gist said I’m not al­lowed to make sui­cide pacts any­more. Sor­ry!

–Cen­tral Park