Archive for 2012

Wednesday One-Liners: “Chug! Chug!”

Child to father: No dad, I want the whole fucking beer!

–Union Square

Stoned guy: Iced tea is just like water and lemon and shit.

–5th Ave Diner

Overheard by: oliviz

College student to another: So we can go to an expensive club tonight, where it’s really hard to look good… or go to a cheap bar where there’s premium beer and women actually born in this country.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: melbert

New Yorican girl: So I bought this juice and brought it home, right, later my mother must have torn through the fridge and taken it. And she was like “I’m really sorry I took your juice.” And I was like, “okay, whatever.” I mean, what was I gonna do about it? Drink her piss or something?

–Coffee Shop, 77th & 1st

And We’ve Only Heard Of One Of ‘Em.

Freshman jock #1, responding to rainstorm outside classroom window: You can stand under my umbrella…
Freshman jock #2: Ella…
Freshman jock #1: Ella…
Freshman jock #2: Ella…
Freshman jock #1: Ay! Too many ellas!

–Columbia University

Not That Old Story Again, Grandpa.

Grandma in theater to child, about ostrich: And when it’s really threatened, it’s deadly. One kick can kill a man!
Grandpa: Could be a Rockette.

–American Museum of Natural History