Archive for November, 2014

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Bernar­do and the Sharks

Chi­ca on cell: He was just white. Like, a white guy. Ex­cept Puer­to Ri­can.

–Park Ter­race West, In­wood

Over­heard by: Gringo Starr

Puer­to Ri­can thug to an­oth­er, both wear­ing Puer­to Ri­can flag ban­danas as face masks: White peo­ple bet­ter get used to us. There be like 80 bil­lion of us in the world… Or maybe 8 thou­sand of us…at least.

–F Train

Over­heard by: Brent

Teen on cell: Wait, you’re in Puer­to Ri­co? I’ll be right there, that’s by Chi­na­town, right? What do you mean it’s an is­land? Like Stat­en Is­land? How the fuck did you get there?

–Colom­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Gra­ham Davis

JAP on phone: He called me a clingy JAP! How fuck­ing low! I could’ve eas­i­ly pulled the “you’re-a-Puer­to-Ri­can-from-Stat­en-Is­land” card.

–92nd & 5th

Guy (shout­ing): Hey guys! You like Puer­to Ri­cans?!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Cyto­Fox

Dad on scoot­er with eight-year-old girl: I don’t want to hear that… Don’t fuckin’ push me, Joan­na! You are not black, you are Puer­to Ri­can!

–Flat­bush & Ful­ton

Over­heard by: Chelsea

I Got in­to This Rack­et for the Con­dem­na­tion

Hobo: Hey, you got any mon­ey?
Nice la­dy: I don’t have any change, but I can give you some on my way out, or get you some­thing to eat.
Hobo: I’ll take the mon­ey. But don’t wor­ry, I ain’t gonna use it to buy booze or drugs.
Nice la­dy: As far I am con­cerned, you can use the mon­ey for what­ev­er you want.
Hobo: Whoa, la­dy! That’s way too lib­er­al for me.

–Out­side health food store, Brook­lyn

Do Girls Ever Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Hobo to pass­er-by: Ar­rrr! I’m a fart knock­er!

–7th Ave & 25th St

Bim­bette: Wow! I ate olives to­day and I did­n’t fart!

–L Train

Girl to friend: She farts make­up! She’s so glam­orous!

–Deli

Over­heard by: Strain­ing to hear the rest of the con­ver­sa­tion…

30-some­thing tall woman to friend: I used to live in three hous­es. Now I live in a clos­et. It’s so small that I have to hang my para­keet out the win­dow just to take a fart!

–Ave B & 3rd St

Over­heard by: Mike

Old­er Greek la­dy to friend: I don’t know Celia. I think it is bet­ter for every­one if I have gas.

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: David

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Were Ex­tras for the Thriller Video

Dude: I once saw Don­ald Suther­land get pushed up a flight of stairs by a ghost in a ho­tel in Toron­to.

–Sher­a­ton Ho­tel, 52nd & 7th

Over­heard by: Matthew Rick

Queer: Vam­pires are sooo ’80s.

–7th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Es­ther

Wheel­bo: I don’t like to tell peo­ple this… But I’m a mon­ster!

–72nd & Am­s­ter­dam

Bar­tender: If you touch the lep­rechaun, there is a fine.

–Brook­lyn

Crazy guy on train: Those schem­ing con­nivers — they send Ro­mans and zom­bies af­ter you.

–V train

Over­heard by: oth­er end of the train

Man ask­ing friend in earnest: … But where are you go­ing to get that many were­wolves?

–12th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Mar­ty

Hip­ster: All she needs is a vam­pire to keep her warm.

–30th & 3rd

Over­heard by: buffy fan