Archive for 2012

Chelsea Has Ho­mo­sex­u­als?

Tourist to an­oth­er: They did­n’t say the tour guide would be a ho­mo­sex­u­al.
Tour guide: Stealth bombs of fab­u­lous, we spe­cial­ize in them!

–Chelsea Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Tr­ish

Again With the Peanuts?

Old man: He used to be Char­lie Brown. Oh! Now he’s Lucy.
Old la­dy: When he was re­al­ly lit­tle, he was Li­nus.

–116th & Morn­ing­side Dr

Do You Get the Pe­ri­ods?

Wife: I’m cold. Are you cold?
Hus­band: Not re­al­ly.
Wife: How come men nev­er com­plain about be­ing cold?
Hus­band: We have good ther­mostats, you have mul­ti­ple or­gasms. Wan­na trade?

–Mo­MA

Oth­er­wise You Might Sud­den­ly Start Suck­ing Dicks

Tyler Dur­den-quot­ing thug: We’re a gen­er­a­tion of men raised by women. I’m won­der­ing if an­oth­er woman is re­al­ly the an­swer we need.
Ref­er­ence-miss­ing thug: Nah, man, that’s fuck­ing gay. There’s al­ways oth­er bitch­es around.

–30th Ave, As­to­ria

If New York­ers Had Any Shame, Trains Would­n’t Need Con­duc­tors

Con­duc­tor: I swear, when peo­ple get on the sub­way sys­tem, their iq drops. (two stops lat­er) I saw you put your foot in the door, la­dy, and you had your child with you! Just re­mem­ber, he sees every­thing you do. (next stop, as pas­sen­ger sticks foot in door to get on train) How long you gonna stand there with your foot in the door?

–1 Train

Bust­ed.

Hobo: Hey, ba­by girl!
Black girl, freaked out: Hey…
Hobo: You got a boyfriend?
Ran­dom black girl: Yeah…
Hobo: He one of dem light skin nig­gas, ain’t he?
(black girl laughs as she runs away)

–N Train