Archive for 2012

No One Else Has Problems Like We Do!

Guy in suit #1: You know what you do?
Guy in suit #2: What?
Guy in suit #1: You say 'fuck it' and go live in The Hamptons…

–Central Park, by Baseball Fields

Nah, Stolen

Guy eating pizza: Its hottt!
Girl: Temperature hot or spicy hot?

–29th & 7th Ave

Now Where Do Crackheads Figure Into This Schema?

Girl: I think I'm going to be a lumberjack tomorrow.
Friend: But then how will we tell you apart from the hipsters? I mean really, what's the difference between a lumberjack and a hipster?
Girl: One of them has a job.

–Citi Field

Or, You Know, Wherever

Guy, watching the Discovery shuttle making final flight: What's that? Two planes together?
Friend: The top one is the Challenger that went to the moon.

–Queens

Sorry– I'll Switch to Decaf

Employee #1: Allllllll niiiiiiiight loooooong. I'm gonna give it to ya, give it to ya, give it to ya, give it to ya…
Employee #2: Yo, shut up. This ain't no Puerto Rican idol.

–Starbucks

Hef's Parents Had a Similar Issue with Him.

Mother: Get your butt over here!
Little girl on leash: I am looking for the bunnies! (looks over a pile of large garbage bags)
Mother: You are fucking gettin' on my nerves!
Little girl on leash: (starts to rip open garbage on street)
Mother: (tugs leash and slaps daughter's hand and then begins pulling her daughter down the street)
Little girl on leash: Mom! I want to pet the bunnies!
Mother: I fucking told you already many times they bite and you will get diseases and rabies! You are so stuu-pidd.

–115th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Michael Bastianelli

Tonight on Iron Chef

Girl #1 to host: Can you change the tv to MSG?
Girl #2: MSG? Is that a channel?
Girl #3: Isn't that in Chinese food?

–51st & 2nd