Archive for 2012

When Lum­ber­janes Gab.

Girl #1: So, what are you gonna wear to the par­ty?
Girl #2: I’m think­ing, like, a plaid shirt over a one­sie.

–Lud­low & Stan­ton

…Fun­ny Sto­ry

Guy with evil vil­lain mus­tache: I’m not gay but I used to on­ly date she-males, to this day I ob­sess over them.
6′5″ gay guy: Re­al­ly? That’s hot.
Guy with evil vil­lain mus­tache: I think if I was gay I’d have to be a top, I poop way too much to be a bot­tom.
6′5″ gay guy: Don’t we all…

–14th & 3rd

And There’s One Of Its Na­tives Now!

Pi­lot: We have now be­gun our de­scent in­to La­Guardia. Pas­sen­gers on the right side, if you look out your win­dows, you’ll get to see the beau­ti­ful Man­hat­tan sky­line and the space shut­tle en­ter­prise atop the in­tre­pid. Pas­sen­gers on the left side, you get… New jer­sey.
Pas­sen­ger on left side: Fuck all of you.

–Flight to LGA

Over­heard by: Sit­ting on the right side

It’s an Illin’ Wind…

Tot­ter­ing girl: I can’t walk in these shoes.
Sis­ter: I told you not to wear those!
Tot­ter­ing girl: You told me not to wear the skirt–you’re a hater on this skirt.
Moth­er: I told you not to wear the skirt ’cause when the wind be blowin’, your ass be showin’.

–Ford­ham Rd & Bel­mont Ave

Ha­ha, Racism!

Black man: (un­in­tel­li­gi­ble) Puer­to Ri­cans!
Do­mini­can man: I’m Do­mini­can. (walks away)
Black man: Puer­to Ri­can, Do­mini­can, Mex­i­can, you all com­plain the same! (turns to white friend) Any­ways, so this girl is Jew­ish…
White friend: Break up with her!
Black man: I know, right?

–Ave A & 3rd

Bar­tenders Love Play­ing “Just the Tip”

Dude #1: There has to be a way to flirt with a busy bar­tender that does­n’t piss her off.
Dude #2: We just need to find out where all the cute bar­tenders hang out when they’re not work­ing and get jobs bar­tend­ing there.

–74th & Am­s­ter­dam

…And It In­hibits Com­pe­ti­tion

Prep­pie-look­ing guy to cougar: So how come you’re not with your #1 toy boy tonight?
Cougar: I don’t give my toy boys num­bers. I’m not that jad­ed.

–Har­ry’s, Hanover Square