Archive for 2012

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: “Chug! Chug!”

Child to fa­ther: No dad, I want the whole fuck­ing beer!

–Union Square

Stoned guy: Iced tea is just like wa­ter and lemon and shit.

–5th Ave Din­er

Over­heard by: oliviz

Col­lege stu­dent to an­oth­er: So we can go to an ex­pen­sive club tonight, where it’s re­al­ly hard to look good… or go to a cheap bar where there’s pre­mi­um beer and women ac­tu­al­ly born in this coun­try.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: mel­bert

New Yor­i­can girl: So I bought this juice and brought it home, right, lat­er my moth­er must have torn through the fridge and tak­en it. And she was like “I’m re­al­ly sor­ry I took your juice.” And I was like, “okay, what­ev­er.” I mean, what was I gonna do about it? Drink her piss or some­thing?

–Cof­fee Shop, 77th & 1st

And We’ve On­ly Heard Of One Of ‘Em.

Fresh­man jock #1, re­spond­ing to rain­storm out­side class­room win­dow: You can stand un­der my um­brel­la…
Fresh­man jock #2: El­la…
Fresh­man jock #1: El­la…
Fresh­man jock #2: El­la…
Fresh­man jock #1: Ay! Too many el­las!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Not That Old Sto­ry Again, Grand­pa.

Grand­ma in the­ater to child, about os­trich: And when it’s re­al­ly threat­ened, it’s dead­ly. One kick can kill a man!
Grand­pa: Could be a Rock­ette.

–Amer­i­can Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry