Black man: “And he kept on beating up niggers until he was 37!”
— On the Subway
Archive for July, 2014
No, We Don’t Sell Dictionaries
Customer: Is that banner going to be permanent?
Cashier: For a little while.
–Forbidden Planet
Naive Evian
12-year-old boy: I don’t know why people would pay $2 for a bottle of water. You know, EVIAN spelt backwards is N-A-I-V-E.
— To his friend, in Prospect Park
How About a Clueless Roll?
Waitress: Hello. How can I help you?
Kid: I wanna buy some sushi.
Waitress: You want to buy some sushi? What kind of sushi would you like?
Kid: I don’t know.
–Wasabi Sushi, Bensonhurst
The Nuisance of Facts
20-something Intellectual: Facts are such a distraction from the essence of what’s really happening.
–Private Party, Brooklyn
Fun at the Post Office
A young man apparently cuts the line at the PO.
Old Italian: Hey, there’s a line here buddy.
Young guy: I waited already, I got money orders.
Old Italian: I didn’t see you anywhere near the line.
Young guy: I got money orders before and now I’m mailing them.
Old Italian: We’ve all got orders. Geez, no one wants to wait on line any more. And now the guy’s serving him.
Young guy: Shut up.
Old Italian: Ah, get lost, you idiot. If I was five years younger I would put you up against the wall.
Postal Worker: Next.
Old Italian: How much to send this express mail?
Postal Worker: $13.65.
Old Italian: Maron.
–Bensonhurst
Where are the Jewish Girls?
Gentile Yuppie: When I was in the synagogue, all of these girls kept on coming up to me and trying to pick me up–but they were all Jewish!
Manhattan as a Pooper-scooper
Tough-looking guy to tough-looking friend: Manhattan is all about shitpiles.
— Manhattan
That’s why everyone’s in tight clothing
Overweight woman: “I honesty think there must be a shortage of fabric or material because all shirts are baby tees and all pants are to small and low on the hips, I dont get it”
— Manhattan
Without a Yarmulke
Young Yuppie: You’re such a third-generation American Jew.
— 6th Avenue, West Village