Archive for 2012

Some Couples Should Fly Separately

Wife, in worried tone: What's wrong? What are you doing?
Husband, rooting through bag: Relax, I'm looking for change, I want a bag of chips.
Wife: Oh, I want chips, I'll go with you and pick them out. I want to stare at the wall of snacks.
Husband: There is no wall of snacks, only a vending machine. I'll get you chips.
Wife: Okay, and maybe a brownie.
Husband: I don't have enough, I'm getting a drink, chips are salty.
Wife: You can eat chips, then the brownie, no more thirst!
Husband: What do you want to drink?
Wife: Actually, I want ice cream.
Husband: There is no ice cream, only overpriced gelatto.

–JFK Terminal

Overheard by: rick

I Assumed It Was Just a Pet Name for His Penis?

Girl to boyfriend, both watching laptop: Why did he call himself Heisenberg again?
Boyfriend: The uncertainty principle?
Girlfriend, hesitant: Oh. Wait… what?
Boyfriend: (silence)

–JFK Terminal

Overheard by: rick

Hey, She Loved That Stupid Movie

Teen Girl #1: I just hate how this book is so cliche.
Teen Girl #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Teen Girl #1: Hey, Chloe might like this. Do you think she'd read it?

–Battery Park City

Overheard by: Lala

…I'm Not Homeless!

Drunk, upset girl to ambulance crew: A homeless man bit me.
Drunk boy passing by: What the fuck?

–113th & Broadway

“NAACKKKP” Just Doesn't Have the Same Ring to It.

Young black man: Yo! Youse a racist! Watchu a racist?
Middle aged white man: Yeah, I'm racist. I'm so racist the KKK will start a scholarship fund in partnership of the NAACP by the time im through with you.

–N Train

Overheard by: Sen H.

A Page from My Big Book Of Reasons I Don't Talk to My Kids

Very young boy to very pregnant mom: How is baby sister going to come out of your belly?
Very pregnant mom: Mommy will go into the hospital and a nice doctor will open mommy up and take her out.
Very young boy: Oh. So how was the first doctor born?

–Shurbert Alley

Overheard by: Brooke Allen

You Always Were a Philosopher, Ed.

Construction worker #1, barely missing train: Aw, if we had moved faster, we wouldn't have missed it!
Construction worker #2: Yeah, well, if I drank a fifth of liquor, I'd be drunk.

–8th St

Overheard by: Special K