Archive for 2012

…And We Stole It from Den­ny’s.

Thug: Shorty, I think my ma’s on the rock again.
Thugette: Why you say that?
Thug: I was eat­ing ma chex yes­ter­day, and I asked her for the spoon and…
Thugette: The spoon, my nig­ga? Like the spoon for cook­ing dope?
Thug: Nah, nah. Our spoon.
Thugette: Oh, you mean a spoon.
Thug: Nah, shorty, the spoon. We on­ly got one.

–23rd & 5th

Prob­a­bly All That Rus­ti­cat­ing

Bleached blonde Asian girl: My room­mate is from In­di­ana and told me these sto­ries about peo­ple, like this one girl who had to have sex with her step­dad for, like, 12 years.
Date: Oh my god, they are so stu­pid! I swear, the fur­ther away you get from the two oceans the stu­pid­er peo­ple get.
Bleached blonde Asian girl: I know! Like, if some­thing like hap­pened in New York, you know, you neigh­bors would hear be­cause all the apart­ments are at­tached, not far apart and iso­lat­ed like it is there. They are so stu­pid!

–7 Train

Over­heard by: Mid­west Asian-Girl East Coast Trans­plant

Ei­ther Kind Of Stoned

Short hot top­ic clad girl­friend: They’re back to­geth­er again?
Tall lanky crust punk boyfriend: Yeah man, they break up and get back to­geth­er again more than peo­ple get stoned in Iraq.

–175th & Ft. Wash­ing­ton Ave.

Ann Coul­ter: De­moc­rats!

Friend #1, to bar­tender: We’d like some shots.
Bar­tender: I can do that. What kind?
Friend #2: Do you do blowjobs or cumshots?
Friend #1: What about abor­tion shots?
Bar­tender: Je­sus Christ, who are you peo­ple?

–Kabin bar

Try a Big­ger Pool, Sweet­ie

Drunk les­bian #1, scream­ing near crowd of post Pride Pa­rade rev­el­ers: Mar­co!
Drunk les­bian #2: Po­lo!
Drunk les­bian #1, tak­ing hands off eyes: Dammit! I al­ready know you! I’m try­ing to meet new peo­ple!

–West 12th St. & West 4th St.

Dat­ing in Williams­burg: En­cap­su­lat­ed.

Cute 20-some­thing girl: I’ve been lis­ten­ing to a lot of Fleet­wood Mac re­cent­ly. I for­got how much I liked them for a while and then they came on when I had my iPod on shuf­fle mod, and I was like, “oh yeah, these guys rock!“
20-some­thing dude: Fleet­wood Mac?
Cute 20-some­ht­ing girl: Yeah… The band? Fleet­wood Mac.
20-some­thing dude: Oh, I don’t know them.
Cute 20-some­thing girl: You’ve nev­er heard of Fleet­wood Mac?!
20-some­thing dude, com­plete­ly se­ri­ous, scoff­ing: No. I re­al­ly don’t both­er with any­thing oth­er than 90s ska punk.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Was un­aware that this type of mu­sic snob­bism ex­ist­ed.

This PSA for the Use Of Condi­ments Nev­er Quite Took Off

Crazy tooth­less woman tak­ing pack­ets of salt and pep­per from bins: What, ya’ll ain’t nev­er seen peo­ple tak­ing teeth and pills from restau­rants be­fore? Ya’ll don’t know my name is Har­was and I’m an­ti-semet­ic. I hex all of ya’ll. May it grow this way.
Teen: Yo, ma­ma, you for­got the ketchup.
Crazy tooth­less woman: I’m just step­ping through nice­ly.

–Mc­Don­ald’s, 34th & 8th