Girl: Well, she’s newly single so…
Guy with baby: So you know what she’s looking for.
Girl: Well, she already hooked up with a bartender in a broom closet.
–6th Ave & 19th St
Overheard by: Daniel
Archive for September, 2014
Not Yet, But Allah Willing…
Girl #1: I don’t know, I think there was a language barrier.
Girl #2: Where is he from?
Girl #1: Well, Israel.
Girl #2: What the fuck do they speak there? Arabic?
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Janis Glendon
And in Practically No Time She Taught Them Everything She Knew
Meathead: I think that’s just so ridiculous that they would expect you to teach these kids when you don’t know the kids at all.
Ditzy girl: Well they had name tags.
–2 train
Like Michael Jackson.
Asian to another: And it’s like, how many ABCs are there at NYU these day?
Girl to friend, once off train: What’s an ABC?
Friend: Asian by Choice?
–F Train
Raise Your Hand If You’d Love to See the Video
Conductor, after fat girl vomits and dances on it: Attention passengers, if you are going to vomit on this train, go to the bathroom. If you can not make it to the bathroom, vomit on yourself. Do not dance in your own vomit, and do not vomit on my train. Thank you.
–Babylon Line, Penn Station
Overheard by: Feta Cheese
Your Answer Is Horribly Close to the Truth
English teacher: So tell me: why might Martin Luther King have written “I have a dream”? What was he trying to accomplish?
Ditzy blonde freshman, raising hand: Well, I mean, he was trying to free all the slaves. Duh!
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Rupert
Maybe You Should Work on Your Accent
Woman #1: My principal says you can get French lessons as an iPod.
Woman #2: An “iPod”?
Woman #1: Yeah…they’re about 15 minutes long, they come on your computer, and they’re free.
Woman #2: Hmm.
Woman #1: Wait, I mean a podcast.
Woman #2: “Podcast”? Sounds like it comes from aliens.
–Patisserie Claude, West 4th Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Nobody Puts Wednesday One-Liners in the Corner
Girl: Her baby was premature, and she already has health problems. She only has one liver.
–Puck Fair, Lafayette St
Girl: A human baby takes seven or eight weeks to look adorable. A puppy is cute right away.
–31st Ave & 44th St, Queens
Overheard by: Jake
Guy: Where is that crying baby coming from? It better not be in that trash can.
–18th St & 5th Ave
Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, shit, I wouldn’t had his baby if I’d known he was on drugs! Hang on… No, I’m in da bafroom. Da bafroom! Ok, later.
–Bathroom in office building, 51st St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: I’m using the one downstairs from now on…
Guy on cell: I wish the baby could go back into your stomach.
–Columbus Circle train station
Teen thug girl holding the Click DVD: Wait, we’re buying this and not baby food?
–Lincoln Park
Overheard by: WTF
Damn!
Guy: Is that the Smithsonian?
Girl: No, that’s in Washington, DC.
–42nd & 5th
Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining
Crying queer: I just wasted my time and his for five years.
Consoling friend: Don’t have a negative attitude. Never look at a relationship like that. Every relationship, no matter how bad, adds to your life. I feel that with every relationship you always walk away with something. [Queer rolls eyes.] How about all that jewelry?!
–Kittichai Thompson Hotel
Overheard by: Never walked away with anything
