Bimbette #1, after motorcycle zooms by somewhere in the distance: What was that?
Bimbette #2: I dunno… I kinda thought it was a cow.
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: i’m sorry…don’t we live in Manhattan?
Archive for 2014
Wednesday’s One-Liners Sell Themselves
Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like “hey!” and I was like “yo, lemme cop” and he was like “I think you have the wrong number” and I hung up.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: joy
Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I’m going crazy! I’ve got his dealer’s number programmed into my phone, but I can’t remember her name, so if I call, I won’t know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they’ll think you’re a cop!
–16th St & 7th Ave
Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.
–Brooklyn
Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn’t depend on drug cartels.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Diaz
The Best Part Is, They’re Talking About Children’s Programming
Guy #1: May I presuppose what I think you’re trying to articulate, which is, that the core universality of your character’s arc needs to be explicitly emphasized in the color palate?
Guy #2: I think that’s fair, but I’m not sure you can go there with an audience.
Guy #1: But isn’t the whole narrative journey bringing them there?
Guy #2: Yes and no. Essentially we can’t bring them there, because we can’t get there ourselves.
Guy #1: Hmmm, I’m not sure if I agree with that.
Guy #2: We can’t get there. Our protagonist can’t get there, he can’t bring us there with him.
Guy #1: Where?
Guy #2: The river.
Guy #1: Why is he going to the river?
Guy #2: Because that’s – that’s – that’s the thing. That’s the thing he has to do. It’s like, he is that river, and that’s why we go to a wide-shot there.
Guy #1: I do see the wide-shot there, but I think we need more exposition for the catharsis to work.
–Think Coffee, 3rd & Mercer
Overheard by: todd
Even the Womb Doesn’t Want to Help Them
Cashier guy: Would you like to donate a dollar to the March of Dimes?
Girl: Uh, no thank you.
Cashier guy: Aw, poor preemies.
–K‑mart, East 8th Street
Why Shower When You Can Swiffer?
Dude: Is she a stripper?
Girl: I don’t think so. Although she does hang around a lot of French people.
Dude: What about the guy…is he French?
Girl: Must be. He smells like hardwood floors.
–Union Square
Super Heroine Struggles to Harness Mind-Clouding Powers
Chick #1: I just gave that woman a really sensual look, and I didn’t mean to.
Chick #2: Yeah, I saw. That was creepy.
Chick #1: I hope there was no confusion.
–Warren & Court, Brooklyn
Those SOBs Probably Had It Coming
Guy #1: Well, you know, I am a Mets fan.
Guy #2: Dude, then you’re okay in my book. You could murder puppies and that’s okay so long as you’re a Mets fan!
Guy #3: Um, he does.
Guy #2: Exactly! You can totally murder puppies if you’re a Mets fan!
Guy #3: No, he really does.
Guy #2: Totally!
Guy #3: He’s a vet.
Guy #1: I am.
–Party, 74th & 1st
That Means She Doesn’t Do Threesomes That Involve Those People
Sorority girl: I’m in three exclusive relationships right now.
–uptown 1 train
Overheard by: molz
…At Which Point, Yell “Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!” Just to Freak Him Out
Brunch woman #1: You let a four-year old watch Beetlejuice?
Brunch woman #2: It’s not that scary.
Brunch woman #1: Let him come into your room in the middle of the night and suck your tit until he falls asleep!
–Rosewater Restaurant, Park Slope
Just the Cutest Little Whiskers
Guy #1: What about my friend Beth that you met? She had a nice face.
Snotty guy #2: Oh, she had a rat face, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.
–Chipotle, Midtown
