Archive for 2012

Quin­tes­sen­tial­ly Man­hat­tan.

Woman get­ting off the Chi­na­town bus: Ex­cuse me sir, is this Man­hat­tan?
Chi­na­town bus dri­ver: No, go away. (clos­es the door)
Woman knock­ing on door of bus: Wait? What? This is­n’t Man­hat­tan?
Dri­ver: No, fuck you!
(dri­ves away mum­bling stuff in Chi­nese)

–Chi­na­Town Bus

In­sults Are Their Car­dio.

Skin­ny chick in de­sign­er cloth­ing: Yeah, well she al­so said that you have flat hair.
Skin­ny chick in de­sign­er cloth­ing drip­ping in di­a­monds, non­cha­lant­ly: Yeah, well you can tell her that my fa­ther ate her fa­ther’s pa­thet­ic ex­cuse for a com­pa­ny for break­fast this morn­ing and in­tends to stop by again for lunch to rip the CEO plate off his of­fice door and shove it up his ass.
Skin­ny chick in de­sign­er cloth­ing: Okay. I’ll al­so add that she did­n’t get in­to George­town and you did. That’ll sting.
Skin­ny chick in de­sign­er cloth­ing drip­ping in di­a­monds: And don’t for­get to throw in that wit­ty line I had about her nose job look­ing like it was done by Ray Charles.
Skin­ny chick in de­sign­er cloth­ing: Pfffft. Fuck­ing Red Sox fans.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: mel

And I’m Out Of Pussy Stamps

Hobo #1, af­ter star­ing a woman down: I need to buy some pussy.
Hobo #2, loud­ly: I need to buy some pussy but I ain’t got enough mon­ey to pay for the ho­tel or the pussy.

–38th & 9th

In­stead, May We Sug­gest Soy­lent Green?

Hip­ster boy #1: So, yeah, I’m think­ing like, some­where where I can make a dif­fer­ence, you know? Some­where where, I’m like, do­ing some­thing.
Hip­ster boy #2: Yeah, like, so you change some­one’s life. Ac­tu­al­ly do some­thing, in­stead of just push­ing a fuck­ing pen­cil.
Hip­ster boy #1: Ex­act­ly. I want what I do to have mean­ing.
Hip­ster boy #2: So have you filled out any ap­pli­ca­tions?
Hip­ster boy #1, hor­ri­fied: Ap­pli­ca­tions? What, you think I want to get a job?

–Av­enue of the Amer­i­c­as & W 4th St

Over­heard by: This Is Why I Stay In the Bronx

No­body Likes the C‑Word

Young woman, re­mov­ing iPod af­ter be­ing pushed: What the hell was that about?
Grumpy old school dude: You were in my way.
Young woman: Fuck you!
Grumpy old school dude: En­joy ovar­i­an can­cer, bitch!

–L Train

That’s Ex­act­ly What the Nuns Used to Say!

Teenage gangs­ta: Yo nig­ga, that moth­er­fuc­ka dressed like Rocky! Yo rocky, knock that bitch out!
Hal­loween rocky: Uh­h­hh! Yo! (strikes Rocky pose)
Teenage gangs­ta: You bet­ta get yo ass in the freez­er and start beat­ing your meat.

–7 Train

Over­heard by: I’m not eat­ing their cook­ing