Archive for 2012

Some Cou­ples Should Fly Sep­a­rate­ly

Wife, in wor­ried tone: What’s wrong? What are you do­ing?
Hus­band, root­ing through bag: Re­lax, I’m look­ing for change, I want a bag of chips.
Wife: Oh, I want chips, I’ll go with you and pick them out. I want to stare at the wall of snacks.
Hus­band: There is no wall of snacks, on­ly a vend­ing ma­chine. I’ll get you chips.
Wife: Okay, and maybe a brown­ie.
Hus­band: I don’t have enough, I’m get­ting a drink, chips are salty.
Wife: You can eat chips, then the brown­ie, no more thirst!
Hus­band: What do you want to drink?
Wife: Ac­tu­al­ly, I want ice cream.
Hus­band: There is no ice cream, on­ly over­priced gelat­to.

–JFK Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: rick

I As­sumed It Was Just a Pet Name for His Pe­nis?

Girl to boyfriend, both watch­ing lap­top: Why did he call him­self Heisen­berg again?
Boyfriend: The un­cer­tain­ty prin­ci­ple?
Girl­friend, hes­i­tant: Oh. Wait… what?
Boyfriend: (si­lence)

–JFK Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: rick

Hey, She Loved That Stu­pid Movie

Teen Girl #1: I just hate how this book is so cliche.
Teen Girl #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Teen Girl #1: Hey, Chloe might like this. Do you think she’d read it?

–Bat­tery Park City

Over­heard by: Lala

…I’m Not Home­less!

Drunk, up­set girl to am­bu­lance crew: A home­less man bit me.
Drunk boy pass­ing by: What the fuck?

–113th & Broad­way

Bob Ma­jored in Two-Beer-Queer Stud­ies

20-some­thing guy leav­ing of­fice build­ing to two oth­ers: Now we’re on­ly go­ing to have two beers, right? Just a cou­ple, okay?

–41st St & Madi­son Ave

“NAACK­KKP” Just Does­n’t Have the Same Ring to It.

Young black man: Yo! Youse a racist! Watchu a racist?
Mid­dle aged white man: Yeah, I’m racist. I’m so racist the KKK will start a schol­ar­ship fund in part­ner­ship of the NAACP by the time im through with you.

–N Train

Over­heard by: Sen H.

A Page from My Big Book Of Rea­sons I Don’t Talk to My Kids

Very young boy to very preg­nant mom: How is ba­by sis­ter go­ing to come out of your bel­ly?
Very preg­nant mom: Mom­my will go in­to the hos­pi­tal and a nice doc­tor will open mom­my up and take her out.
Very young boy: Oh. So how was the first doc­tor born?

–Shurbert Al­ley

Over­heard by: Brooke Allen

You Al­ways Were a Philoso­pher, Ed.

Con­struc­tion work­er #1, bare­ly miss­ing train: Aw, if we had moved faster, we would­n’t have missed it!
Con­struc­tion work­er #2: Yeah, well, if I drank a fifth of liquor, I’d be drunk.

–8th St

Over­heard by: Spe­cial K