Archive for August, 2014

Why Lit­tle Kids Should Not Be Al­lowed to Watch Train­ing Day

Six-year-old boy to two un­der­cov­er NYPD of­fi­cers: Hi, what’s your name?
Six-year-old boy’s mom: Hey, boy, what did I tell you about speak­ing to strangers?
NYPD un­der­cov­er of­fi­cer: It’s okay, we’re cops. (flash­es badge)
Six-year-old boy: Aah­h­h­h­h­h­h­hh! (runs in­to moth­er’s arms)

–E Train

Over­heard by: Rob G

Ei­ther That or a Nazi Jew

14-year-old black boy: Can we get off this block? I hate this block! I hate cops!
11-year-old black boy: Why?
14-year-old black boy: Be­cause it’s in black peo­ple’s na­ture to hate cops.
11-year-old black boy, af­ter long pause: So, you want to be a cop?

–123rd & 8th

Over­heard by: Tanya

Head­line by: kai

Run­ners-Up:
· “And Be­fore the Ses­sion’s Over Let’s Talk About How You Hate Yo Mom­ma ’cause She So Fat.” — John­nyB
· “Fuck It. You Wan­na Play Rob­bers and Rob­bers?” — La Lib­er­tad
· “If They Can Beat You, Join ’em” — Sim Etrias
· “Look What It Did for Ice T” — Ot­ter

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Like the ’60s, but Not So Fake

Teen lati­na #1: … And I asked this boy’s name and he was like, ‘Re­nais­sance.’ And I was like, ‘Is that the name your ma­ma gave you?’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, Re­nais­sance.‘
Teen lati­na #2: What’s his name?
Teen lati­na #1: Re­nais­sance. You know, like… Re­nais­sance. Like… Re­nais­sance. Ren-ais­sance. Like, when there used to be princess­es and shit. Like, they’d dress all… You know, the Re­nais­sance.

–1 train, 103rd St

Over­heard by: EthanK

Ever Since It Did­n’t Hap­pen Yet, Things Just Haven’t Been the Same

Col­lege kid: They should put up a ques­tion on the big screen that says, ‘Who fucked up the play­offs two years in a row for us: A) Num­ber 13, B) AR­od, C) Alex Ro­driguez, or D) All of the above?
Friend: … Or maybe Kevin Brown.
Man in front of them: The fu­ture ain’t what it used to be…

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Could Quit if They Want­ed to

Guy: Okay, here’s the plan: we paint your van, then you have sex with Su­san, then I’ll have sex with…someone else. Then we both smoke a lot of weed…

–1st Ave

Over­heard by: chris & daile

Teen boy: Yo, I just stopped smok­ing weed, cause, like, I heard it was bad for you. So I start­ed smok­ing cig­a­rettes again.

–G train

Queer on cell, tak­ing deep drags of cig­a­rette: No, I’m not! I told you I quit. [Ex­hales] Umm, that was just me blow­ing my bangs out of my eyes.

–Out­side Bal­ly Fit­ness, 50th St

Smok­er: I read some­where that if you quit smok­ing by the time you are mid­dle aged your body can still re­cov­er, and I thought, “Great I still have a cou­ple more years to quit.” Then I read what they de­fine “mid­dle aged” as. I’m fucked!

–Up­per East Side gallery

… On Your Shoe

Stranger: Hi, cutie! What a hand­some lit­tle boy you are!
Tod­dler boy ex­it­ing stall with mom: I got a hair cut, and I just made a big poop!
Stranger: Um, okay.

–Ladies’ room, LIRR

Over­heard by: Cath­leen B