Archive for 2012

I Assumed It Was Just a Pet Name for His Penis?

Girl to boyfriend, both watching laptop: Why did he call himself Heisenberg again?
Boyfriend: The uncertainty principle?
Girlfriend, hesitant: Oh. Wait… what?
Boyfriend: (silence)

–JFK Terminal

Overheard by: rick

Hey, She Loved That Stupid Movie

Teen Girl #1: I just hate how this book is so cliche.
Teen Girl #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Teen Girl #1: Hey, Chloe might like this. Do you think she’d read it?

–Battery Park City

Overheard by: Lala

…I’m Not Homeless!

Drunk, upset girl to ambulance crew: A homeless man bit me.
Drunk boy passing by: What the fuck?

–113th & Broadway

Bob Majored in Two-Beer-Queer Studies

20-something guy leaving office building to two others: Now we’re only going to have two beers, right? Just a couple, okay?

–41st St & Madison Ave

“NAACKKKP” Just Doesn’t Have the Same Ring to It.

Young black man: Yo! Youse a racist! Watchu a racist?
Middle aged white man: Yeah, I’m racist. I’m so racist the KKK will start a scholarship fund in partnership of the NAACP by the time im through with you.

–N Train

Overheard by: Sen H.

A Page from My Big Book Of Reasons I Don’t Talk to My Kids

Very young boy to very pregnant mom: How is baby sister going to come out of your belly?
Very pregnant mom: Mommy will go into the hospital and a nice doctor will open mommy up and take her out.
Very young boy: Oh. So how was the first doctor born?

–Shurbert Alley

Overheard by: Brooke Allen

You Always Were a Philosopher, Ed.

Construction worker #1, barely missing train: Aw, if we had moved faster, we wouldn’t have missed it!
Construction worker #2: Yeah, well, if I drank a fifth of liquor, I’d be drunk.

–8th St

Overheard by: Special K

This Is Their Foreplay

Eating disorder girl: I so totally ate a bread bowl tonight.
Eating disorder girl’s boyfriend: You ate a waffle bowl, with no ice cream, it cost 69 cents, I could’ve fed a small African child for a week with that shit.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dr. H