Archive for 2012

No One Else Has Prob­lems Like We Do!

Guy in suit #1: You know what you do?
Guy in suit #2: What?
Guy in suit #1: You say ‘fuck it’ and go live in The Hamp­tons…

–Cen­tral Park, by Base­ball Fields

Nah, Stolen

Guy eat­ing piz­za: Its hottt!
Girl: Tem­per­a­ture hot or spicy hot?

–29th & 7th Ave

Now Where Do Crack­heads Fig­ure In­to This Schema?

Girl: I think I’m go­ing to be a lum­ber­jack to­mor­row.
Friend: But then how will we tell you apart from the hip­sters? I mean re­al­ly, what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween a lum­ber­jack and a hip­ster?
Girl: One of them has a job.

–Citi Field

Or, You Know, Wher­ev­er

Guy, watch­ing the Dis­cov­ery shut­tle mak­ing fi­nal flight: What’s that? Two planes to­geth­er?
Friend: The top one is the Chal­lenger that went to the moon.

–Queens

Sor­ry– I’ll Switch to De­caf

Em­ploy­ee #1: Al­l­l­l­l­l­ll ni­i­i­i­i­i­i­ight loooooong. I’m gonna give it to ya, give it to ya, give it to ya, give it to ya…
Em­ploy­ee #2: Yo, shut up. This ain’t no Puer­to Ri­can idol.

–Star­bucks

Hef’s Par­ents Had a Sim­i­lar Is­sue with Him.

Moth­er: Get your butt over here!
Lit­tle girl on leash: I am look­ing for the bun­nies! (looks over a pile of large garbage bags)
Moth­er: You are fuck­ing get­tin’ on my nerves!
Lit­tle girl on leash: (starts to rip open garbage on street)
Moth­er: (tugs leash and slaps daugh­ter’s hand and then be­gins pulling her daugh­ter down the street)
Lit­tle girl on leash: Mom! I want to pet the bun­nies!
Moth­er: I fuck­ing told you al­ready many times they bite and you will get dis­eases and ra­bies! You are so stuu-pidd.

–115th St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Michael Bas­tianel­li

Tonight on Iron Chef

Girl #1 to host: Can you change the tv to MSG?
Girl #2: MSG? Is that a chan­nel?
Girl #3: Is­n’t that in Chi­nese food?

–51st & 2nd