Lady, admiring baby: He’s so cute! How old is he? How many months?
Mother: 17.
Lady: 17?! He’s so big for his age!
Mother: Really?
Lady: Yes! I would have guessed he was at least a year old!
–Downtown 6 Train
Lady, admiring baby: He’s so cute! How old is he? How many months?
Mother: 17.
Lady: 17?! He’s so big for his age!
Mother: Really?
Lady: Yes! I would have guessed he was at least a year old!
–Downtown 6 Train
Girlfriend: I feel like that place is kind of expensive. It was 30 for a hello kitty with rhinestones. I mean, it was fancy shit. So that’s 35 unnecessarily on our credit card.
Boyfriend, unfazed and not paying attention: Well, it was fancy.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: rick
Boyfriend, in lofty, thoughtful tone: Those vagina plates? I think are a metaphor for eating pussy.
Girlfriend: Wow.
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: rick
Model type, walking in: Do you guys sell turkey burgers here?
Chef, yelling: No! We don’t sell any friggin’ turkey burgers! Get out of here!
(after she leaves, to remaining customers) Turkey burgers! Unbelievable! She’d probably just barf it up! Did you see her fingers? Stickin’ em down her throat is the only this those are good for!
–The Burger Joint
Overheard by: Ian Austin
Girl #1: I was surprised how much she hates Dallas.
Girl #2: Wait, do they live in Dallas, or is Dallas the baby’s name?
–83rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Richard
Customer, pointing out window: How is this Silence musical? Have you seen it?
Barista: Oh, yeah, it’s hilarious. The funniest thing I’ve ever seen in New York.
Customer: Wow, really?
Barista: Oh yeah! Well… Maybe not the funniest thing I’ve ever seen… Okay, it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen that didn’t involve somebody else’s misfortune.
–The Bean, 1st & 9th
Overheard by: Meli$$a
Preppy queer: Which sauce do you like? Barbecue? Honey mustard?
Prissy queer: I don’t like anything.
–McDonald’s
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Construction worker to another: Do you use your arms at work?
–Utica/Eastern Parkway
Chick to friend: Vanity, when you let go of that pole, don’t touch your face!
–2 Train
Suit to another: My dick is cleaner than Penn Station.
–Penn Station
Teen girl: He loved me, I used to poke his fat!
–F Train
Man on cell: I mean, what’s there to be happy about, it’s Panera bread! She spent the little money she did make on cupcakes, that fat bitch!
–NYU
40-something woman: Can I get a plain bagel, microwaved, with cream cheese. Thank you.
–Lenny’s Bagels, Broadway & 98th
Overheard by: Rstarr
Queeny teen to friend: Oh my god, can you believe we’ve been here for two weeks and we still haven’t had breakfast at Tiffany’s?
–Broadway & 79th St
Overheard by: SOS
Gay guy to fag hag: I would suck a dick right now for a taco.
–Rusty Knot, West Village
Overheard by: caitlin
Helpful guy to tourist family: You’re a mile away from 42nd Street. It’s twenty blocks to the south.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Teen girl: Hey, are we still in Manhattan?
–Penn Station
Tourist man on cell: I’m the corner of Al-banee and Green-which… (pause) Al-banee and Green-which.
–Near 9/11 Memorial
Girl on cell in the middle of Central Park: Yeah, where is it? (pause) 47th and 9th? Okay, we can be there soon, we’re on 76th and Madison.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: minuterie
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist