Archive for 2012

Quintessentially Manhattan.

Woman getting off the Chinatown bus: Excuse me sir, is this Manhattan?
Chinatown bus driver: No, go away. (closes the door)
Woman knocking on door of bus: Wait? What? This isn’t Manhattan?
Driver: No, fuck you!
(drives away mumbling stuff in Chinese)

–ChinaTown Bus

Insults Are Their Cardio.

Skinny chick in designer clothing: Yeah, well she also said that you have flat hair.
Skinny chick in designer clothing dripping in diamonds, nonchalantly: Yeah, well you can tell her that my father ate her father’s pathetic excuse for a company for breakfast this morning and intends to stop by again for lunch to rip the CEO plate off his office door and shove it up his ass.
Skinny chick in designer clothing: Okay. I’ll also add that she didn’t get into Georgetown and you did. That’ll sting.
Skinny chick in designer clothing dripping in diamonds: And don’t forget to throw in that witty line I had about her nose job looking like it was done by Ray Charles.
Skinny chick in designer clothing: Pfffft. Fucking Red Sox fans.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: mel

Instead, May We Suggest Soylent Green?

Hipster boy #1: So, yeah, I’m thinking like, somewhere where I can make a difference, you know? Somewhere where, I’m like, doing something.
Hipster boy #2: Yeah, like, so you change someone’s life. Actually do something, instead of just pushing a fucking pencil.
Hipster boy #1: Exactly. I want what I do to have meaning.
Hipster boy #2: So have you filled out any applications?
Hipster boy #1, horrified: Applications? What, you think I want to get a job?

–Avenue of the Americas & W 4th St

Overheard by: This Is Why I Stay In the Bronx

Nobody Likes the C‑Word

Young woman, removing iPod after being pushed: What the hell was that about?
Grumpy old school dude: You were in my way.
Young woman: Fuck you!
Grumpy old school dude: Enjoy ovarian cancer, bitch!

–L Train

That’s Exactly What the Nuns Used to Say!

Teenage gangsta: Yo nigga, that motherfucka dressed like Rocky! Yo rocky, knock that bitch out!
Halloween rocky: Uhhhh! Yo! (strikes Rocky pose)
Teenage gangsta: You betta get yo ass in the freezer and start beating your meat.

–7 Train

Overheard by: I’m not eating their cooking

Don’t Take Mushrooms to the Ale House, Dear Reader

Guy #1, watching guy #2 startled by his own reflection: Dude, bathrooms will fuck you up. Whoa, then I saw a mirror.
Guy #2: Dude, you don’t look into the mirror. How many dimensions were you?

–Amsterdam Ale House