Archive for September, 2014

Raise Your Hand If You’d Love to See the Video

Con­duc­tor, af­ter fat girl vom­its and dances on it: At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers, if you are go­ing to vom­it on this train, go to the bath­room. If you can not make it to the bath­room, vom­it on your­self. Do not dance in your own vom­it, and do not vom­it on my train. Thank you.

–Baby­lon Line, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Fe­ta Cheese

Maybe You Should Work on Your Ac­cent

Woman #1: My prin­ci­pal says you can get French lessons as an iPod.
Woman #2: An “iPod”?
Woman #1: Yeah…they’re about 15 min­utes long, they come on your com­put­er, and they’re free.
Woman #2: Hmm.
Woman #1: Wait, I mean a pod­cast.
Woman #2: “Pod­cast”? Sounds like it comes from aliens.

–Patis­serie Claude, West 4th Street

Over­heard by: Rich Mintz

No­body Puts Wednes­day One-Lin­ers in the Cor­ner

Girl: Her ba­by was pre­ma­ture, and she al­ready has health prob­lems. She on­ly has one liv­er.

–Puck Fair, Lafayette St

Girl: A hu­man ba­by takes sev­en or eight weeks to look adorable. A pup­py is cute right away.

–31st Ave & 44th St, Queens

Over­heard by: Jake

Guy: Where is that cry­ing ba­by com­ing from? It bet­ter not be in that trash can.

–18th St & 5th Ave

Woman on cell in bath­room stall: Well, shit, I would­n’t had his ba­by if I’d known he was on drugs! Hang on… No, I’m in da baf­room. Da baf­room! Ok, lat­er.

–Bath­room in of­fice build­ing, 51st St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: I’m us­ing the one down­stairs from now on…

Guy on cell: I wish the ba­by could go back in­to your stom­ach.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle train sta­tion

Teen thug girl hold­ing the Click DVD: Wait, we’re buy­ing this and not ba­by food?

–Lin­coln Park

Over­heard by: WTF