Archive for 2012

How Many Weight Watch­ers Points Are in a Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Chick: I have mon­ey on me, but I’m not gonna spend it on fuck­ing food!

–E 10th St

Over­heard by: j

Guy on cell, in line for New York to Boston Fung Wah bus: I got­ta go the the bean.

–Canal St

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

Hobo, scream­ing out loud: Turkey does not cure crip­ple!

–Lin­coln Square

Over­heard by: M

Over­ly ex­cit­ed 20-some­thing: I have an egg timer, have you ever seen an egg timer?

–23rd & 3rd

Over­heard by: wish I had one

I Did­n’t Cheat on You– We Just Wednes­day One-Linered Up!

20-some­thing woman: There you are! Adam, this is Jolie. Jolie, this is Adam, the guy I hooked up with.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Over­heard by: wb

20-some­thing guy to friend: I’ll def­i­nite­ly hook up tonight. My stan­dards are pret­ty low. I on­ly re­quire them to say ‘yes’ and it’s all good.

–N Train

Over­heard by: Tr­ish M

Guy: I was kin­da sick, but I don’t think I was con­ta­gious… but I told her I was so I did­n’t have to hook up with her.

–Court & Pa­cif­ic Car­rol Gar­dens

20-some­thing girl on cell: No, on your birth­day, I hooked up with no one but you.

–1st Ave & 60th St

Don’t Get All Bro­ken Up Over These Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman on cell phone: When we break up, what’s he gonna do, take the fuckin’ lawn, too?

–Mer­rick Blvd

Over­heard by: Lu­ki

Guy on steps to oth­er: If you want a di­vorce, bitch, you got­ta die! (pause) Til death do us part!

–9th St & Ave A

Fat les­bian to an­oth­er: If I break up with her, she is go­ing to sodom­ize me with a fork.

–Mul­lane’s Bar and Grill, Brook­lyn

Woman to man: I mean, when women are dumped they die im­me­di­ate­ly. Scream, cry, throw things, eat. Then rise again like the phoenix… on­ly slight­ly fat­ter, and move on.

–Olympic Flame Din­er

Over­heard by: Liz Red­dick

Rage Against the Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Teen: I’m on­ly con­sid­er­ate of peo­ple so I can be mad at them if they’re in­con­sid­er­ate of me.

–Green­wich Vil­lage

Drunk ghet­to girl: She’s just mad be­cause she eats pussy!

–Clas­son St

Over­heard by: kel­ly

Col­lege girl on cell: I’d shove a rusty wire hang­er up her vag just to get my anger out.

–Union Square

Boy: If I found out An­geli­na Jolie was liv­ing un­der my bed, I would be mad at her.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Much Ado About Nut­tin’

High school kid: So wait, his balls had asth­ma?

–Down­town B Train

Man on cell: I know what your life’s like now. Out in the world. On tour. You got life by the balls.

–Pommes Frites

Guy in front of bar: I taped this joint to my balls; who wants a toke?

–Mac­Dou­gal & 8th

20-some­thing classy girl to friend: Well, he was lean­ing over me, teas­ing me with his balls… So… I just flicked them! He got so mad!

–Star­bucks, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Tall Mocha Frap