Archive for 2012

When Lumberjanes Gab.

Girl #1: So, what are you gonna wear to the party?
Girl #2: I’m thinking, like, a plaid shirt over a onesie.

–Ludlow & Stanton

…Funny Story

Guy with evil villain mustache: I’m not gay but I used to only date she-males, to this day I obsess over them.
6′5″ gay guy: Really? That’s hot.
Guy with evil villain mustache: I think if I was gay I’d have to be a top, I poop way too much to be a bottom.
6′5″ gay guy: Don’t we all…

–14th & 3rd

And There’s One Of Its Natives Now!

Pilot: We have now begun our descent into LaGuardia. Passengers on the right side, if you look out your windows, you’ll get to see the beautiful Manhattan skyline and the space shuttle enterprise atop the intrepid. Passengers on the left side, you get… New jersey.
Passenger on left side: Fuck all of you.

–Flight to LGA

Overheard by: Sitting on the right side

It’s an Illin’ Wind…

Tottering girl: I can’t walk in these shoes.
Sister: I told you not to wear those!
Tottering girl: You told me not to wear the skirt – you’re a hater on this skirt.
Mother: I told you not to wear the skirt ’cause when the wind be blowin’, your ass be showin’.

–Fordham Rd & Belmont Ave

…Fidelity’s a Huge Fucking Commitment

Girl #1: Bachelorette parties are stupid… It’s like, you just get a hundred dildoes you don’t need. You’re getting married, duh!
Girl #2: Well… I dunno.

–34th & 5th

Haha, Racism!

Black man: (unintelligible) Puerto Ricans!
Dominican man: I’m Dominican. (walks away)
Black man: Puerto Rican, Dominican, Mexican, you all complain the same! (turns to white friend) Anyways, so this girl is Jewish…
White friend: Break up with her!
Black man: I know, right?

–Ave A & 3rd

Bartenders Love Playing “Just the Tip”

Dude #1: There has to be a way to flirt with a busy bartender that doesn’t piss her off.
Dude #2: We just need to find out where all the cute bartenders hang out when they’re not working and get jobs bartending there.

–74th & Amsterdam

…And It Inhibits Competition

Preppie-looking guy to cougar: So how come you’re not with your #1 toy boy tonight?
Cougar: I don’t give my toy boys numbers. I’m not that jaded.

–Harry’s, Hanover Square