Archive for 2012

Eat. Pray. Wednesday-One-Liner.

Burly black man: I'm just not a flirty person.

–10th St & 4th Ave

Odd woman consoling her friend: You see, he could be a diamond, but he chooses to be coal! And here you are, sparkling!

–6 Train

Woman on cell: So I says to him, 'that Sue* is a good woman! You want to make her your shorty? You better get your shit together and approach her the right way!'

–14th & 7th

Straight white male on cell: I want to punish her for making me feel insecure.

–8th Ave & 19th St

Overheard by: Lisa Levy

Wednesday Weight-Losers

Girlfriend to boyfriend: If we got married, do you think everyone in our lives would loose weight for the wedding?

–4 Train

Teen girl to friend: It's like anorexia but… spiritual.

–34th & 7th

Girl to friend: I'm paying you to tell me to gain weight so you can suck it out of me?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fat Boy Slim

8-year-old boy: Mom, can I take off this coat? It makes me look fat.

–120th st & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Carol

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Back the Side Pony

Blond-haired, blue-eyed six-year-old girl with mom to rasta: Are those ponytails in your hair?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Casey

Guy with enormous ginger afro: The hair thing is very weird; I feel like everyone is staring at me…

–Bowery & 4th St

Overheard by: RED

Girl on cell, probably speaking to another girl: And she wants straight bangs, like the ones I've had for years, and she thinks it'll look good on her?

–14th & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Boblrider

Boy at bar watching Patriots Game: I love Tom Brady. His hair makes me want to be a better man.

–Brass Monkey

Overheard by: Miss Marisol

Wednesday One-Liners for Keanu Reeves

Older man to wife, in front of freezer: "Slow churned" What does that mean? They could put anything in there–how do you know he's really churning it slow?

–Key Foods, Whitestone

Man with Russian accent: You are slow like turtle… but in the head.

–95th & 3rd

Overheard by: tom

Four-year-old boy, throwing tantrum while getting onto train: But I wanna take the r train! I wanna take the r train! The q is too slow! I don't like getting off at 7th Avenue! I wanna take the r train!

–B Train

Overheard by: I don't like the B and the Q either

Pilot, as plane is about to take off: Hold on everyone, I'm about to go reallllly fast!

–Plane Leaving JFK

End Sday One-Liners

Six-year-old, playing video game: Whee! I'm going to commit suicide!

–B Train

Emo kid on train to another: I once tried to overdose, but my metabolism was so fast that it didn't work correctly.

–N Train

Overheard by: Rachel

Guy on cell, in bored voice: I wanna fucking kill myself… but besides that, it's just another lovely day in the neighborhood…

–Midtown, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Nina

Female NYU undergrad to another: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I tried to commit suicide too…

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: Don Willmott

Girl on cell: My psychologist said I'm not allowed to make suicide pacts anymore. Sorry!

–Central Park