Archive for 2012

…And We Stole It from Denny’s.

Thug: Shorty, I think my ma’s on the rock again.
Thugette: Why you say that?
Thug: I was eating ma chex yesterday, and I asked her for the spoon and…
Thugette: The spoon, my nigga? Like the spoon for cooking dope?
Thug: Nah, nah. Our spoon.
Thugette: Oh, you mean a spoon.
Thug: Nah, shorty, the spoon. We only got one.

–23rd & 5th

Probably All That Rusticating

Bleached blonde Asian girl: My roommate is from Indiana and told me these stories about people, like this one girl who had to have sex with her stepdad for, like, 12 years.
Date: Oh my god, they are so stupid! I swear, the further away you get from the two oceans the stupider people get.
Bleached blonde Asian girl: I know! Like, if something like happened in New York, you know, you neighbors would hear because all the apartments are attached, not far apart and isolated like it is there. They are so stupid! 

–7 Train

Overheard by: Midwest Asian-Girl East Coast Transplant

Either Kind Of Stoned

Short hot topic clad girlfriend: They’re back together again?
Tall lanky crust punk boyfriend: Yeah man, they break up and get back together again more than people get stoned in Iraq.

–175th & Ft. Washington Ave.

Ann Coulter: Democrats!

Friend #1, to bartender: We’d like some shots.
Bartender: I can do that. What kind?
Friend #2: Do you do blowjobs or cumshots?
Friend #1: What about abortion shots?
Bartender: Jesus Christ, who are you people?

–Kabin bar

Try a Bigger Pool, Sweetie

Drunk lesbian #1, screaming near crowd of post Pride Parade revelers: Marco!
Drunk lesbian #2: Polo!
Drunk lesbian #1, taking hands off eyes: Dammit! I already know you! I’m trying to meet new people!

–West 12th St. & West 4th St.

This PSA for the Use Of Condiments Never Quite Took Off

Crazy toothless woman taking packets of salt and pepper from bins: What, ya’ll ain’t never seen people taking teeth and pills from restaurants before? Ya’ll don’t know my name is Harwas and I’m anti-semetic. I hex all of ya’ll. May it grow this way.
Teen: Yo, mama, you forgot the ketchup.
Crazy toothless woman: I’m just stepping through nicely.

–McDonald’s, 34th & 8th

Poor, Poor Camille Grammer.

Drunk middle aged woman coming home from St. Patty’s parade: Stay away from ma man! I told her to stay away from ma man.
Drunk middle aged man: Mmm-hmm.
Drunk woman, slurring: I told her to not touch ma man. She thinks she’s all cute and shit. But she not cute, she looks like a 10 dolla hooka.
Drunk middle aged man, in agreement: Uh-huh.
Drunk woman, slurring and stumbling: Not even, a two dolla hooka. Go on, you slut! Keep walking!

–Staten Island Ferry