Archive for 2012

Location Is a Matter Of Consensus

Conductor #1: Hey, Brian.
(long pause)
Conductor #1, much louder, causing intercom speakers to rattle: HEY, BRIAN!
Conductor #2: Yeah?
Conductor #1: Where we at?
Conductor #2: Union Square.
Conductor #1: Right. Next stop, 23rd street. Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

–W Train

A Death Star?

Southern college girl #1: It’s just like Star Wars! It’s just like Star Wars!
Southern college girl #2: Look! Gotham City’s coming right at us! It’s just like Star Wars!
Southern college girl #1: Look at that tall building. Looks like they’re doing construction.
Southern college girl #2: Yeah, I wonder what they’re building…

–Staten Island Ferry

Fist Bump!

Short lady: So when I got home I found her naked and squatting in the closet.
Tall lady: Really?
Short lady: Yeah, I was so drunk too.

–Government Building, Tribeca

Thanks, Pornography!

Black dude: (attempts to pitch a ball of paper into a trash can and misses)
White chick: (grins)
Black dude: Now see, if I’d’a made that shot, you’d have to go out with me!
White chick: I think my girlfriend would object.
Black dude: No! But I’m a lesbian in my heart, see!

–Crown Heights

Poor Whitney

Male suit: Crack is whack.
Female suit, wistfully: Is it really, though?

–Water St & Wall St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Really Takes the Pressure Off

Drunk girl: This is gonna be so fun!
Texting drunk guy: Yeah. Astoria is nice.
Drunk girl: You’re so lucky, cuz I’m gonna give you so much promiscuity.
Texting drunk guy: Okay.

–31st St, Astoria

Overheard by: Rachel

And It’s Not Like She’ll Ever Be a God Champion

Girl: So for her, its like Sports or God.
Guy: Sports or God? What a choice.
Girl: They have some sports at school, but it’s not like she’ll ever be a squash champion…
Guy: Yeah, but for God there’s nowhere else but Temple.

–6th St & Ave B

Your Editors Regret Missing That Party

Old man, as lightning crashes overhead: Well, I guess all we can say is: to lightning and lesbians.
Old woman walking with him: To lightning and lesbians!

–13th St & 5th Ave

Not Enough Explosions?

Guy: This summer is going to suck. I hate going to the movies.
Girl: Not, it’s not! And going to the movies is awesome.
Guy: You know what I like? Swinging! Threesomes! Like that time it was me, you, and Stacey. That was awesome. Not the freaking movies!

–35th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Melissa